I nod, catching on. “Right. Is there ever a good time?”
“For us?” I swear I detect a note of hope in her tone.
As much as I like hearing that, I chuckle because we both seem to be a little confused tonight. Is that what kissing does? It’s rattled me in a good way. Wonder how she feels about it? “There’s never smooth sailing in Manhattan traffic.”
She looks out the window, making it hard to read anything about her, so I hold tighter to the hope I heard and her hand. I rest our bond on my leg, which brings her attention back to me. She says, “Don’t worry, Jackson. We’ll get there eventually.”
Her words have new meaning under the earlier intimacy of kissing. Not sure what to say under the curious gaze she’s laid on me, except, “Happy New Year.”
Her grasp tightens, and her head tilts. “Happy New Year.” She slides across the back seat until she’s close, close like Cammie and Cade get, and Rad and Tealey.
For a small moment in time, it feels like we’re that couple. Or could be.
When I release her hand and lift my arm, she snuggles against me, and says, “New Year’s Eve should only be allowed on weekends.” She laughs to herself. Sitting up suddenly, she angles toward me. “I sound so old. When did we get old?”
“Somewhere between graduating and being able to stay out all night partying to bumping up against thirty and being tired before one o’clock on New Year’s Eve, I suppose.”
“Changes in jobs.” She rests back again, her head on my shoulder.
“Living on our own.”
She nods. “So true.” Adjusting her head, she’s closer, if that’s possible. She looks up at me. “Do you ever get lonely?”
I realize that’s what tonight was about—my wandering thoughts, questioning what I should be doing with my life relationship-wise, and feeling like a fifth wheel with my best friends for the first time. It’s a lot to digest. I tighten my arm around her and admit the truth. “Sometimes, I guess. I thought you liked living in that big apartment? Isn’t that why you’re trying to stay there?”
Discomfort slumps her shoulders momentarily, and a shaky breath is released. “I’m trying to stay because I have nowhere to go.”
My heart hurts to see this usually strong woman fighting an embarrassment she should never bear. I want to protect her, to help her, to do something to make this better. Wrapping my arm around her, I hold her close and kiss her head. “Sure, you do. Whatever happens, you have me. You don’t have to fight this alone. We’re all here for you.”
She leans up enough to look at me with a soft smile playing on her lips. Her eyes are wide with the same hope tingeing her tone when she says, “I’ve been sheltered and taken care of for my whole life. Where did that get me?”
She’s always been daddy’s little princess. He even called her as much when he was paying for her every whim, but to hear her say it is new. She still deserves some credit where it’s due. I tuck some loose strands of hair behind her ear. “You’re following your dream. You work in a gallery, just like you always talked about, and you work hard.”
“I work in a gallery but can’t afford my bills.” She looks down as she rests the palm of her hand on her leg. “My dreams won’t pay for my lifestyle, and I willingly let that happen.”
I’ve never seen this side of her, her vulnerability palpable in the back of this cab. I didn’t know it was this bad. She’s not one to show weakness, so I’m not sure what to think other than Marlow deserves better than how her family has left her. “Your dad fucked up.”
“Yes, he did. He lied to me and everyone else, including the bank. But I picked an apartment that most people in the city can’t afford, choosing to feed an ego instead of dealing with reality. I had no idea he was headed for bankruptcy. That he lied to me when he was responsible for paying my bills was wrong on every level. But at the end of the day, I got myself into this mess by thinking my dad would always be there for me.” She sits back. “It doesn’t matter how I got here. I’m never going to let something like this happen to me again. Never.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Enjoy New Year’s Eve with you.” She pushes up on her hand and kisses under my jaw, my body coming back to life.
The familiar surroundings have me ready to pay so I can get her upstairs. Hanging out in cabs for longer than necessary isn’t what I call entertainment, not when I’m with a beautiful woman. Especially when I’m with Marlow. I lift her chin so her eyes stay fixed on me. “You’re never alone. Got that?”