‘I have to think not,’ she said, determined to believe it. ‘Eventually the medication kicked in and suppressed the mania but even that wasn’t easy to deal with because it put me in a fog of nothingness which was almost as horrible as what had gone on before. At least then I had the ups.’ She fell back against the pillows and gave a sigh of regret and sorrow. ‘Looking back, I don’t recognise any part of myself. I have no idea who I was. I totally lost me and that makes me sad because I’ll never be the person I was before again, and I rather liked her. She was fun and fearless. I’m not even sure who I am now.’
‘Josh knows who you are,’ he said with quiet conviction.
‘That’s what the doctors told me. It’s taken a while to believe it myself. And to believe that I will be, that I am, OK.’
‘Are you?’
‘I think so,’ she said, casting him a small smile. ‘But I’ve been here before. A relapse isn’t out of the question. And I worry about getting depression. I’ve been warned that women who’ve had post-partum psychosis can end up with bipolar disorder.’
‘If any of that happens, I’ll be there to catch you. I’ll keep you safe.’
He would, wouldn’t he? ‘Thank you.’
‘I should be the one thanking you,’ he said gruffly. ‘But in all honesty I really don’t know what to say.’
‘Then why don’t you kiss me instead?’
‘That I can do.’
He reached out and wrapped a hand around the back of her neck as she moved towards him, and captured her mouth in a soft, soul-stealing kiss that slowly swept away the memories and the anguish and replaced them with a rush of heat and want.
‘I’m sorry,’ he murmured when they broke for breath.
‘What for?’
‘Not being there for you.’
‘You couldn’t have known.’
‘The morning after the night we met, just before you left, I was going to suggest we exchange numbers.’
Her eyes widened. ‘Were you?’
‘I thought about asking you to dinner.’
‘Did you? Why?’
‘I liked you.’
‘It was just sex.’
‘No, it wasn’t.’
She had to agree, and when she fleetingly thought about what could have been if only she’d had his number her heart squeezed with regret. ‘Hindsight is pointless,’ she said quietly. ‘That me doesn’t exist anymore.’
‘Yes, she does.’
‘She’s battered and bruised.’
‘She’s brave and resilient and stronger than anyone I’ve ever met.’
God, someone should bottle him. ‘I bet you say that to all the girls.’
‘You’d be surprised,’ he murmured. ‘And in any case, there hasn’t been anyone else since I first met you a year and a half ago.’
For a moment she just stared at him. ‘Are you serious?’
‘Why would I lie?’