Chapter Thirty-Five
Luke
For just a moment, I lay there, letting Ana’s response sink in. She’s not on birth control. It’s as if someone just slammed cymbals right beside my head, the impact jolting me and then humming a bit. She might be pregnant. I wait for my rejection and panic over the idea, but I find neither of these things. In fact, the idea sits pretty well, sliding down low in my gut, and singing a bit.
I sit up next to her, intending to feel out what she’s thinking, intrigued by the idea, despite the breakup convincing me a family wasn’t for me. I’m shifting back into “us” mode. I hope like hell she’s doing the same. We’ve always tended to have these shifts together, which is a shared chemistry you don’t even realize as the treasure it is until you lose that treasure. Now I value everything about us a hundred times more, and I already loved the hell out of this woman. “That’s a no,” I say. “You are not on birth control.”
“No,” she says. “I’m not. I mean I brought it up, and we blew it off, and I guess I just thought—well, it’s you and—”
I lean in and kiss her. “We’ll name her Ashley, after your mother.”
Her eyes go wide and she twists around to face me, holding onto her blanket for dear life it seems. “I’m not pregnant and we don’t want kids.”
“Life and death have a way of changing minds, baby. If you’re pregnant, we’ll embrace it.”
“I don’t know, Luke. A lot has changed. Everyone keeps dying. We live dangerous lives. How would we even keep a child safe?”
“Oh, we’d keep our kid safe, baby. You can count on it.”
“You really want a baby?”
“Do I contemplate life and children? Not since we fell apart. Would I love the hell out of our child? Yes. Don’t think that if you end up pregnant, I’m going to do anything but celebrate with you. I hope you will, too. This is not a bad thing to me. But if you’re not pregnant, then we’ll get birth control and revisit the idea at the right time.”
“I—well—yeah,” she says. “Okay. I mean the things happening right now, make me want to make a change in my life anyway.”
“Meaning what?”
“I don’t know yet. I guess you can help me figure that out. Tell me about your life,” she says. “Where do you live?”
“Wherever you live.”
“I’m serious. You have a life and a job.”
“I live in New York City, but I can work and live wherever I want to. And I don’t even have to do this kind of work, Ana. If we want to start a family, I’ve made a lot of money. More with Walker than I ever made on my own. We can get that ranch and your horses, find a place away from here and safe.”
“Jake tried that. It didn’t work.”
“Jake made the mistake of running instead of tying up loose ends. We aren’t going to do that. Speaking of,” I add, and in what feels so damn surreal of a moment, I slide closer to her, cup her face and tilt her gaze to mine. I want to look into her eyes when I say this. “I don’t have a new ring to give you, but I’ll get one hell of a new one, Ana. Marry me. This time, let’s really make it happen.”
Emotions roll over her face. “God. Is this really happening? Just days ago I thought I’d never see you again. And I like the ring you gave me and I still have it.”
I arch a brow. “Is that a yes?”
“Do you really even have to ask? Of course, it’s a yes.” Her hands press to my face. “And somewhere else, like New York even, or Montana, or Germany or wherever sounds pretty good. I think I want to sell the ranch.”
I brush her hair behind her ear. “Give that some time, baby. You’re reacting to what Darius told you and he really told you nothing about Kurt. Let’s just see where all of this takes us.”
“I don’t think it’s going to be a good place, Luke.”
“Good, bad, or ugly, baby, we’ll figure it out. Okay?”
“I think we might have to shoot some people to figure it out.”
“Hey, I’m up for it. You?”
“Oh yes, I am.”
“Well then, let’s eat our gourmet dinner of protein bars. We’re going to need our strength.”
She laughs and we end up on the floor, lost in conversation, just remembering us but I realize at one point in the conversation why a baby is so damn appealing. Ana has experienced so much death and so have I, for that matter. For once, she needs to experience life. We both do.