CHAPTER6
Leon
Destructive.
That’s what our relationship is.
Drinking the hours away in a sleazy bar on my wedding day is proof of that. Nothing shouts it out louder than fucking my wife with a rubber cock on our wedding night. Symbolic falseness doesn’t get more epic than that. It doesn’t get clearer than dumping diamonds as payment in her lap.
Yet I can’t give it up. I can let my vengeance go as little as I can set Violet free. Because despite it all, I still want her. Worse, now that I have her, I need her. The more I need her, the more I hate her.
And there you have it, a vicious circle of destruction.
She’ll be the end of me, but I can’t let her go. A voice in the back of my head says if this is how I carry on, it’ll be the end of us. We’ll be done long before we even started.
But.
I can’t let my anger go.
Maybe I should just put a knife in her hand and let her cut me down, get it over with.
But.
I need her.
I finish my shower and towel my hair dry, getting drops all over the mirror. Considering how unfulfilling the hand job of earlier was, I pull on a pair of tracksuit pants lest I’m tempted to sate the desire still coursing through me with my wife’s naked body.
The bedroom is dark when I step out of the bathroom. In the light falling from behind me, I make out Violet’s form in the bed. After how I treated her, I didn’t expect her to stay. I thought I’d find her sleeping in the spare room. I would’ve dragged her right back to my bed, but there she is, against all odds, never failing to amaze me. She’s a strange mixture of strength and vulnerability. She’s as assertive as she’s humble, unafraid and simultaneously apprehensive. She’s a puzzle I’ve yet to figure out.
The money is where I left it on the nightstand, and the box with the diamond earrings is lying next to it. I pad over the floor, my bare feet quiet, and climb into bed. The beat of my heart chips away at the walls of my chest, each one like the fall of a chisel. I close my eyes and throw my arm over my forehead, trying to banish my thoughts so that I can get some damn rest, but this thing between us that poisons the air is thick in my throat. It pulses with dull thuds like it has a heartbeat of its own. I swallow around it, tasting the acid of disappointment and regret. Being an asshole has never tasted sweet.
Violet’s breathing is quiet next to me. She’s not sleeping. And I wonder fucking why.
Turning on my side, I throw an arm over her waist and spoon her from behind. Other than her body going rigid, she doesn’t react.
“Relax,” I say, planting a kiss on her neck.
The sweetness of her skin invades my senses, the smell of caramel perfectly fitting. She’s a mixture of bitter burned sugar and sticky sweets.
The tightness of her muscles eases a little. It feels good to hold her like this but even better to know I can coax her into letting her guard down enough to relax, even if only for a short while. It’s like taming a wild cat and being rewarded with a purr. A little of the tightness in my chest eases, my ribcage expanding with the breath I blow out.
“Good,” I say, nuzzling her temple, because this is what I truly want for her right now. She’s been wound into a tight ball of tension since I showed up at Gus’s house with a moving company and told her she had no choice in marrying me.
Despite my resolution, I trail my hand over her stomach and cup her breast. Touching her like this is playing with fire, but I only want to hold her until she falls asleep. I need this.
“What are you doing?” she asks, taking my hand and moving it away.
“Try to let go of your resentment just for a little while and let me keep you warm. We can both do with some sleep.”
Her grip on my hand loosens. Her resistance crumbles. I feel it in the way her taut body turns soft and supple.
“That’s it,” I praise. “Tomorrow you can be angry again.”
Wrong thing to say.
She goes back from pliant to tense in one second, probably remembering all the reasons why she hates me.
Fucking way to go, Leon.