Slowly, I open one eye, recognizing I was once again dreaming. Five years of no sex will do that to a woman. I open both my eyes to find my four-year-old daughter sitting on my stomach, smashing my cheeks together with her tiny hands while trying to wake me up. I can’t help but smile when I see her bright green eyes looking at me like I hold the golden ticket to the chocolate factory. It’s then I remember what today is.
“Mom, I see your eyeballs. I know you’re awake.”
I laugh as I grab hold of her waist and throw her onto my bed, tickling her. Her giggles bounce off the walls, and hit me straight in my heart. As I look down at her, she’s smiling from ear to ear and the same butterflies that always take over my stomach when I see that smile invade me once again.
She’ll never know her daddy or what he looks like, but when I look at her, he is all I see. Same green eyes, same beautiful smile, same golden-brown hair, and the same naturally sun-kissed skin. She’s a spitting image of the man who gave me the best memories I could ever ask for, my daughter. If I didn’t have the stretch marks to prove it, I would swear Isabella Faith wasn’t even carried by me but by her father instead.
I continue to tickle her belly as she begs me to stop. “Mom, I’m gonna pee myself! You better stop.” I’m definitely not taking a chance of that happening. It’s too early in the morning to be washing sheets, so I stop tickling her. In return, she huffs and rolls over to sit across from me in my bed.
“And to what do I owe this pleasure of you waking me up at…” I glance at the clock. “Seven o’clock?” I know why she’s up and ready to go, but her excitement is so infectious I want to hear her tell me herself.
“Mommy, how could you forget? Today is the bestest day ever! I start preschool today. Duh!” She glares at me with such seriousness I have to hold in my smile.
“Oh my goodness.” I pretend to suddenly remember. “How could I forget the most important day of Bella’s life?”
She stares at me without blinking, trying to figure out how in the world I could ever forget something so important. As funny as it is to watch her reaction, I know in a few seconds she’s really going to believe I forgot. One thing I often wonder is if her father has a temper, because I have no idea where she could’ve gotten hers from, but my sweet angel can go from zero to sixty in the blink of an eye.
“Of course I didn’t forget what today is. You’re so silly, Bella. Look at you all dressed up and ready for your first day of preschool. Okay, let me get up, jump in the shower, and get dressed, and I’ll meet Auntie Kay and you for pancakes before we head out to take you to school. Tell Auntie Kay to save me at least two pancakes!”
Bella beams at me, shaking her head up and down excitedly. I smack her bottom as she jumps off the bed and runs down the hall to the kitchen, yelling to Kayla to save me two pancakes.
I can’t even begin to imagine what I would have done without Kayla in my life these last five years. When I found out I was pregnant, I lost it. How in the world was I going to go to school and raise a baby? Kayla was amazing from day one. She held my hand through my entire pregnancy and delivery. We transformed the third bedroom into a nursery, and Kayla became Auntie Kay. Although, she’s more like a second mom to Bella.
The first year was the hardest. After Bella was born, I thought about Cooper constantly. It was almost scary how much she looked like her father. I cried for weeks after I found out I was pregnant and then for weeks after Bella was born. Kayla tried to look up Bentley and Kaden’s name while I tried to look up Cooper’s, but it was pointless. We didn’t even know where to begin. We didn’t know where any of them lived, their last names, or any of their personal information. I did look up MMA and Cooper, but wasn’t able to find anything.
Kayla was the glue that held all my pieces together. She made sure we took classes at opposite times and on different days so somebody could always be home with Bella. We both also worked part-time shifts at the Bistro to pay for her necessities. So many times, I felt weak and Kayla was there to be my strength.