Pulling out of the parking lot, I hear Casper behind me on her chopper, and Vincent is just behind her in his car. I change gears and hit the gas, letting the wind flow around us and blow away the bullshit. Some people say when they’re on their bike, they’re free, but not me. When I’m on mine, it’s a reminder of what I’m missing and who’s not sitting behind me, where she should be. Riding with Julie and feeling her warmth at my back changes everything.
When I feel her face press against me from behind, I reach back and rub her thigh, letting her know I feel it too. In this moment we are connecting and thinking back to all the other rides we’ve taken together. It feels like old times, and our hearts recognize what we once were. I’ve fought this thing between us, and I’m tired—so fucking tired—of fighting it. One thing in my entire life has made me happy and made me a better man, and that’s Julie. She’s my everything, and I threw her away because I was scared. I know what needs to change, and deciding to go to her tonight was the kick in the nuts I needed. It was the universe telling me, “Hey, dumbass, you’ve got one more chance,” and I’m not about to waste it.
We pull up to the iron gates, and I punch in the access code to the clubhouse. I look back at Julie and I can tell she’s seen the numbers I put in. I’ve always used her birthday, and I’ve never even thought about changing it. We don’t say anything as I roll through, pulling up outside the clubhouse, and helping her off the bike.
When I walk up to the double doors, I take her hand. She pulls back and just stands there, looking at me and then at the doors.
“We’ve got a lot to talk about, shortcake, so let’s get inside.”
Casper and Vincent stroll up beside me and stop to look at us. “Since she’s your wife, I guess that means she’s old lady status, but you might wanna check with Pres since she’s not agreeing to much, and she’s not sporting your tags,” Casper says.
I hate to admit it, but Casper has a point. Vincent shakes Casper’s tags around his neck as he walks by, both of them going into the clubhouse and leaving us outside.
I look back at Julie, and she crosses her arms over her chest.
“Baby, you’ve gotta wear my tags to get in. No exceptions.”
“I guess I’m not going inside then.”
She’s doing that ‘stubborn Julie’ thing I fucking love, but right now isn’t the time to be proud. “I get that you want to be right, and you still can be, but you can’t go through those doors without my tags on.” As I say it, I pull my tags out of my pocket and hold the chain open so she can put it on.
She looks back at me and then at the doors, but still stands there with her arms crossed. We are both frozen in our stubborn stance when she finally speaks.
“The last time I came to those doors I was five months pregnant with your son. I didn’t tell Lucias I was pregnant. I just told him I needed to see you. I thought you should’ve heard that from me, and truthfully, I didn’t want you to be with me because you felt obliged. When I said I needed to see you, Lucias told me to disappear and leave you alone because it was for the best. I didn’t need anything from you, but I thought you deserved to know. Making the decision to leave you that day and to raise our baby on my own was the hardest decision I’ve ever made in my life. So I’m sorry if I’m not super eager to bust in there and pretend like everything between us is fine.”
“Jesus, Julie. No one ever told me. I swear. Back then, fuck, I was a mess. Just hearing your name sent me on a bender for weeks. I drank and did drugs to try to make the pain go away. I did everything I could to forget us and how goddamn much I loved you. But nothing worked. Please, Julie, please. Just come inside with me and talk. It’s the one place I can keep you safe, and we need to get some shit between us straight. You don’t have to forgive me, but putting them on tells everyone you’re mine, and it’s the only way you can get inside.”
“Fine. Let’s get it over with.”
She leans forward a little, and I put the chain over her white blonde curls, around her neck. Once they hang in place over her heart, I feel something inside me settle. Something I didn’t even know was there.
I take her hand, and she lets me lead her through the doors and into the club. The main room is huge, and a few people are hanging out playing pool. There’s a long bar across one wall, and on the other side are couches facing a bank of tvs. No sweet butts are allowed in the clubhouse because they stir up shit, and Pres only wants people he can fully trust behind these walls, so on a Saturday night it’s not too packed. A few of the old ladies like to party, and some of the guys don’t mind sharing, so it can still get a bit rowdy, even with only a handful of people. Thankfully it’s a quiet night, and I just keep walking through to the back stairwell.
The house is spread out over a couple of floors, the top one is half mine and half Pres’s. He wanted us to live at the club to be close to everything at all times. Casper and Scribe have their own places, but they each have a room here to crash in case shit goes down. Pres and I live here full time since we both work at the garage on the other side of the compound, and aren’t interested in tagging pussy.