So I did it, because if you can’t beat them, you might as well join them. I said yes, and my brother got elected to Congress. I said yes, and my dad’s company went global. I said yes, and wasted three years of my life.
All so the man who is frowning at me right now is happy. But no one says no to him. Except my mother, who on their twentieth anniversary handed him her gift.
Divorce papers.
After that, she gave me her divorce lawyer’s card saying, “Call Diane. She won’t allow them to fuck you.” She now spends most of her time on her yacht. I think she’s in the South of France right now.
I snort. “You’re joking, right?” Scanning the room of stunned faces, I go on. “You can’t possibly think I’ll continue living this farce, can you?” I turn to Matthew, who looks uncomfortable and doesn’t make eye contact with me. “Why would you agree to this? You’re gay. This isn’t the 1950s. You don’t have to hide in the closet.”
“Julianna, please,” he implores me. “I was confused. I’m not anymore. I got help and I’d like to try again.”
I’m floored. In all the scenarios I played out in my head, staying together was not one of them. Scanning the faces of people who have zero business being in my life, I shake my head at all of them. My dad must have stuff on him, more than just being gay. Because Matthew was unhappy in our marriage also. Great, now I feel a slight bit of compassion for him. Matthew was probably as much of a pawn as I was.
Jesus. My dad does care only about himself. As long as you do what he wants, you’re part of the family. His way or the highway. I’m stunned. Again, I don’t know why, this is not the first time my dad’s lack of empathy has revealed itself to me. I guess I’m mad at myself for still hoping that one day he’ll be the man I want to call a dad, rather than the person who sits across from me, frowning and glaring at me, demanding I stay married to a man I don’t love.
Obey.
That’s what he expects of me. Unfortunately, there’s only one man I’ve ever wanted to obey. And thinking anything about him, or us, makes my heart hurt. I inhale deeply, my head starting to ache. I’m hoping it’s from lack of caffeine, but who am I kidding? I’m miserable and being in this room isn’t helping.
To be fair, yes, my dad is a shit with serious control issues. But had Ryder not completely crushed me, Matthew would never have happened.
Fucking Ryder.
Visions of his mouth, his hands… Goddamn it, thanks to him I now swear all the time. I blink at my dad’s angry face, bringing him back into focus rather than thinking about the one man I can’t seem to shake. Standing, I grab my purse and pop it under my arm.
“I’m going to save all of you some time. My answer is no.” I hold up my hands as Matthew’s lawyer opens his mouth to speak.
“I’m done with this fake marriage, have been for almost three years. This is absurd. Be professional and contact my lawyer.” I nod at all of them and turn as Emily enters, her heels clicking on my father’s cold Italian marble floor.
“Coffee.” She sets it on the side of my dad’s large desk.
“Thanks, but I have to go.” I smile at her shocked expression.
Matthew leaps up. “Julianna, what has gotten into you?” He looks at me as if I’ve grown horns, and I almost laugh. Was I seriously that pathetic with him? Sleepwalking through the days and drinking too much wine at night?
“Sign the papers, Matthew. You deserve to be happy. Whatever he has on you can’t be that bad.” I head toward the door, my own heels echoing around the room.
“You come back here, young lady. Trust me, you don’t want to lose everything.” My father’s voice almost vibrates with rage. Jeez, first my mom, now me. He must be spinning out of control.
“You know what? I. Don’t. Care. Take it all. The money, all this crap you all cling to so tightly? You can have it. I just want out. I’m done.” I pull the door open and look over my shoulder. “Sign, or my lawyer will be in contact with you.” I look at Matthew, whose face is red, then nod at Sarah who sits expressionless. God, she truly is a miserable bitch. Whatever, let her deal with Diana—she’s the biggest bitch of them all.
“Julianna, you don’t know what you’re doing…”
I close the door on my dad’s threats. He has nothing to bribe or threaten me with. Unlike my siblings, I don’t care anymore. He can keep his money. He’s somehow dragged out finalizing my divorce, and it’s caused nothing but stress. How is it possible that my mom divorced him in six months, but he’s dragged mine out for years? And it has nothing to do with him.