But the words that come out are totally different.
“Happy birthday.”
It’s his turn to flinch.
Maybe it was a stupid thing to say.
But it is his birthday.
Mo told me this afternoon after I told her that it was his idea that I come and spend the weekend at the mansion with her. She also told me that he doesn’t like celebrating his birthday. But when I asked her why she did what she always does: shut down, telling me that it’s his story to tell and not hers.
I didn’t push her but I’ve been wondering about it ever since. Like I wonder about all the things related to him.
“I know you don’t care about your birthday,” I continue, “but no one should go without a happy birthday on their special day, so.” Then, “I’m sorry I ruined your night. I’m sorry that I’ve been lying to you for three years. But I only did it because you left me no choice.”
That’s when I duck my eyes and burrow even further into his jacket. Because that’s all. That’s all the energy I have.
Now I just want to go home and curl up into myself and disappear.
But he’s not done yet.
“You can spend the weekend with Mo as planned but on Monday, we’ll talk about your future at St. Mary’s.”
***
“Are you sure?” Echo asks on a whisper, her eyes wide and concerned.
Which I completely understand.
“Because if you aren’t sure, I don’t think you should do this,” Jupiter adds, her voice equally quiet and her eyes equally wide and concerned.
And again, I understand that.
I understand where they’re both coming from.
“I think you should really think about what this could mean,” Echo insists.
“This could have really dire consequences. Not only for him,” Jupiter explains. “But also for you.”
“Yeah.” Echo nods urgently. “What if he doesn’t go for it? What if this whole plan backfires? What if —”
“Okay, stop,” I tell them both in a firm voice, but only a touch above a whisper. “Both of you.”
Like the good friends they are, they do.
But their concern is another matter altogether. It doesn’t go away and it squeezes my heart.
It shakes my resolve. It makes me think — for the hundredth time since I came up with the plan in that mansion, up in my room, three days ago — that I shouldn’t do this.
That this is not only foolish but also dangerous.
This is evil.
This is even more evil than the blackmail plan we’d come up with. More evil than finding his weakness and using it against him. Because I’m not looking for an existing weakness, I’m creating one.
It’s like planting evidence rather than discovering it.
“Look,” I begin and they both throw me expectant looks. “I know everything. I’ve thought about everything. I’ve run all the scenarios through my head, okay? All the pros and all the cons and…” I sigh, closing my eyes for a second. “There’s no other way. I have to do this. I have to take the risk if I want to be… free.”
Because in a few hours, he’s going to do what he told me he would.
He’s going to lock me up here and this time, Mo won’t be there as a buffer.
He’ll deliver the news personally and break all my dreams forever.
That’s why he’s called me into his office at five o’clock today.
Hasn’t he?
He’d said that we’d talk about my future on Monday — which only means one thing — and Monday is here. Well, for that and also for detention.
Which, according to his note that he had delivered first period, will last until he decides otherwise.
“Okay. Yeah. Yes. I get it,” Echo whispers, pulling me out of my thoughts.
Jupiter says, “So what, ten minutes then?”
For a second I can’t speak.
Because I’m so overwhelmed.
By their support and easy agreement.
It means more than I can ever say.
I nod, blinking my eyes and getting rid of the moisture. “Yes. Just keep him occupied for ten minutes or so. Make sure that he stays with you. I’ll just get in and get out.”
Jupiter nods her head with determination. “Okay. I can do ten minutes.”
Echo nods. “Yeah.” Then sighing too, she throws me a tiny smile. “Good luck.”
Then they both get out of the bathroom where we’ve been huddled in a group and walk in the direction of the cafeteria; we saw him go in for his lunch. And I go in the opposite direction.
Where his office is, and where I’m going to plant a little camera and begin the end.
I got the camera from Lucy.
Lucy works at the soup counter. And she has always loved my Himalayan crocodile Birkin from Hermès. Or rather, Charlie’s Himalayan crocodile Birkin from Hermès that I was bequeathed. I mean, who wouldn’t? It’s arguably the most expensive handbag to ever exist and was gifted to Charlie by one of her producer boyfriends.