“Let me go,” I breathe out, freezing in my seat.
“Yes. None of what happened with Charlie is your fault. And neither is it his. But it needs to end now. Whatever he’s trying to play at by keeping you here, I’m telling him that it won’t fly anymore. It’s not fair to you.”
I know it’s not.
I know that.
But suddenly I don’t care.
I absolutely do not care about being fair or unfair.
All I care about is finding him.
All I care about is touching him, talking to him. Seeing his face.
God, I want to see his face.
I want to trace that bump on his nose. I want to sink my fingers in his scruffy jaw.
His thick hair.
Something that I haven’t even touched yet.
My fingers are tingling with the need. My heart is clenching and squeezing with the urge to see him.
But I have to do this one thing first.
This one thing, this one weight that I have to shed, before I can go to him.
I guess it’s the other reason why I came to Mo tonight. Because I need her to make things right.
“Can you,” I ask, wiping off my tears, “do one favor for me, Mo? I have to do this one thing. Can you help me do it, please?”
After I asked Mo to do me this favor, I threw up.
And I kept throwing up for about twenty minutes. After that, I cleaned myself up and put on some fresh clothes and came here.
To the same bar as Friday, because I know Jimmy is playing again tonight.
He’s been texting me since last Friday when I disappeared out of the blue. He’s been worried and his usual caring and loving self. I didn’t tell him what had transpired and why I’d disappeared though, because I didn’t want him to worry even more. I didn’t want him to think that I wouldn’t be able to do the tour with him.
But now I have to.
I want to.
I want to tell him that I won’t be able to go. Because the only way that I can go is by hurting him in the process — Alaric, not Mr. Marshall; he’ll never be Mr. Marshall to me now — and I’m not willing to do that.
I’ve decided to finish summer school instead. I’ve even decided to stay beyond that if that’s what he wants.
Because I want to show him that I’m sorry. That I have remorse. And this is my penance.
Besides, it would be nothing more than what I deserve, so.
Mo is outside waiting in the car, because she insisted on coming. I only wanted her to make arrangements to have the car ready so I could go by myself; if I was going to break his rule one last time, I wanted to do it as gently as possible. Hence telling Mo about it and using his car so it’s slightly less rebellious.
I know it’s silly — these tiny steps to ensure I’m not going way over the line while still going over it — but I didn’t know what else to do. I needed to tell Jimmy in person. He deserves at least this much after everything, after my promises that turned out to be false.
But suddenly as I stand here in the middle of the crowd, waiting for him to finish his after-show routine — he just finished his set and is now in the process of shaking hands and chatting with his fans — I’m rethinking this decision.
I’m rethinking this hard.
Because he’s…
He’s kissing another girl.
One of his fans.
A few seconds ago they were simply chatting, but then he leaned down and before I could blink, he was on her.
He was actually on her and now they’re full on making out.
There’s groping hands and rubbing bodies and clapping and cheering. There’s also Erica. Who I thought was the biggest threat to my relationship with Jimmy.
But right now she is stunned. Just like me.
And I actually feel some sort of kinship with her.
I can’t believe this.
I can’t believe that he’s kissing someone else. After everything that we’d promised to each other.
After all the texts and emails these past couple of weeks.
All the anticipation that he’d shown and all the enthusiasm and longing. He even wrote me a freaking song and sent a few lines every day via text so this fucking wait would get easier.
I’m not naive though, okay? I’m well aware of his lifestyle. He’s handsome. He’s in a band. He lives in New York. Of course he’s been with other girls. And while I’ve never been with another guy, that was my choice. I never asked Jimmy to be loyal to me in that sense. It did piss me off to see girls flirting with him, but I curbed my jealousy and understood.
But what the hell?
What the fucking hell?
Things had changed between us and now he’s kissing another girl.