So yeah, things have been tough.
But still I’ve managed.
“You like the set?” he asks.
“Do you even have to ask? You killed it. I loved it,” I tell him.
I love you.
He laughs then, a brilliant sound, only slightly high and drugged. “Ah, Poe. You are amazing.” He comes to hug me then. “So fucking amazing for my ego.”
I clench my eyes shut then. As I get to feel his body.
As I get to smell him after months.
The last time I saw him was over Christmas break. He was back in town with his friends and I snuck out to go see him and his show while I was at the mansion for the holidays.
He breaks the hug — too early in my opinion — and looks at me intensely. “It’s happening.”
“What?”
His face splits into a grin. A huge grin. “We’re doing it.”
“Doing what?”
His grin gets even bigger if possible before he declares, “We’re going on tour.”
I freeze then, my eyes going wide.
But he doesn’t have that problem. He’s high and he’s animated so ignoring my shock, he pumps both his hands in the air and jumps up and down, screaming, “Woohoo! We’re going on tour, baby!”
Which elicits a similar reaction from a number of people.
I’m still frozen though. I’m still immovable.
And I only move when he lowers his arms, wraps them around me and says, “And I want you to come with me.”
“What?”
“I want you to come with me on this tour, Poe.”
My heart thumps. And thumps and thumps again.
Before my own lips stretch into a wide smile. “Oh my God.” My arms around his body tighten and I exclaim again, this time louder, “Oh my fucking God.” Which makes him chuckle and I burst out laughing as I hug him, and keep chanting, “Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I can’t believe this. This is…” I pull back so I can look at him. “I’m so proud of you. I’m… I knew you could do it. I knew it. I fucking knew it, Jimmy.”
I did.
He’s phenomenal.
His voice is amazing. I knew someone would recognize it. I knew someone would see all his talent and give him a chance.
High school dropout with no future. Oh please.
Take that, you devil guardian. My Jimmy did it!
“You haven’t answered my question yet,” he says.
At this, my heart thumps again. “Y-you want me to go with you?”
“Yeah.” He smiles.
“Really?”
He gazes into my eyes, gazes as he responds in a low, husky whisper, “Who else, Poe? Only you.”
Oh my God.
Oh my fucking God.
I can’t believe this. I absolutely cannot believe this.
Okay so here’s the thing: I’m in love with Jimmy, okay? I wanted to tell him three years ago that I loved him. Me.
But.
I didn’t know what his response would have been. Because I didn’t know if he loved me back or not.
We were friends, yes. Great friends, and I knew he liked me as one. But I didn’t know if he liked me the way I liked him.
And so this summer, when I got out of St. Mary’s, I was finally going to tell him. I was finally going to confess my feelings to him and I had made all the plans to make him fall in love with me. I’d made all the plans to convince him to be with me.
So this summer was going to be my summer of dreams.
Until all my plans were destroyed, but…
The fact that he’s inviting me on tour. The fact that he’s gazing into my eyes. He’s gazing…
“It kicks off in four weeks,” he tells me and I freeze again.
“What?”
He nods. “In four weeks, we’re gonna be on a bus, traveling cross-country, and I want you with me, Poe. I want you by my side.”
“I…” I shake my head. “F-Four weeks?”
“Yeah.”
“But I —”
“No, listen,” he says, cutting me off, his voice sounding oddly sober as he puts his hands on my cheeks and tilts my head. “I know. I know quitting school isn’t ideal. But you don’t need that shit, Poe. You don’t need a fucking diploma. I mean, look at me. I don’t have one and I turned out okay, yeah?”
“Jimmy, I —”
“No, don’t say no,” he says, his eyes intense and clear. “Just please, come with me.”
I grab his wrists. “I… It’s about more than the diploma, remember? I told you. If I don’t graduate high school, I don’t get —”
“You don’t need that shit either,” he tells me. “I can take care of you.”
“But –”
He comes even closer to me. “Look, I know there’s something here. Between us.”
My heart thumps harder and I whisper again, “What?”
“I like you, Poe,” he says. “I liked you three years ago when I saw you in the woods and I like you now. I think this could go somewhere, you feel me? We could be something, you and me. And I’ve waited enough. That fucking douchebag guardian of yours has made us wait enough. I’m not letting him control me or you. So you’re coming with me.”