Bitter

He cringes. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. You were playing with your ring finger. I did it a lot after my divorce.”

I give him a half smile. I never really know how to tell people about Jake, but he’s the one who offered up the personal information in the first place. “Uhm...widowed.”

Kirk opens his eyes wide. “Ahh, fuck me,” he sighs. “Hey mouth, meet foot,” he jokes.

I let out a small giggle, and he looks at me surprised. I give him a reassuring smile. “It’s okay.”

He nods toward my hand again. “What made you take off the ring?”

I smirk at him. “Isn’t that a little personal?”

He gives me a full grin. “People like to open up to their bartenders.”

I raise an eyebrow at him. “Isn’t that more like a local bar? I don’t think people open up to restaurant bartenders. No offense.”

He laughs. “Okay, then tell me because I’m your friend.” He stops when he sees my questioning face. “Your co-worker-friend person.”

I laugh again. “Err…” I make a thinking face.

He leans down on the bar on his forearms. “Because you find me charming then,” he grins.

I bite my lip to hide the stupid smile on my face. I take the moment to fully look at him. He’s definitely attractive. Tall and lean. Not overly fit, but definitely in shape. Blonde hair, longer on top and shorter on the sides, and I can see a few tattoos creeping up his neck through his fitted black button up. He looks like he definitely had a punk phase when he was a teenager but has now fine-tuned the look into something a little more sophisticated.

I give him a flirty smile back. “Are you flirting with a woman who just lost her husband?”

He cocks an eyebrow. “Just?” He stands up straight again and crosses his arms over his chest. “Seems like she is flirting back,” he smiles.

“Fuck,” I whisper to myself and take a sip of my drink.

He smiles bigger. “No judgement here. Everyone grieves differently.”

There’s that word again. He’s right though. I am grieving. I don’t know if I’m grieving the loss of the man himself or not, but I did lose my marriage. I lost my trust. I lost my ability to keep my emotions from going all over the place.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe this is how I grieve. It’s probably why I’ve been acting crazy with Reed. He probably thinks I’m insane. It’s not his place to decide though. I mean, so what? I tried hitting on his friend, and then the grocery store manager, and then himself. Okay, so maybe that last one was a mistake. Definitely a mistake.

He doesn’t understand though. I want to lose myself. I need to lose myself.

“How late are you working tonight?” I ask as I grab my straw and take another sip.

He glances around the restaurant that is starting to thin out now that the kitchen is closed. “Not much longer. Tom is closing tonight.” He nods to the other bartender.

“Ahh…” I nod, and then go back to sipping on my drink.

He smirks back at me. “Are you not going to ask me to hang out?”

I give him a shy smile. “I haven’t decided yet.”

He gives me a cocky smile. “Well how long do you plan on making me wait? In case you didn’t notice, I’m in very high demand.”

I shake my head and try to hide my smile. “By all means, please don’t let me keep you from all these plans you have then.”

He sighs and falls back down to forearms so he’s level with me. “Who am I kidding? I’m lonely as fuck.” His tone doesn’t match his words as he gives me a mischievous grin.

“I somehow doubt that,” I smirk back. He doesn’t seem like the type that ever goes home alone.

He smiles bigger. “Hey, I know what it feels like to go home to an empty bed after being so used to having somewhere there. It’s an eerie feeling. Like watching your own life in a movie or something. How could this be real? One day you are living your life going about your normal routine, and the next, everything changes.”

I breathe out a disbelieving laugh. “Wow,” I say, stunned speechless because that’s exactly what I’m feeling.

I lean forward closer to him. “And how do you cope with it? The loneliness?”

His eyes drop down to my mouth, and then he looks back into my eyes and smiles. “Flirt with recent widows apparently.”

I give him a flirty smile. “I’m gunna be over there.” I nod my head toward the table where most of my coworkers are having their drinks. “Come find me when you’re leaving.”

I turn with my drink in my hand before I can take back what I said and go sit by the rest of my coworkers. I sit down next to Joe. “I think you owe me a drink,” I say as I bump my elbow against his.

He laughs. “Yes, of course!” He turns back to Kirk. “Kirk! We need a round for the table.”

I give Kirk a flirty smile, and he narrows his eyes at me then Joe. “A round of what?”

Joe shrugs. “Surprise us!”