Light Me Up

THEO

“No!”

Sara’s body shook next to me as I came out of a sleep haze. She thrashed back and forth, repeating “no” over and over again. I sat up with a jolt, looking down at her. In the moonlight from the window, I could see the anguish on her face. The fear. It kicked me in the gut.

“Sara!” I called, gently shaking her shoulders. She didn’t wake up, but kept shaking her head like she was begging for mercy. Acid rose up in my stomach, imagining what she was seeing in her nightmare. Thinking about what she’d been through in real life. The thought of her pain made my skin prick with heated anger.

I scooped her up and pulled her into my arms.

“Shh, Sara, you’re okay, baby. You’re safe. I’ve got you, you’re okay.”

Her eyes opened, tears already streaming down her cheeks, her breath coming out in harsh gasps.

“Nightmare,” she whispered. I pulled her tighter to me and rocked her in my arms. My own breath was labored as I willed my pulse to settle.

“I know, baby. You’re okay.”

Sara clung to me and goddamn, did that make my chest swell with emotion. Some unknown type I couldn’t put my finger on.

“I’m sorry,” she said into my neck as she shifted and nuzzled in closer.

My arms now fully enveloped her, one around her back, the other around her shoulders, my hand stroking her hair, as I whispered back to her.

“I used to have nightmares every night. I hated sleeping because of it. Flashbacks would come all day long, but I could at least work through them. At night, in my sleep, they just overtook me until I woke.” She explained on a sob.

And my heart broke for this woman. This beautiful, strong, fierce woman who had been so broken but built herself up all on her own. She opened to me and it was like a gift. She was giving me her trust, her faith that I would be a rock for her. And fuck, that softened something deep inside me.

“I’m sorry, Theo. God, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize. You never have to apologize. I’ve got you.”

I kept repeating it, like a prayer. I’ve got you. You’re okay. I needed both to be true. I didn’t know how we got here, but now that we were, I’d made up my mind. I’d do anything to keep this woman safe and happy.

Our breaths settled after a few minutes and she leaned back far enough to look at me. Through the darkness, I could see her long eyelashes flutter, her lips part.

“Theo.” She brought her hand up to rest against my chest, right over my heart. “How did we get here?”

I knew her question was deeper than either of us were ready to acknowledge. We sat with it, the silence around us enough of an answer for now.

And then, in the dull moonlight, our eyes met and everything shifted.

Sara tilted her head up toward me, I brought mine down, and softly, tentatively, our lips met. But this time felt different than all the others. This time felt less like a bolt of lightning and a force stronger than us pushing us together. Instead, it felt like a choice. An acknowledgement. A yielding to each other and whatever this was between us. And I swore, I felt my heart expand in my ribcage.

I cupped her face in my hands, drying her tears with my thumbs, and deepened the kiss. Sara’s arms wrapped around my torso, her hands finding their way all along the bare skin of my back. Her touch was magic, heightening my senses into a storm of passion. I was floating, spinning, flying in a way I’d never felt in my life. And then all at once, she brought me down to earth again, straddling my lap, grounding me like she was the only thing keeping me on earth.

I shifted to rest back against the headboard, her body in my lap, each leg on either side of mine. She broke the kiss and our eyes met again. Not desperate and needy with lust like in Sam’s garage. No, we looked at each other in a way I’d never done, never felt from a woman. An unfolding. Opening to each other, like a precious gift. And goddamn, my eye prickled with something I’d never admit was a tear.

Sara didn’t speak. Instead, she brought her hand up to my cheek, staring into my eyes, hypnotizing me with her gentleness. This side of her shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did. Or maybe I was just surprised that she chose to share it with me. That I was finally worth more to her than just a sparring partner or a hot make-out session. Because this Sara who was looking at me with so much tenderness right then, she was all in. She was giving herself to me in a way that left me in awe of this—in awe of her.

I let her do what she wanted with me in this moment. I would take over. I’d fuck her like a queen, but right now, I knew she needed this. So I leaned back against the headboard and let her touch me.

She shifted on my lap, a little shimmy that made my dick hard as a rock. And then her hands came down to her nightgown, pulling the hem up and over her head, revealing her naked belly and perky, round breasts. My mouth dropped open at the sight, my eyes taking in every inch of her. And then she brought those hands back to me. Feeling their way up my abs and chest, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

Sara was a fucking goddess. And I was just lucky enough to be here with her. But damn if I wouldn’t try to make her want me for the rest of our days.

“Theo…”

“Yeah, baby?”

Her face softened into a moment of something less sure of herself. And that killed me. Because Sara was confident, she was strong and resilient. And it was okay that she might not feel that way all the time. But I never wanted it to be because of me. Never because of me.

“I want you,” she finally admitted in a soft whisper.