Jerk

What in the actual fuck am I saying?

Danny bites his lip, then meets my eyes.

I stare back, astonished.

Is it working? Is this actually working? Is he into this new-me?

“Guess I’ll see you around,” I tell him. “Enjoy subtly checking out my ass as I head off.” Then I push away from the machine and make my way to the locker room. And of course I give a look over my shoulder, and there Danny is, watching me as I go.

But his eyes aren’t on my ass; they’re on my face.

He looks hopeful. Happy. Curious.

Then he says, “Hey, Romeo?”

I stop at the door. “Yeah?”

“Do you want to … get a drink sometime?”

Oh my god.

Like a cloud eclipsing the sun, something heavy hits me. I frown at him. “And what about Joey?”

For a second, he appears confused. Then he chuckles and shakes his head. “Oh, that’s not a problem anymore. There … There isn’t any more Joey.” His mouth twists awkwardly. “We split up a while ago.”

They split up.

They split up.

“Oh,” is all I can say, stunned.

“Maybe this weekend or something? Friday at seven?” he offers.

The invisible emotion-hiding mask pops right back over my face, but I’m pretty sure it’s sitting askew. “Uh, yeah, sure. Doesn’t make a difference to me.”

“Meet outside your place again?”

“Whatever floats your goat.” Goat?? “Boat. Your, uh … boat.”

Danny is still too sweet to laugh at me. He just smiles. “See you then.”

I’m a statue of strength and self-control. I give him a nod, turn, and march my way to the locker room door, parting ways with the man of my dreams as if he’s nothing but a business associate.

Then I finally get inside the locker room.

And at once, the mask falls straight off and shatters on the floor. I slam shut the door and press my back against it, instantly converted into my panicked, shrunken, confused self from a year ago.

Out of breath. Eyes wide. Mouth agape.

Emotionally frantic.

Joey is out of the picture.

Danny is single.

And he just asked me out.

What the fuck is happening to my life today?

Jonathan appears in front of me, already changed out of his sweaty workout clothes. “Hey, man. What’s going on? Got yourself a hot piece of ass already?” He lifts an eyebrow. “Whoa, dude, you look freaked out.”

And Danny is just as kissable as ever. Cute. Sexy. Boyish laugh and muscle-man bod. Cuddly and sweet. Polite and self-aware and intelligent. Sensitive. Everything I’ve ever wanted in a guy. He hasn’t changed one bit.

Except for the giant fucking fact that he ditched the douchebag he used to call a boyfriend.

Now nothing’s in the way.

Except myself.

13. Tough

So … remember that whole “Jonathan is terrible at advice” thing?

“Let me get this straight.” Jonathan sits on my kitchen counter, frowning at a cabinet door across from him as he squints in thought. We came straight to my place after the gym to figure this out. “Your Danny guy you’re obsessed with is back in your life, he goes to our gym, and he’s single now?”

“Yep, yep, and yep.” I take a sip of my protein shake, leaning against the opposite counter.

“And you’re gonna go have a drink with him Friday night?”

“Yep.”

Jonathan shrugs. “I don’t see what you’re so freaked out about. This is great, isn’t it? Now you can finally score the guy of your dreams. Bang him good. Bend him over literally any piece of furniture you’ve got in this place.”

“It’s not like that, though. I need to figure out who I’m gonna be first.”

“Huh?”

My phone dings right then. I quickly pry it from the pocket of my tight jeans and look at the screen, but it isn’t a message from Danny. It’s just another hit on my dating app—my forty-second hit this week. I roll my eyes and toss my phone at the counter, annoyed.

“Who you’re gonna be …?” Jonathan shrugs. “Your badass self. Who else?”

“This isn’t just another weekend lay. Danny is different. Danny is … special.” I bite my lip and stare at the floor, lost. “I don’t want to mess things up. It’s enough that he seems okay after what I did to him a year ago, with that kiss and everything. This is a second chance … and probably my last.”

Jonathan has since learned the whole story. “Wait, you’re still hung up on that? No, no, no. You’re not going down that road again.”

I frown at him. “What do you mean?”

“We don’t do that anymore. We don’t pine after people. People pine after us. Didn’t we agree we’d never put ourselves in that kind of vulnerable place again?”

“I’m not pining.”

“And now you’re lying to yourself. I can see the little gross hearts in your eyes, Romeo.”

I huff. “I don’t just want to ‘win’ this guy, like another notch on the headboard. I want him more than that. I told you about Danny. And now …” I stare at the floor, as if realizing it all over again. “Now he’s single. Now it could happen.”