I know I can speak now. I know they want my answer but I don’t think I can.
Not after the reminder as to why I’m miserable and having a tough time.
Them.
Not that I forgot. I can’t.
It’s unfathomable to forget about them. Every day I live here is a stark, brutal reminder that they are not here.
My friends. My girls.
Every girl who goes to this school has this dream of graduating and leaving this place behind one day. It’s the one thought that keeps us all going. But in addition to that, I also had my girls — Callie, Wyn and Salem — to keep me going. Especially Callie, who I met my first day here. Followed by Wyn a year later and then, Salem another year after that.
Our friendship with each other kept us sane and hopeful.
We all had each other’s backs no matter what and we had so many plans for getting out of here and going back to the real world. From which we had all been banished for one reason or another.
And I am glad that they are out there now.
I am.
I’m just sad that I’m not with them. That I’m stuck here all alone.
“I…” I swallow thickly, my fingers worrying the pages of my book. “I’m…”
“Oh God,” Echo breathes, reaching over to grab my hand. “We didn’t mean to make you upset.”
Jupiter grabs another. “Yeah, gosh, we didn’t mean to make you even more sad. We’re so sorry. I —”
“No,” I cut her off, forcing myself to get a grip. “Please don’t apologize. I just… wasn’t expecting it. I was… You’re both right. I do miss my friends. And yeah, I’ve been kinda out of it. I just didn’t know anyone noticed.”
Jupiter squeezes my hand. “Are you kidding? You’re the life of the party, Poe. Of course we noticed.”
“But don’t worry,” Echo jumps in. “We’re the only ones. Because we’re seniors and we know you. The other girls are mostly sophomores and freshman, who are choosing to be here by the way,” she rolls her eyes, “they don’t have a clue.”
“Yup, so your badass street cred is safe,” Jupiter says.
And I smile, probably my very first smile ever since this shitshow summer school started. “Good. Thanks.” And then, before I can stop myself, I ask, “Uh, would you guys like to go out?”
Echo frowns. “Go out. As in off campus?”
“I thought we weren’t allowed to go off campus,” Jupiter says.
Technically, we aren’t.
And this rule only applies to us three, the bad seniors who haven’t graduated yet.
Because we have no privileges.
Since this is a reform school where girls are sent to be rehabilitated, they have a privilege system. The thing they give you as a reward if you’re good.
If you pass your test, they give you an extra hour of TV. Or if you show up on time for your classes, they let you use the computer for more than an hour. And if you’ve been really, really good and turned in all your homework or scored an A on your test, in addition to behaving politely, they let you go out on the weekends.
Needless to say, I haven’t had very many privileges.
Every student here is assigned a guidance counselor who keeps track of their deeds and misdeeds, and mine had been super busy counting my misdeeds and yanking my privileges left and right.
Anyway, when I said that my girls had my back no matter what, I meant that they really did. Meaning, they knew how miserable I’d be without them. Because they would be too, if they were the ones who had gotten stuck here. So before they parted ways with me, they made a plan.
That we’d uphold our traditions.
Sneaking out to a bar called Ballad of the Bards, every Friday night.
Now that my graduation is once again a dream, I’ve been counting down the days until I can go see them.
And I get that what I’m proposing to Jupiter and Echo may not be their cup of tea. But I honestly feel good for the first time in a long time. I smiled for the first time in a long time, and it’s because of them. They’ve been so nice to me. So I had to.
“Well, we aren’t but I was talking more about off the books,” I say, leaning forward.
Both their eyes shine at my words.
Jupiter is the one to speak first. “Oh my God, yes please.”
“What she said,” Echo says enthusiastically. “Please take us.”
“Yay! Deal,” I tell them and they squeal and high five before high five-ing with me. “We go Friday night.”
I was already pretty excited about Friday but now that spark grows. And it makes me feel like myself for the first time in days. For the first time ever since I found out that I wouldn’t be able to graduate with my friends.