I know I should allow what he told me today to sink in and take some time to myself, but staying away from Cayden is impossible. His reasonings to why he didn’t tell me the truth probably don’t make sense to most, but I understand.
Cayden has always put me first to ensure my happiness before his. He believed saving me from the heartache was the right thing to do because that’s what we do for the people we love—we sacrifice our soul to save theirs.
How can I be mad at him for having my best interests at heart? Our story is incredibly fucked up, but it’s ours.
“Let’s go,” I pant, breaking the kiss. “This place is one memory I’m happy not to remember.”
Cayden rubs his nose against mine and nods.
We walk back toward his truck, hand in hand. “Are you hungry?”
“I could eat,” I reply, although my appetite is shot.
Cayden senses my worry and stops me from getting into the truck. “Did I make a mistake in bringing you here?”
“No.” I shake my head animatedly. “I’m glad that you did. Thank you. It’s helped me understand our past. I just hate that we’ve wasted so much time. That our lives have been shaped by others.”
His shoulders rise as he sighs. “I know. Me too.”
Will this feeling of remorse ever fade? When I think about what we did to Cayden’s dad, I know the answer is no. How can it? Look what we did.
“Stop it,” Cayden says, gripping my chin and pinning me with a passionate stare. “He isn’t worth it. Trust me. It’s taken my whole life to realize that.”
I’ll have to take his word for it. “Okay.” Tired of all the doom and gloom. I peck his lips before getting into the truck.
“Do you feel like Chinese?”
“Yes!” I exclaim, bouncing in my seat. “I love Chinese. But you already knew that, didn’t you?”
His smirk is all the answer I need.
When he starts the engine and drives away, a weight is lifted from my shoulders because this place has me thankful that I don’t remember.
Needing to focus on something else, I decide to talk about my home. “You’ll have to come over and look at the house. It’s looking really good.”
Now that I know my house was once Cayden’s, it feels strange referring to it as mine.
“Maybe after we eat?” he suggests. “You can give me the grand tour.”
My cheeks instantly flush because the moment we step foot inside the bedroom, I am going to replace the bad memories with only the good. But I attempt to remain passive. “Sure.”
When he clears his throat, I’m privy to what he wants to ask. “How’d it go with your mom?”
I can’t stop the scoff which escapes me. “It went exactly how you think it did. I told her I knew everything.”
“And?” he prompts gently.
“And it’s clear my mother is a heartless bitch,” I reply without pause. “I told her”—I cast my eyes downward—“about the baby.”
Cayden hisses softly, his pain evident. Nothing will ever take that heartache away, but I try to be strong. Even though I don’t remember, that doesn’t make this any easier to talk about.
“I’m glad she knows because she can remain a forgotten memory. She’s dead to me.” I screw up my face, suddenly wishing I used another phrase.
The truck falls silent because sometimes, this is just too much for us both.
“I’ve been thinking about what our next step should be.”
“I’m listening.” I turn in my seat to face him.
His hands are tight around the steering wheel as he’s clearly tense. I suddenly get the feeling I won’t like what he has to say. “There was a guy, Benny, my dad knew—”
But I’ve already heard enough. “Okay, stop. Anyone that your dad knew is someone we don’t want to know.”
But Cayden shakes his head. “He wasn’t like the rest of them. When he stopped by, he used to bring Lacey and me candy or some cheap toy. When I was older, he was the one who gave me my first dirty magazine.”
“I stand by my earlier comment,” I interrupt, shaking my head in disgust.
But Cayden ignores me. “I know it doesn’t sound like it, but he actually seemed like an okay sort of guy.” I cock a brow in disbelief but allow him to continue. “Anyway, just after what happened with my father.” He swallows, while I steady my breathing. “Benny came around, looking for him. I of course told him that I hadn’t seen him and that I was certain he split. But Benny knew I was lying. You can’t bullshit a bullshitter, remember?”
“What happened?” I ask, rubbing my sweaty palms together.
“He told me my dad owed him a lot of money and that I was to call him when my dad returned. I never found out how Benny knew him, but it was evident Benny was someone you didn’t want to mess with. I found out how much and googled him. I knew his nickname was The Owl, so doing a basic search, I uncovered that Benny was my dad’s boss, I suppose you could say. He was caught and did time for extortion as well as some drug trafficking offenses.”
My eyes widen as I don’t understand where he’s going with this.
“He got out,” Cayden explains, filling in the blanks. “About a year ago. I’m sure he’s got a score to settle. If I were to call him and tell him about my dad—”
“No, absolutely not!” I exclaim, sitting taller in my seat. “That is not going to happen. You’re not involving yourself with someone whose nickname is The Owl.”
“I know it’s risky, but like I said, he never hurt Lacey or me, and he could have.”
“Cayden, no way. I won’t cover one crime with another. Two wrongs don’t make a right.”
“Sometimes they do,” he rebukes, his jaw clenched.
“No,” I repeat. “We will figure out another way, okay?”
His eyes are focused ahead, but I don’t need to look into them to see the rage within.
“Well, I’m all ears because I don’t know what else to do.”
“Surely, we can explain to the police what we did. I mean, we were kids, and after what he did to us, they will understand.” I know what that means. It will drag up old memories for both Lacey and Cayden, but resorting to crime to cover another crime just doesn’t sit right with me.
“We could,” Cayden says while hope rises. It deflates as soon as it appears. “But that’ll mean my dad’s old friends will know what we did. And trust me, they’ll ensure we pay. No one likes a rat. We’ll have a target on our backs. I can’t do that to you. Lacey. And more importantly, Ellie.”