“What time did you get home,” Tenn says, plopping down next to me.
I slowly turn my head to him and blink. “What do you fucking care? You weren’t here when I got home,” I bark out. Yep, I’m too tired to even care.
He holds up his hands and smiles. “Chill out, I was just asking. Bad date?”
I kick him and stand up. “Just because I’m in a pissy mood doesn’t mean it’s because of a bad date. Maybe it’s because I couldn’t sleep thinking about how great the date was. Maybe it’s because I had to come home and make myself orgasm thinking of how hot he is. Maybe it’s because I wanted to come to your room and kick your ass. There are so many reasons why I could be in a mood, but it’s not because of a bad date,” I shout.
His eyes widen, and he slinks away from me on the couch. “Glad you had a good date then,” he remarks. “So why are you up and ready if you’re so tired?”
“Girls’ day, dipshit. I need to go, so I guess I’ll see you later if you decide to come home at a decent hour, you fucking pig,” I yell, walking outside and slamming the door.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Why did I just attack him like that? He did not deserve that at all. I’m just so tired and he was the only one around, he caught my attitude. I’ll apologize when I get home.
I pull up to my mom’s and get out of the car, taking a deep breath and saying a silent prayer that it isn’t a horrible day. I go inside and walk into the kitchen. “Morning,” I mumble, heading right for the coffee pot.
“It’s almost noon, why do you look so exhausted?” my mom asks, kissing my cheek.
“I had a late night.” I dump the sugar in my coffee and take a long drink.
“Oh, can’t wait to hear all the details. Was it with the guy you went out with on Friday?” she asks, moving around the kitchen like she’s been up for hours, which she probably has.
My dad walks into the kitchen and gives me a hug telling me how gorgeous I look. You’d need to be my dad to think I look gorgeous today. He then moves over to my mom, who’s standing in front of the sink, and wraps his arms around her waist, kissing her neck. So damn sweet, they’ve been married thirty years, and they still act like they are newlyweds.
“Last night was fucking amazing, sweetheart. Your wet pussy tasted like candy…”
“Dad, oh my God please stop. I’m standing right here. It’s too early for this shit, no scratch that, it is never a good time for me to listen to this shit,” I say, trying to cover my ears with my shoulders.
He laughs and swats my mom’s ass. “Sorry, I just can’t get enough of your mother. She’s the most beautiful, sexiest woman there is,” he says, smiling at me.
It’s sweet, and I hope one day to find someone who loves me as much as my parents’ love each other. “I know, Dad, just learn how to whisper.”
My mom looks at me and laughs. “As soon as Brenda gets here we will leave.”
“Where are we going anyway?” I ask, nearly finishing my coffee.
Drying her hands on the dish towel, she kisses my dad before looking at me. “We are going out to lunch, taking a walk on the beach, and checking out that new sex shop. I figured I’d get you a new dildo, you know until you get some real cock.”
I close my eyes and rub my temples. “Sounds like a blast,” I groan. If I don’t kill myself before it’s over.
“Well, it was your father’s idea for the new dildo, so you should thank him.”
Oh, great idea. Let me go out to the garage, throw my arms around him and thank him for the new dildo. Nothing says love like buying your daughter a new toy to get off on.
Lunch wasn’t so bad. We kept the conversation mostly about Tenn, he can thank me later when his mom talks to him. Walking on the beach, it got a little embarrassing when my mom pointed out a couple who were making out and asked if I’d ever had a guy feel me up in public. Which of course led to both of them telling me that if the guy loves you he won’t care who’s around, plus a story each. Now we’ve just pulled up to the sex shop, and I want to just sit in the car.
“Come on I’ve heard this place is amazing,” Brenda says.
Like where did she hear that? Do they belong to some kind of sex group or some shit? I’m twenty-three and have never heard of this place before. They both rush out of the car like it’s Black Friday and they need to be first in line. I get out slow as hell thinking they probably won’t even notice if I’m
not there. They are probably touching and tasting things I never want to see them do anyway.
“Hey, slow poke, get in here it’s amazing,” my mom yells, sticking her head out the shop door.
I walk in and look around. It’s a mall of sex stuff. Aisle after aisle of dildos, sex toys, lotions, and sex apparatuses. There are so many people in here, men and women alike. Some old and some young. I guess one thing is clear, people love sex.
“Regan, come look at this dildo, see if it’s too big for you,” my mom yells through the store.
Un-fucking-real.