When we get into the car, my mind is whirring. John’s words dance in my mind. I’m on the cusp of leaving college, and then what? Do I go my own way and leave my brothers behind? Do I work to forge my individual life, or is now the time to push for something different?
Ever since Cora moved in with us, I’ve been attracted to her independent spirit and resilience. She didn’t bend when under pressure. She had the strength to stand up to all of us, and that’s what we need in our lives. A strong woman who can take all our different personalities and not crumble under the weight of our differences.
Can I imagine a life where I’m not living with my brothers?
Not really. When Mom passed, we became so much closer, relying on each other for everything that was missing from our lives. Leaving that behind doesn’t seem right, and watching my brothers walk away from our home would feel like losing too much all over again.
I have to talk to them, at least to try and explain what I’m thinking. I’ve seen the way they all look at Cora, with both approving and intrigued expression, but this is something different. Imagining being with a woman as an individual is one thing, but contemplating sharing her with your brothers is another level.
When we’re home, Cora heads up to her room to shower, and I tell my brothers that I need to talk to them. We gather in the den, each of them looking at me with concerned eyes. I guess this is an unusual approach for me. Usually, if I have something to say, I just spit it right out.
“What is it, River?” Alden asks.
I lean forward, resting my forearms on my thighs, knowing that I don’t have long to convey what I want. I look at each of my brothers individually, feeling so much love for them. We’ll always be a team, even if things don’t work out. I know this. But it will be so much better if they’ll just hear me out.
“What do you think of what Maggie has with her men?”
“I think that house must have the most ridiculous food bill ever,” Tobias says, shaking his head. He isn’t wrong. With eleven huge men to feed, and Maggie and Dale , it’s a good thing there are eleven paychecks coming in.
“You mean so many men sharing one woman?” Danny asks. Unusually, he’s the one who’s most focused on me and most in tune with what I’m thinking. Out of all of us, he had the biggest issue with Cora when she arrived. Will he be the one most opposed to this idea or the one most for it?
“Yes.”
“I think it has its benefits,” Mark says. “Financial security, physical security, emotional unity. From what they were saying, they wouldn’t want to live any other way.”
I nod, taking a deep breath and leaning back into the comfort of the couch. “Is it a kind of lifestyle you’d want?”
“Are you seriously asking that?” Tobias asks. “I mean, you sounded pretty serious when you said you wanted to talk to us about something. It’s not a philosophical question, is it?”
“No. I’m really asking.”
“Do you have someone in mind?” Danny asks, cocking his head to one side as he scans me with interest.
“Yeah. Cora,” I say.
“You want to date Cora?” he asks.
“I want us all to date Cora.”
The room descends into silence for one beat, two beats, three beats. I look around, waiting for someone to comment, tell me I’m crazy, tell me they feel the same, anything.
For a moment, I wonder if I’m going crazy. Has being shut in this house with a woman made me feel things that aren’t real? Am I so starved of female affection that isn’t sexual that I’ve built it up into something it isn’t?
No.
I know what I feel. Ever since she sobbed her heart out in front of me, I’ve known. Even before, when she looked at me with those pretty eyes with her mouth set in a determined line, I knew. The fire I felt inside me to protect her is something totally new.
“I’ve seen how you all look at her,” I say. “I’ve seen with my own eyes how great it could be. None of us are dating right now. There couldn’t be a more perfect time to start something with her.”
“It isn’t always going to be like Maggie and her men. You know that, right? What they have is the exception to the rule.” Alden is doing the sensible big-brother thing, but the way he’s rubbing his beard indicates he’s thinking.
“Cora is special,” I say. “You know that. She’s sweet and fiery, sexy but with a girl-next-door kind of innocence. She’s clever and creative, warm but with a sharp edge that will keep us all in our place. She can handle us.”