“Oh. My. God,” she snaps, her wide eyes darting back down the hall in the direction Archer went.
I can’t breathe, and the only thing telling me I’m still alive is the heart pounding against my ribcage.
“I saw nothing,” she says.
I look from her to Kit’s hotel room door, meeting her eyes a final time.
“Same.”
She doesn’t make eye contact with me again as she walks past toward the elevator in her maid-of-honor dress, her high-heeled shoes clamped to her chest.
I’m trembling by the time I manage to step back into my room.
This is nothing like being out and affectionate in a fake relationship with Archer. That was all for show, no matter how it made me feel inside. I’ve just faced someone in my real life with real fucking circumstances.
I shouldn’t be freaking out. It’s not her business what happened in this room.
These are all things I tell myself, the reasoning bouncing around in my head.
It doesn’t calm me. It doesn’t make me feel better.
I’m freaking the fuck out, my hands trembling, heart racing.
It’s too real, this… what am I feeling right now?
Regret? No, I don’t regret the time I spent with him. I don’t regret the things we did. There’s a very good chance this was the best weekend of my life.
Am I embarrassed? That can’t be it. Archer Bremen is a sexy as hell rock star. I could do far worse, believe me.
It makes it real. That’s what I settle on, and deciding that does nothing to calm my nerves. The fantasy of the two of us is no longer make-believe amazingness that I can look back on and smile as I relive the memories. It’s now tainted with worrying about what other people will say and who Jules will tell.
It comes with me having to explain myself, answering questions I feel no one has the right to ask.
You’re bi? When did that happen? I thought you were only into women? You’re sleeping with a client?
What if this is just a fling? Do I even want more with him? Does Archer want more?
Those are questions I ask myself because confessing what I’ve been up to when what I want doesn’t line up with what he wants would be pointless. Other than a passing attraction to men in my life, I’ve never looked at someone and thought wouldn’t it be nice to suck his cock?
I can’t say the same about Archer because I got off on doing that to him as much as he did, and I thought about it too many times before that night to just brush it off as something that happened in the moment.
If what I shared with Archer ends today, I see myself going back to how I was, and that means fucking women. The thought curls my lip, but it’s the truth.
I’m not going to go out and find another man to fill that void.
“Fuck,” I grumble as I shove my slacks off and jump in the shower.
Fifteen minutes later, I’m slightly calmer, but nowhere near being able to face the world.
I dress, pack, and leave the room, taking the back elevator down to my car because facing Beth is impossible. I have no doubt Jules ran to tell her best friend what she saw because that’s exactly what women do, right? They get juicy gossip and tell their bestie even if they made a promise not to.
I consider calling Jules and begging her not to open her mouth, but that would come with too many extra questions I just can’t answer right now.
I fire off a text to Kit that I had to leave, making sure he can get a ride home since he rode with me on Thursday. He texts back, confirming that his oldest brother Jason can drop him off. He doesn’t mention Archer, and I hold on to the hope that Jules is keeping her promise.
It only takes about three miles into my drive back to realize that I may want to hide from the world, but I don’t want to hide from Archer.
Wanting to spend every waking moment with someone should feel good, but it’s so damn different from anything I’ve ever felt, it’s leaving me a little off kilter. Before, I thought I could live on the endorphin release an orgasm gave me. The person assisting in that really didn’t matter. I’d make it good for her and in return, she’d make it good for me. Parting ways was never a problem.
Archer? Jesus, the man has me fucking tied in knots.
I somehow manage to drive to my condo instead of his house. He was all too eager to get out of my room after getting off this morning. I can’t forget just how weird the time was at the bluff last night and again when we returned to the hotel room. I had to literally open my mouth and ask him to touch me after we lay down when before he didn’t have to wait for an invitation.