My mouth falls open and dances in wordless animation. Can he read my thoughts? I’m beyond mortified. Heat creeps up my neck to unite with the flush painting my cheeks.
“I’m so sorry”—I clear my throat—“I didn’t mean to stare. How incredibly rude of me.”
A throaty chuckle slips past his full lips as he shakes his head. “No, I meant your clothes. They’re dirty.” To accent his point, he gestures with his chin toward my soiled dress.
I, on the other hand, wish the puddle of mud I’m standing in would swallow me whole.
Scrunching up my nose, I awkwardly tug at my ear. “Oh, right. Well, fuck me, that wasn’t at all embarrassing.”
“Peyton! Language,” Stella scolds, but she’s ignored.
He instantly makes me feel at ease when he chooses to ignore the fact that my feet aren’t the only thing in the gutter. “Hi, Peyton.” As our hands are still intertwined, he shakes them once. That draws attention to the fact that I’m still holding his hand, which is highly improper, but it never crossed my mind to sever our connection.
Regardless, I gently pull from his hold, missing the warmth instantly. “Hello. What’s your name?” His eyebrows arrow upward, but I ignore his strange response. “I’m your new neighbor. If you live here, that is. Don’t worry, my crazy isn’t contagious.” I hook my thumb toward my house. “By the way, I have amnesia. So don’t be offended if I forget we ever met.”
It was supposed to be a joke, a bad one at that, and clear the air, but when his mood sours quicker than curdled milk, I know he doesn’t appreciate my humor in the slightest. I suddenly wonder what I said.
“C’mon, boy.” He turns without delay, patting his thigh, gesturing to Empire it’s time to go. “We won’t bother you again.”
My mouth parts as I’m totally confused. What just happened? “Do you want to stay for coffee?” I have no idea what just possessed me to say that, considering I don’t have coffee—or anything, for that matter—to offer him, but I want him to stay.
However, when he sharply replies, “No,” and takes off in a huff, I’m glad he didn’t accept my invitation because we would be having a side order of awkward with our caffeine.
“It was nice meeting you. Both of you!” I call out, shielding the sun from my eyes with my palm to ensure I’m not seeing things. But it’s clear as day. The stranger is practically running away, desperate to flee from a situation that clearly made him uncomfortable.
I stand on tippy-toes, hoping to catch a glimpse of where he’s going, but Stella blocks my view. “Darling, please reconsider. You’ll probably need a rabies shot after consorting with that beast.” The sad thing is, I don’t know if she’s referring to the man or his dog.
This is exactly why I need to leave. I can’t bear to live under her roof a moment longer. If I’m going to find myself, it most certainly won’t be locked away in her tower. “No, I’m doing this. I have to. You heard what Dr. Martinez said. I need to go out on my own and live my life and be self-sufficient. It’s the only hope I have to remember who I was.”
Stella purses her lips, not at all impressed with my constant need to challenge her. It makes me wonder what kind of a person I was. Have I not defied her in the past? Did I accept her judgmental ways because I was cut from the same cloth?
If that indeed is true, then this is my chance to make amends for all the wrongdoings of my past.
“You may have amnesia, but your constant need to defy me seems to have remained. You’ll learn soon enough. Everything I do is to protect you. Come on, Augusto.” My father is a man of few words. However, it could be because his wife does all the talking for him.
He treads forward and embraces me awkwardly. I stand with my arms rigidly by my sides. I don’t think I was a hugger. With a firm pat on the back, he pulls away and gives me a look that can only be described as him bidding me good luck on my maiden journey. I’ll need it. Stella doesn’t bother with farewells.
Their expensive car leaves smoke in its wake as they speed away back to their cozy lives, hidden from the real world. It’s no wonder I still have no idea who I am six months later. I know I haven’t seen anything they haven’t wanted me to see. Stella’s comment rings loudly in my ears.
“Everything I do is to protect you.”
For quite some time, I’ve had a sneaking suspicion that the Lanes are hiding a deep, dark secret…from me, but more so, about me. It lingers in the air whenever I enter a room; my siblings are too afraid to look at me in case their guilt shows.
Peering off into the distance, I’m hypnotized by the lake once again because it’s why I’m here. I discount all the things I can’t remember and focus on all the things, or thing, that I can. I haven’t told anyone about this memory because, how do you describe something that doesn’t make a lick of sense?
The familiar touch of helplessness overcomes me, and I submerge like a weighted rock to a bottomless depth, unable to breathe. I don’t fight it because it’s become a part of who I am.
Gasping, I attempt to break the surface, but I suddenly can’t swim. The harder I push, the farther I sink. Invisible manacles secure my ankles, dragging me down. Muddy water fills my lungs, and before long, it’s all I can taste. I stop fighting and surrender…surrender to death.
My chest rises and falls as I clutch at my throat, desperate for air. It takes a few moments, but eventually, I steady my breathing and return to the present. The aftertaste of the sullied water is on my tongue; it lurks in the air. The hair at the back of my neck stands on end because I know…I know the answers I seek lie buried at the bottom of the lake. That’s why I’m here. The memory I have isn’t mine…it’s what I witnessed.
So I wonder what it would feel like to remember…remember who I was, but more importantly, remember what I did.