“But you’re a beautiful woman. Don’t you want to—”
“No.” I turn my head and shoot a look his way. “I don’t want to waste money on things that don’t matter. Or are you saying that I only matter if I dress up in five-hundred-dollar jeans?”
He swallows hard. “No. I’d never say that.”
“Good. So Walmart it is. Actually, first, I’d really like a burger, fries, and a milkshake.” I have to start erasing the taste of Flier nectar from my mind, or I’ll never eat right again.
Dave cranks the engine and revs. “Fast-food breakfast, coming right up.”
CHAPTER FOUR
The trunk of Dave’s Ferrari is filled with clothes, essential female products, toiletries, two pillows, hiking boots, linens, an inflatable bed, protein bars, multivitamins with iron, and a case of Ensure.
I can’t believe the looks I got while shopping, too. Yes, I’m absolutely skeletal, and I’m still wearing Bard’s rolled-up sweats and his XL flannel shirt with holes—from when a Flier bit me—but people were a little rude. Even the manager came around to see why the twenty-eight-year-old “bag lady” was shopping with an Easter egg. Dave explained I had nothing to wear after my house burned down, so I’ve been in these clothes a while.
Actually, I’ve been wearing them since the day Alwar dragged me through the window in the master bedroom on the second floor of Grandma’s mansion. That was the moment I learned I was a proxy and he expected me to fight for him. It didn’t take long for Benicio to steal me away, making it difficult for Alwar to issue the proxy challenge. His gladiator was missing.
Jeez. I can’t believe all that I’ve been through since Grandma Rain died. It’s a lot to process. Maybe that’s why I feel like two different people. One I know. The other I don’t.
The Lake I know wants somewhere safe to hide. She wants to make sense of what went on beyond the wall. How was she so easily seduced by a man who’s so clearly a predator? I get that he has abilities, but Benicio overpowered me in seconds like it was nothing.
The Lake I don’t know has no interest in understanding. She wants revenge. She hates that a man—a vampire—reduced her to a needy, pathetic, quivering heap. Please bite me again, Benicio. Drain the life from me. I want you to. That’s not me.
Yet, here I am, the Lake I know, secretly pining to get back to the Blood King’s palace for another fix. My heart wants to be by his side, where it says I belong. My brain tells me my heart is wrong, that it’s my body—my addiction—speaking. And my body tells me it’s never been happier than when it was in the Blood King’s bed.
It’s two against one. That’s my problem.
Benicio’s venom made me feel whole and loved and complete. It freed my mind from the pain of knowing my grandma lied about everything and didn’t prepare me for what was to come. Benicio was the first to tell me the truth about what really happened to my parents and why the Wall Men kidnapped me. Benicio also kidnapped you from the wall and almost drank you to death.
“No. No. I don’t want to hear it.” I spear my fingers through my tangled hair and grab a fistful. The tug-o-war between my two sides is driving me insane!
“I didn’t say anything. Are you all right, Lake?” Dave, who’s driving us through town, glances over.
“No. I’m not fucking all right. Haven’t you seen?” I hold up my arms. “And the worst part is, I want more. I want him to suck every last drop from my body, because I can’t stand the fact that Grandma Rain is gone, that Bard is gone, that my parents died for nothing, and that everyone I’ve ever known has lied to me. Including you. I can’t deal with it anymore, and the only relief I’ve had comes from a man who is gorgeous and sexy and tells me how important I am. He says I’m beautiful and he’ll do anything for me.”
Dave slows the car and pulls off on the side of the road. “Lake, what happened to you?”
He thinks I’m crazy, and I don’t blame him. “What hasn’t happened to me?”
“I don’t know.”
It’s too much to explain, and he wouldn’t believe me anyway. “Never mind. I’m just…I need…” Shit. What do I need? I miss Grandma Rain’s no-bullshit way of things. I miss Bardolf’s cut-and-dried outlook on life. I miss having a clear head and a clear heart.
“Yes?”
“Can you take me home, please?” I ask.
“But I thought you wanted to visit Bard’s family.”
That wasn’t my idea or plan; it was Gabrio’s. I need to start thinking for myself. Otherwise, I’ll continue to be pulled in a million directions by everyone around me. Maybe that’s the reason I couldn’t do more than thumb through a few pages of Bard’s notebook. Mostly recipes from what I saw. But what happens when I find the note Gabrio mentioned, and it says something practical like, Watch your back? What if it says he loved me after all? Both will make me feel like crap—either a confirmation that he never felt a thing or that he did. Now that he’s gone, I’m not sure which is worse. So I set the notebook inside the purse I just bought and left it there. I need sleep. I need rest. Then I can deal with whatever bombshell’s waiting for me.