Jerk

Where the hell is he?

As I make my way back through the living room, I realize quite suddenly that the claustrophobia is getting to me. I make a quick beeline for the back window to get a breath of air. I slip a leg through, then let myself out onto the fire escape.

And that’s when I find myself face-to-face with Danny.

“Oh,” I let out, startled. “I didn’t see—”

He lifts his eyebrows. “Hey there, Romeo!”

He’s standing out here by himself with a bottle of beer. Tonight, he’s wearing a tight-fitting white graphic shirt, clinging to his arms and chest, and tapering down to his small waist, where the shirt is ever so slightly bunched up at his butt. His distressed jeans are doing everything to highlight the asset that is his ass, with two firm and distracting cheeks I try not to glue my eyes to. The way the streetlight catches his face and sets his hair ablaze has my heart fluttering like a desperate butterfly caught in a net.

Does he know I was masturbating thinking about him the other night? Can he see it in my eyes, the inappropriately selfish and unhealthy way I long for him? Is there even a speck of a suspicion burning inside of him that I have strong, undeniable feelings for him I shouldn’t in any way entertain?

Suddenly, I’m humiliated I was even looking for him. I grimace, then turn back toward the window. “Sorry, I’ll leave you be. I was just—”

“Why? It’s nice and quiet out here.” A police car races down the street below, its siren blaring. “Quiet-er,” he amends, pushing at the frames of his glasses. “Stay on the fire escape with me. Keep me company.”

I cling to the edge of the sill, take a breath, then decide to oblige him. After all, he’s invited me now, right? Doesn’t that make it okay? “I guess I can hang out here for a bit.”

“Good. Besides, I just got here, and … I don’t really know a lot of people. I’m only here because Joey is loosely acquainted with, um … what’s her name? The one hosting the party?”

“Dakota.”

“Right, Dakota.” He smiles. “It’s good to see someone I know, though!”

Someone he knows. Those words put an unexpected warm spot in the cold dead center of my chest. I smile back, then take a place next to him by the railing. My heart is drumming down my arms and up my neck at the same time somehow. “It’s great to see you, too.”

“Parties are really more Joey’s thing. But … well … I can’t really say no to him when he wants to go out on a Saturday night. Even if all I wanted to do was stay in, relax, and start the next season of Demon Slayer after my hard week at work, but …” Danny lets out a chuckle, though I hear a note of frustration. “I gotta keep my guy happy, right?”

But what about your needs, Danny? What about you? “I guess so.”

“Do you have a guy, Romeo?”

I meet his eyes, caught off-guard by the question. I don’t ever remember telling him I’m gay. Maybe he’s fishing. “Me?” I can’t help but laugh. “No.”

“No?” Panic fills his eyes. “Oh! Did I misread you? Are you straight? Sorry!”

“No, no. I’m …” His reaction just makes me laugh harder. I’m so damned awkward around him. “I’m definitely into guys. You got that part right.”

“Ah, phew! You had me there for a second!” He chuckles adorably. “I’m only asking because you seem like a good catch.”

I choke on my laughter, go silent, and lift my eyebrows. “I’m a what?”

He must think I didn’t hear him, because he scoots closer. Our arms touch, resting on the railing. “A good catch, I said. I’m just curious why you don’t have a guy of your own.”

I want to touch him so badly. Other than our arms grazing, I mean. “Guess I’ve got bad luck in the dating world or something.”

“Hmm. Sorry to hear it.” Danny studies me for a moment, and I feel like he’s stripping away all my thoughts, secrets, and clothes with his soft eyes. Then he shakes his head in pity. “I really hope that luck changes for you, Romeo. Everyone deserves someone to share the world with.”

He melts me. With every fucking word he utters, he converts me into a puddle. “Thank you, Danny.”

“Hey, this part of town is full of gay men. Not to mention the gym, I’m sure you’ve noticed. You’re bound to meet a great guy who deserves you.”

I’m captured by his gaze, dumbstruck.

I can’t seem to make words come out of my throat.

Can we just not talk at all? Can I just stand here and stare at him like some drooling, lovesick puppy?

The moment I open my mouth to reply, the window is eclipsed by a big blocky shape that could only be one thing in the known universe. “Babe, the fuck you doing out here? Smells like dog piss.”