It’s so bad I almost laugh at the absurdity of it all: the horror of watching Ryder being arrested by four men in suits who took him away in a dark SUV, leaving me alone. It’s like the whole club knew exactly what to do, except me. So I sat outside under the umbrella until Axel guided me into a car, and had a biker drive me to Gia’s house in Malibu.
“Julianna?” Diana’s voice makes me blink.
“Anything else?” I say.
“No, that’s it. I strongly suggest you leave Los Angeles, at least until things calm down.”
“Thank you, but no. Please focus on getting my divorce finalized.” I press end and toss my phone onto the coffee table in front of me. Crossing my legs, I look straight ahead.
“You okay?” Gia asks cautiously.
“Yep. She thinks he’s guilty. I could tell.” I bounce my leg up and down.
“Well, they don’t have a great reputation.” She sighs.
I turn and look at her. “Gia, your brother is a Disciple.”
“He is.” She stands. “And I love him, but I’m still honest about it—they are who they are.”
I go to defend them and she gives me her hand.
“Hold that thought. Let me get the dinner Maggie made us.” She heads toward her lavish kitchen and my eyes take in the place. It’s incredible, and I’ve lived in extravagant places. God, I’ve been so preoccupied, the only rooms I’ve spent any real amount of time in is this room, the kitchen, and my guest room. I need to be a better friend. I haven’t even seen Gia’s new studio that Rhys surprised her with last month. I need to pull myself together. I should really try and make myself go for a swim after dinner in their giant infinity pool that faces the ocean.
“What does that mean? You think he’s guilty?” I yell.
“No,” she yells back, coming out holding two plates loaded with a delicious-looking kale salad with salmon on top.
“But it doesn’t matter what I think. I’m not in love with Ryder. Do you think he’s guilty?” She sits next to me and hands me my dinner, but I merely stare at it. Her question hurts, and my chest burns.
“Of course, I don’t think he’s guilty,” I snap.
She cocks her head at me, and I close my eyes against this new pain that seems to come in giant spurts, as if I’m on a rollercoaster and can’t get off.
“Where’s the wine?” I lean over to set my plate down, taking one last puff of my cigarette before I snuff it out. I need to quit, but that seems like the least of my worries right now.
“Hold on.” She jumps up, and I look down at my nails. They’re a chipped-up mess. My mind’s going a mile a minute. I want so badly to help, yet I feel like I’m in the way. Case in point, Axel having a prospect dump me here.
“Here, I can’t wait for you to try this wine. I’m obsessed with it.” She carries two large wineglasses and a bottle of red under her arm.
“I hate the waiting,” I grouse as she pours us a generous portion of the dark red wine.
Holding her glass up, she tries to do a toast. “To health?” She trails off like I should jump in.
I don’t. I pick up my glass, clink hers, and take a sip. Gia sits staring at me, frowning.
“You have to know I believe in him.”
“Good.” She nods, digging into her meal.
“Good what?” I can barely take a bite; my stomach is in knots.
She shrugs. “I was worried that you’d be blinded by everything that is Ryder, and everything that comes with the Disciples’ world. I get it. They are exciting and fun, and they make everything seem okay and safe, but they are who they are.”
Lifting my glass of wine, I twirl the long-stemmed glass around. “Is it bad for me to say I don’t care if he’s guilty? That if he killed those men he had a reason?”
She puts down her fork and turns to me. “He may go to jail, Jule. I want you to be okay if he does.”
I stare at the deep red wine, then look at her. “He won’t. I know he won’t.” I take a deep sip, savoring the rich, almost plum, citrusy taste and reach to pour us more.
“I support you. If it was Rhys facing this, I can honestly say it wouldn’t matter.”
“I have this connection with him,” I say, picking up my fork. “It’s almost like déjà vu, but different.” I shake my head. “I can’t describe it, but it’s powerful and I can’t walk away.” Taking a small bite of salmon, I look at her. “We’re completely opposite, but he’s everywhere in me, my heart, my breath, my soul… He’s my home.” I take a deep sip of wine, peeking over the rim to see her expression. She’s absolutely gloating.