‘Then think.’ He shrugs his shoulders with nonchalant ease. ‘And let me know.’ He paces towards one of the occasional tables, withdraws his wallet and leaves a card on the surface before striding towards the door. I stare at him, frowning. Is that it?
I don’t want him to leave. I want...
But what I want is impossible. Or at least highly inadvisable. I need him to go so that I can start to think straight.
I hold my breath, waiting for him to turn and say something to me, to reassure me, placate me or even to walk back and kiss me all over again, but Santiago is done. He draws the door inwards and leaves the room without a backward glance.
My heart is thumping so hard I genuinely worry it could crack my ribs into tiny shards of bone.
* * *
‘And? How did it go?’
I look at Claudia with a furrowed brow. Where to begin?
Claudia is my senior advisor. I’ve known her since I was a teenager. She’s ten years older than me almost to the day, which as a teenager made her seem quite grown-up, but as I’ve reached my mid-twenties I think of her almost as my contemporary.
Though our life experiences are quite dramatically different. Whereas I am sheltered and, I freely admit, naïve, Claudia is worldly and sophisticated. She takes two months’ holiday every year and goes back-packing all over the world, far off the beaten track. She is fearless and courageous, determined to see every pocket of the earth. A month ago she got back from Nepal and her stories of hikes and cuisine have been feathering my soul ever since.
‘It was fine.’ I reach for a glass of water, taking a long sip, my throat burning at the lie.
‘Oh? I’m surprised.’
‘Why?’
‘Because he’s renowned for being difficult. I would have thought you’d butt heads a bit, particularly given your reservations.’
I look at her for several seconds and then sigh. ‘We did butt heads.’ Unconsciously, I lift my fingertips to my lips and, despite the fact he left the palace hours ago, they tingle at my touch. My body feels half-electric. I don’t know when or how I’ll ever feel normal again.
‘And yet you resolved it?’
‘Not exactly.’
Claudia frowns. ‘I thought the contracts were to be signed today?’
‘No.’ I toy with my fingers. Am I letting my people down by stalling? The boost to our economy from this project would be tremendous, not to mention the flow-on effects for the tourism industry. The whole riverbank precinct would be revitalised by this development.
It’s just not the kind of revitalisation I want.
I understand the economic benefits of his development, but whenever I think of my parents I shudder. This would be an enormous betrayal of their memories, and the promise I made myself right after they died. My mother used to tell me there was no blueprint for being a crown princess, but she’s wrong. I have a blueprint—my parents’ actions—and I want to adhere to it. But turning away Santiago when his development shows such promise for our economy? Guilt and indecision gnaw at my gut.
‘So when?’
I lift my shoulders, then turn to Claudia.
‘What are you not telling me?’
Too much. Yet, although I have a habit of being completely honest with Claudia, I clam up now. What happened between Santiago and me is something I need to make sense of in my own time and in my own way. I can’t discuss it.
‘I might have spoken too frankly with him,’ I say quietly. ‘I was quite forceful in my objections.’
‘To the project?’
Heat marks my cheeks.
‘Oh, Your Highness...’ She shakes her head, her green eyes sparkling. ‘Don’t tell me you called the incredibly wealthy Spanish tycoon some unkind names?’
I grimace.