“Are you telling me to leave?”
“No. I don’t know, maybe. This is a mess. What do we do, Dolly?”
“I say fuck Cindy. She’s a complete train wreck right now. Besides, if Ryder wants Julianna, then everyone needs to get on board, including Charlie.” She rubs her hand up and down her cute belly and turns to me.
“It’s going to be fine. If Cindy tries to talk to you, ignore her.”
I nod. This is crazy! I’m not going to a party, especially if Charlie already doesn’t like me.
“Look.” I stand, reaching for my phone. “I’ll go to Malibu. I don’t want to cause problems—”
“That’s perfect.” Eve stands, smiling at me.
“Bad idea. This could backfire on you big time, Eve.” Dolly stands too. “If she leaves, and he wants her… Ryder is not with Cindy. Hasn’t been for a long time.”
“What are you talking about? Charlie said Cindy told her he fucked her a month ago.” Eve throws up her hands.
My heart skips a beat. This has gone from uncomfortable to a nightmare. Not that I thought Ryder was a saint, but hearing it makes me want to throw up.
Dolly stares at Eve likes she’s grown another head.
“Okay, great, so I’m crap. But to be honest, I can’t keep doing this. We’re close with Cindy. Ryder led us to believe she was sticking around.”
A plane goes by, and laughter from the front of the clubhouse drifts over to us. Biting my lip, I try not to lose it in front of them.
“Did he? Or did we make more of this than it really was?” Dolly asks. “Because I don’t remember Ryder ever saying Cindy was the one. If anything, they were the most toxic couple I’ve ever seen. And that’s saying something.”
“Christ.” Eve looks at her, then at me.
I want to jump into the pool and stay under until they leave. Instead, I look her straight in the eye.
“I’m doing the best I can for everyone.” She holds up her hand for Dolly to stay silent as she looks at me. “Until I hear otherwise, you’re just a girl he’s sleeping with. If Ryder wants you to be more, or he wants you at the party, please remember it’s about Charlie and Poet.”
I don’t speak. What can I say? This is beyond mortifying. My heart hurts and it shouldn’t. It’s not like we’re exclusive. Though I try to smile, it’s tight and my lips start to twitch. Dolly groans, shaking her head.
“I have to go.” I turn so suddenly I almost stumble on a patch of grass, but at least my legs are moving.
“Eve, I feel awful, you could have handled that better,” Dolly says as I try to walk faster and not humiliate myself further by running.
Not that it matters. They’re only words. But I need to understand they’re all friends with Cindy. Which means no matter what happens, I’ll never fit in here.
As horrible as that was, Eve’s right. Jesus, I can’t even be mad at her because she spelled it out for me. Now, I need to figure out what the hell I’m doing.
When I jerk the heavy glass door open, the air conditioning blasts against my skin. I ignore all the stares they throw at me—probably because I’m basically prancing through the house semi-naked. Yes, I’m in my bikini, but I left that T-shirt of Ryder’s I was wearing earlier by the pool. Or maybe they’re staring because I’m an outsider and they’re all Team Cindy.
It doesn’t matter. I hold my head high and dash up the stairs, slamming the door behind me.
“Breathe, Julianna. This is not personal.” My eyes take in Ryder’s room, as if it can tell me what to do.
It can’t.
I know it can’t, but I feel better being in here. What was it Ryder told me at Axel’s wedding that reassured me Cindy was not an issue? God, it wasn’t much. She was a broken doll who needed someone else, something like that. I actually felt compassion for her. Again, I was preoccupied with him, not worrying about any girl he might have been with. Then she attacked us, but in her defense, he was fucking me, not even stopping as she pounded and clawed at his back.
“So bad,” I whisper, covering my face with my hands, shaking my head. It’s still so fresh, every sound, smell, thrust…
“That’s why everyone’s looking at you, not because you’re in a bikini.” I snort, not caring that I’m talking to myself. I can’t help it. Remembering that day makes me want to cringe, and all I can do is touch myself to ease the throbbing between my legs.
Desperately needing to shower, I jump up and head to the bathroom. I shake my head as if that can make the memories of that day disappear.
“Are you following me?” I turn to see him standing in the doorway. He’s wearing black slacks and a white starched shirt that clings to his muscled chest, and I suddenly have no words to express how magnificent he is.