I was right.
Her reputation is what fueled her over the years. In layman’s terms—I was rich, and Cayden was poor, and nothing Cayden could do would ever have her seeing him as anything but unworthy.
“I was pregnant,” I whisper, tears slipping into my parted lips. The room drops about a hundred degrees.
She covers her mouth with a wavering hand. “I know, the hospital told me. I never said anything because it was better that remained forgotten.” Is she trying to label her lies as compassion? “Did Calvin tell you?”
Taking a deep breath, I confess softly, “No…because it wasn’t his baby.”
“Wh-what are you talking about?” she falters, clearly confused by what I’m telling her.
“The baby wasn’t Calvin’s. It was Cayden’s. Looks like you would have been a grandmother to a Coachman. Your worst nightmare come true.”
She turns her cheek like I’ve slapped her. “How could you? I raised you better than this.”
“No, you didn’t. You raised me to be a spoiled brat, one who was to look down on someone who you believed was lesser. But I’m glad I never did,” I dispute, the fight in me dying.
She narrows her eyes, disappointed and also livid I would taint the family name. “Maybe it’s best things ended the way they did then.”
I step back, horrified. “How could you say that?” Is she happy I got ran off the road and lost my baby?
When she sits still, lips pursed, back rigid, I know I will never forgive her for being so cold and callous. Not seeing the point in dragging this out, I save us both the torture of talking to one another and turn on my heel and leave.
A tear scores my cheek, but I wipe it away with the back of my hand. I refuse to shed another one for someone who isn’t worth it. I yank open the door, only to run straight into Isla, my sister. She’s still in her scrubs, so she must be coming back from work at the hospital.
“Peyton? Is everything all right?” she asks, gripping my bicep lightly. She knows what the answer is. She only has to look at my face to see that no, I’m not all right. “Do you want to go for a walk?”
All I can do is nod because I need to talk to someone who knew me before this all happened.
She doesn’t say a word and leads us down the stairs and toward the side of the house, where there is a small sunroom. I have no idea what this is used for because the wicker furniture in here looks brand new. But I suppose that’s the norm for this place—it’s more of a museum than a home.
“What happened?” Isla asks, sitting on the cream sofa and gesturing I’m to sit beside her. I do.
“Stella is what happened,” I reply, tears of anger rising. “I cannot believe I’m related to her. Some days, I think maybe I can’t remember because I don’t want to. I don’t want to remember the person I once was.”
Isla casts her eyes downward, eyes so like mine.
This is the first time in so many months we’ve been alone, as Stella ensured this wasn’t a common occurrence. Isla knows something, and I intend on getting to the bottom of what that is. “Was I happy?”
Isla works her bottom lip, weighing what to say. “Peyton…you were…always living two lives. Here, with us, behaving how a Lane should behave, and back at that lake house with…Cayden.”
A gasp escapes me. “You know about Cayden?”
She nods, the strands of her copper hair slipping free from her bun. “Yes. He was your weakness, but he was also your greatest strength. You loved him for as long as I can remember. And he loved you. You moved, he moved.”
I sit motionless, finally understanding why Stella never wanted us alone together for too long.
“I thought when you got older, that love would fade…but it didn’t. But Mom wouldn’t allow it. So to keep her happy, you used to sneak off and see him. Sometimes for a day, other times, a week. But in the end, you always came back because you were torn between your heart and your head.
“So the answer to your question is, yes, you were happy…but only when you left to see Cayden. When you returned, it was like you were a different person, and I suppose in some ways, you were.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this?”
She shrugs, her guilt evident. “It wouldn’t achieve anything. I was hoping that maybe you not remembering would give you a fresh start, but it seems you can’t seem to forget some things.”
And she’s right. I can understand her reasoning. It’s exactly why Cayden didn’t tell me, but now that I know, the question is, where do I go from here?
“Mom never approved of Cayden, but he did something for you to stay away, didn’t he?” I nod slowly. “You’re too stubborn to only allow her disapproval to get in the way. I don’t know what happened, but whatever it was, it changed you. You became…distant.”
I wish I could tell her, but I can’t. “I think there is something wrong with me,” I confess.
She tilts her head, confused. “Why?”
“Because I tortured and punished the man I loved for ten years.” I’m ashamed because after hearing the truth about who I really am, I now understand why my memory remains in the shadows.
But Isla places her warm hand over my clenched fist. “That’s where you’re wrong. You tortured and punished yourself, Peyton. For ten years, you went back to Cayden, knowing you could never stay. And each time you left him…you left a small piece of your heart with him.”
A sob rattles my chest because, since hearing the truth, I was questioning just what sort of a person I was. But I like this version of events because the way I feel about Cayden now, it fits with the past.
“I love him…” I whisper, as I haven’t been able to vocalize this aloud to him. But after everything I’ve just heard, it seems like I’ve never had a choice.
“I know, Peyton, and that’s okay.”
“Was I in love with Calvin?” I feel like he’s the victim in all of this somehow. But I suppose we all are.
“I think you loved him…but in love, no. You settled because no one would ever be the man you really wanted.”
By this stage, I have once again surrendered to the tears. “Thank you for being honest with me.” I wanted honesty, and I’ve received it in droves.
“It’s okay. I’m just sorry I didn’t do it sooner.” She squeezes my hand with a smile. “Do you need a ride somewhere?” I caught a cab here, so yes, I do.
Sighing, we both know there is only one place I want to be.
“Come on. I’ll take you back home.”