Present Time
I walk back into the kitchen to distract myself. I really don’t know why all these people have to be here after the funeral. I know they are trying to show support, but I want everyone gone.
I can’t be mad though. How could they know what happened between us? They don’t know he cancelled meeting with me the next day because he got caught up at work and instead continued to couch surf. At least he called that first day though. The next week it was only sporadic text messages. Eventually he left me with a message saying that we needed some time apart to find ourselves again. Whatever that means. I wasn’t the one going around fucking other people.
I hadn’t even talked to him for over a month when I got the call about the wreck. He was killed instantly in a head on collision. I still can’t seem to process that he isn’t here anymore. It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense.
I put the fifth casserole in my fridge. Jake’s aunt pats my arm. “You need anything at all, just give us a call. Okay?”
I give her a quick hug. “Thanks.”
Jake’s mom is the last one left. “Do you want me to stay?” she asks.
I sigh and shake my head no. “I think I want to be alone.”
She gives me one last hug. “I’ll be in touch. I’d like to come by and take some of Jake’s things if that’s okay with you.”
“Of course.” I give her a half smile. I don’t know that I want his things around anyway.
I finally shut the front door and am alone again. I walk back over to the living room and grab my laptop from where I left it this morning. I re-read the email from our lawyer. Jake had a big portion of our savings tied up in this new investment he was working on, and now that he isn’t here, the whole thing fell under. I still don’t understand why he didn’t have life insurance. I guess he felt invincible like we all do. I asked him if he needed help looking over his benefits, but he acted like he had it all handled.
I let out another frustrated breath. How am I going to do this? I can’t afford this house. I have no education or work experience. We only have enough left in savings to last me a few months. Then I am going to need to have some sort of income in order to be able to stay here.
I guess I could sell it and go stay with someone, but I don’t know who. I don’t want to go back home. All my friends were more Jake’s friends. I feel funny around them now. Did they know the whole time what was going on with him? I’ve never felt so alone.
I close the laptop and walk back to the kitchen. I’ve dealt with enough today. I will figure this all out tomorrow. I grab the bottle of wine out of the fridge. I don’t even bother grabbing a glass. Then I head into my room alone just like I’ve been for the past few months and try to call it a night.