And so am I.
Does that mean anything? Surely, it does.
“Can I ask a favor?” I ask, my stomach churning.
“Anything,” he answers without hesitation.
I’m not sure what I’m getting into or if I’m strong enough to get into anything with him, but I can’t let this man walk out of my life. And God knows I can’t walk out of his. But I can’t be with him like I want to either. Not yet.
“Hey,” he says, catching my gaze with his. “What do you need?” His voice is unflinching.
I reach out and touch the side of his face. “Can we pause this conversation?” I fist his shirt. “Only for a little while? Like I said, I have a lot of things to figure out, and I can’t possibly deal with all of that at the same time as your impossibly kissable lips.”
He grins. It lights up my world as I bite my lower lip and take him in. Such a gorgeous man, but that heart of his . . . he’s the best of them.
“Only my lips are kissable? I think you’ve forgotten how you can’t keep your lips off another part of my anatomy.”
“I haven’t forgotten, but we’re not talking about your ego right now.”
His hand covers his chest. “Damn, Marché. You wound me.”
I laugh. “Well, I’m trying to stay focused here, but you’re making it very hard.” The moment I say it, I know I shouldn’t have. That is quite the setup.
Jackson seizes the opportunity like he always does. “I’m making it hard? I think you’ve got that backward, babe.”
I snap twice. “We need to stay on topic because if we veer off from here, we’ll be in bed before we finish this conversation.”
He chuckles. “I’m not seeing the problem.”
Scoffing, I laugh. “Naturally. As for this convo, let’s just take a pause, okay? I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t commit how you want just yet. I can’t do this and fix my life all at the same time.”
Coming forward, he holds my chin between his fingers. “You’re not doing any of it alone. You know that, right?” He always knows what to say and what I need to hear.
I could love this man, I think.
My grip tightens on the rail, and I take a steadying breath. “Thank you for saying that.”
“Just don’t forget it, beautiful.”
“Stop charming me when I’m trying to be an adult.”
With a shrug, he takes a step back. “Sorry. I know that’s new for you,” he jokes.
I try to shoot a glare full of daggers but fail miserably.
“For the record, I’m not happy about this,” he says, taking my palm and kissing it.
“Me either.”
“But if that’s what you need, then what can I say? I respect you wanting to get things in order. And I know you can. You’re much stronger and more capable than you know, Marlow.”
His belief in me gives me strength. No one has ever believed in me so resolutely. It fuels my desire to figure it out even more and much quicker.
“You’re the best,” I say. “You know that?”
“I know.” He releases my hand and walks backward toward the door. “I’m going back in there to eat that damn queso. You can do whatever you need to do. I have a busy week at work, so I’ll give you some space. Just check in occasionally and let me know you’re okay. Deal?”
My heart beats strong in my chest, his words the balm I needed to help me move forward in the right direction. “You’ve got yourself a deal, St. James.”
“I’m going to hold you to it.” He sends me a wink, and don’t think for one second that I don’t get weak in the knees. Fortunately, I’m already holding the railing.
“I hope you do.” I laugh, but just before the door closes, I call, “Hey, one more thing.”
Holding the door with one hand, he stops. “What is it?”
“We can still have sex, right?” My smirk can’t be restrained.
“I would never say no to you.”
“Good. I don’t want to blow this whole thing.”
“You blowing this thing has never been our problem.” With a click of his tongue, he laughs again. “Now, go get ’em, tiger.”
Feeling on top of the world, I start down the stairs, but a whistle has me turning back before I’m too far to catch sight of him once more. I could blame the stairs for my heart racing, but that would be a lie. It’s him and the smile that reaches those blue eyes that has me all worked up. He says, “Looking good.”
“You’re not so bad yourself.” He goes inside, and I hurry the rest of the way home. Knowing I have him in my corner, I feel ready to conquer the world.
9
Jackson
It’s been a long fucking week . . . and it’s only Wednesday.
I scrub a hand over my face before massaging my right temple. It’s not like I regret going after Marlow yesterday. I’m glad we aired our issues and know where we stand with each other. I also gained some insight that I didn’t previously have when it came to her finances. I don’t think any of us realized how bad things had gotten for her. She’s really good at putting on a smiling face and faking it till she makes it. It’s been easy to assume all the pieces would fall into place for her. Like they always do.