Light Me Up

SARA

I knewAlex and Sam were here babysitting me, but luckily, I liked them. Hanging out with friends and cooking dinner together had me forgetting all of the trouble of the past few weeks.

Sam was outside on my deck grilling some steaks while Alex stood at the back counter, whipping up some twice-baked potatoes. Raven walked between her legs, hoping for scraps, but too proud to beg. I had made a salad, but that was easy work, so I busied myself by making a pitcher of sangria too.

I’d given Theo permission to share the Cliffs Notes version of my past with them because I didn’t want to go over it all again. Not so soon after the emotional toll it took on me last night. When they arrived, Alex just squeezed me tightly into the warmest hug, and held onto my hand while Sam did the same.

I’d only known Alex for a little less than a year, but her moving to Moon Harbor was serendipity for us. She’d quickly become my best friend, and a support system I didn’t know I needed. And while I’d known Sam for years, growing closer to him because of Alex had brought so much joy into my life. He was like the big brother I’d never had.

“Hey Sara, you should really get this propane tank looked at, it’s a bit rusty.” He called through the open back door. Sometimes he was like the brother I never wanted, I thought to myself and laughed.

“What’s so funny over there?” Alex asked, an amused look on her face.

“I’m just grateful for this little family we’ve made.”

She put her arm around me and rested her head on my shoulder.

“Me too. We both sure needed it.”

“You’re right about that.”

I knew she was being careful not to talk about the details of my past, but I could tell she wanted to. I couldn’t blame her. But I appreciated her effort because I was still so drained from it all. Unfortunately, that led to a different round of conversation I had not been anticipating.

“So um, you have anything you want to tell me about?”

“What do you mean?” I sliced into an orange with a little more force than was necessary and added the pieces to the pitcher.

“Just you know, wondering why you disappeared the other night and spent it at Theo’s place.”

I ducked my head and suddenly got very interested in cutting up an apple with precision.

“I told you, I needed to speak with him about… you know, my past.”

“Sure, yeah, of course. I mean, you could have called him. It was after midnight.”

“I guess. But I didn’t know how to start the conversation. It’s not something I’m used to talking about.” And that was true, but a part of me shriveled from the lie of omission. Alex was my best friend and I wasn’t being honest with her.

“I totally understand. And I know you don’t want to talk about your past right now, so we won’t. Please just know I’m here for you and I’m in awe of how strong and how brave you are.”

I wrapped my arms around her, and whispered “thank you” because it was all I could do without bringing on all the tears.

When I went back to my apples, I felt Alex still staring at me.

“Okay, what?”

“It’s just that I had to hear from Cheryl McClintock that Theo picked you up in the dark of night sneaking out of our engagement party.” She let out a breath like she had been holding that in for too long.

“What? I told you I wasn’t feeling well.” A groan sounded from my throat. “Fucking Cheryl.” Alex laughed and I scowled. “I’m sorry I left the party early.”

She put her hands up in the air.

“Oh no, you should know I don’t care about that. But it did strike me as odd that you both disappeared without a trace. I thought nothing of it until Cheryl mentioned it. And then I saw the way he acted with you in his office.

“Wait, what do you mean? He was just doing his job.”

“Sara, really?”

She leaned her hip against the counter and gave me a look like I was lovable, but stupid. And maybe at this moment, I was.

“We all know Theo’s great at his job. But I’ve never seen him so enraged, so barely controlled like he was after you got that package sent to you. Sam even mentioned it, but he’s a guy,” she said with a roll of her eyes, “so he obviously didn’t pick up on why.”

“It’s just because he knows me, and it was so grotesque.” The image of that bloodied tongue came to the front of my mind and I shuddered.

“Well, yes it was, and we were all upset by it. But Theo was practically shaking with rage. And when Sam told him you were coming home with us…” Alex whistled. “If looks could kill.”

I looked out the back door to make sure Sam couldn’t hear. He’d know himself in due time, but I needed girl talk first.

“Okay, fine. I’m sorry I kept this from you. But yes, Theo and I…” The memory of his mouth on my neck as his fingers thrusted inside me came flashing in the forefront of my mind. “I don’t even know what we’re doing but it’s not nothing, that’s for sure.”

Alex’s eyes went round as quarters and her lips turned up in a slow smile. I could tell she was trying to keep her reaction controlled by the muscle twitches in her cheek.

“Finally!” she shrieked and Raven meowed in response.

“What?”

“Oh god.” She knelt down to pet Raven and continued. “He’s liked you for so long, you know that. I mean, maybe you don’t. Come to think of it, I’m not even sure he knows that.”

“No, no, he just liked messing with me. I don’t know. I don’t even know what this all means. We just kissed a couple times.” Alex stood again and practically bounced up and down. “And, you know, some hand stuff,” I added, turning to pour myself a big glass of the sangria while she squealed with excitement.

“Okay, I’m trying to calm down. I just love you both and I think you’d be really good together. You know, that opposites attract, competing energy thing. Watching you two is like watching a lightning storm. And anyway, if there’s a chance that two of my best friends could make each other happy, then I’m stanning that. You guys are my One True Pairing.”

“You read too much fan fiction.” I laughed and felt my shoulders sink. “You’re adorable and I appreciate that. But I truly don’t know where this is going. He’s not at all who I thought I’d be with—not that we’re actually together—but he’s also not at all who I really thought he was.”

I thought back to the way he held me as I cried. How he listened to me without ever once disbelieving me like I thought someone might. How he kept me safe in his arms all night long and cooked for me in the morning. How long had it been since I’d let someone take care of me? That I felt taken care of?

“I feel bad I thought so poorly of him for so long. But he has this other side to him. I see that now.”

“No, give yourself a break. He didn’t let you see it before, but that’s not a bad thing either. Sometimes things just need to unfold in their own time.”

I looked at Alex over the rim of my glass of sangria and smiled.

“You know, you are very wise, my friend. And you’ve come a long way from the doe-eyed girl with all her walls up.”

She smiled back and came to put her arm around my shoulders now.

“As someone with recent experience letting her walls down, maybe I can advise you to do the same.”

That smile turned into a knowing look and I tipped my head.

“Perhaps you’re right.”

Her eyes twinkled. “I know.”

* * *