“What happened?” I say in a tone akin to his.
“Life,” is his simple reply. “We used to lie in bed, holding hands as we peered up at the single glow-in-the-dark star—the one I gave you. We used to wish for a life where no one knew our names. We could just live and be happy.”
The vivid image he paints…if I dig deep enough, I can almost see it, feel it. Feel him. I can hear his tender voice as he sings me “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” to help lull me to sleep. I know my life wasn’t smooth sailing, but a profound sadness threatens to drag me under into the murky depths.
I now know why that is.
Hazel had every right to be mad at me. What I did to Ellie, to Cayden, was inexcusable. I was a naïve, lovestruck teenager, and if I could speak to the seventeen-year-old me, I’d tell her to fight for him. He did what he thought was right, but everything is just so fucked up.
“Did you know the guy who insinuated I was some bed-hopping party girl?”
He clucks his tongue, angered. “Yes. That’s Matt. He knows you because of me. We dealt together back in the day. I saw sense while he only saw dollar signs. Whatever you think of yourself, stop it. We smoked some pot, but what kid didn’t? But Matt doesn’t take rejection too well, hence him saying the bullshit lies that he did. He’s always been flirty with you, and you’ve always shot him down.”
I shouldn’t be this relieved, considering I have a lifetime of sins I need to atone for, but at least I can still hold a small scrap of my soul.
“You can imagine my surprise when I saw you back here. I didn’t know what to think. But when you told me what had happened to you, I just…I couldn’t break your heart again.” That tiny tickle kicks down low once again.
Gently breaking our embrace, I look at Cayden through different eyes because I am. I am seeing him for the first time, and what I see takes my breath away. “That’s why you were so standoffish when we first met. You thought I was back to torment you?”
He animatedly shakes his head. “No. You coming back here was like I had a second chance. And when I found out you had bought my old house, which I finally had the balls to sell…it just confirmed that you and I”—he places his hand over my trouncing heart—“will always be unfinished business. I have loved you, Peyton Lane, since I was nine years old. And I still love you. I’ll never stop.”
Without a doubt, Cayden can feel the thrashing of my heart, but that’s okay. I’m done hiding behind my fears. “I’m sorry for everything…”
But he doesn’t allow me to finish as he places his finger on my lips. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who’s sorry for not telling you sooner. But if I could save you the pain, I would happily shoulder your heartache.” He leaves the unspoken lost in the shadows because he doesn’t need to detail the loss we both share.
Innately, I lower my palm to my stomach and feel the tremendous sadness sink low. I was going to be a mother, the mother of Cayden’s child, but life had other plans for me. When I ran off that road, I not only lost my memory, I lost a piece of me too. A piece I will never be able to regain again.
I finally know the truth. There are still so many questions, but for the moment, this will do. Now, I want to mourn the demise of the person I once was. It’s time I let her go and learn from the many mistakes she made throughout her life.
“What are you thinking?” Cayden asks, interlacing his fingers through mine.
We’ve lost so much, wasted so much time. So without holding back, I squeeze his hand and only look at what tomorrow holds. “Nothing. I’m thinking nothing at all.” He opens his mouth, and I do the only thing I can—I kiss him.
At first, he stiffens, and I reassess my decision to lead with my heart. But when he threads his fingers through the curls at my nape and angles my head to perfect our connection, I let go of everything and just feel.
The desperation for our touch only intensifies as we devour one another with fierce, carnal hunger. Our lips, our bodies, move in sync, and although I may not recall the memories he just shared, my body, my soul, does.
I have always felt a deep-rooted connection to Cayden, but at this moment, it almost feels like we’re one. So without fear, I act on that emotion and turn it into our reality. Without untangling my lips from his, I begin unbuttoning the buttons on my dress. When I’ve popped two open, Cayden stills my shaky fingers.
“Let’s not rush things. We just met.” He grins against my mouth, igniting the out-of-control inferno.
He’s right. A lady would wait. But I never claimed to be a lady.
Shrugging from his hold, I declare, “This is happening with or without you. I would prefer with…”
A growl escapes him as his eyelids droop to half-mast. He is so damn handsome. I want this to happen. I want him. A nervous energy thrums through my veins, and I suppose that is what most people would call butterflies. But as Cayden pins me with those steel-blue eyes, it feels like so much more.
I have literally loved this man from the moment we first met—and not just the time I remember, but the one before it as well. Our love hasn’t been easy, but what epic love story is? But I’ll be damned if I make the same mistake again.
With two buttons left, I stop, fixated on Cayden’s chest, which is rising and falling steadily. “Are you okay?”
He shakes his head. “No.” He reveals why in the same raspy breath. “I’m…scared.”
“Scared?”
He licks his lips, averting his eyes. “Yes. I’m scared you’ll disappear again. The only thing harder than letting go is moving on. I can’t lose you again.”
“Hey,” I coo, cupping his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He nods but doesn’t seem convinced. I need him to know that regardless of our past, I won’t mess it up this time. I won’t ever let him go. His uncertainty reveals just how much he loved me, and I make it my mission from this moment forward never to give him a reason to doubt us ever again. “I came back here because of you. And that kind of love withstands the test of time. I don’t care about what we did or who we were. All I care about is you being my forever. Always.”
“This isn’t going to be easy.” He leans into my touch with a heavy sigh.
“I’ve come to learn that nothing with you is.” His smirk can brighten the darkest corner. “But who wants easy? Where’s the fun in that?” I know we have so much more to discuss and that a secret still clouds us, but that can wait—we have forever to get to know one another again.
Cayden’s walls finally crumble, and the simplicity is beautiful.
He turns into my palm, laying a single kiss in the center, before unfastening the last two buttons on my dress. The material hangs open, exposing my bra. Cayden licks his bottom lip before he surrenders. He runs his large hand down my neck, between my breasts, and over the curve of my stomach. When he reaches the band of my underwear, he skims his pointer along the elastic, resulting in goose bumps prickling my skin.