Barred Desires (The Deepest Desires 1)

Branson

Fuck.

This is a fucking disaster.

I knew this was going to happen. Things have slowly been progressing to slightly more than brotherly for a while now, and I should have put a stop to it weeks ago, but goddammit, it’s fucking hard.

It’s hard when he looks at me the way he does. When he feels like home.

His soul calls to mine, like no matter what we do, we are destined to collide.

The front door slams so hard, the door frame shakes in the room. What the fuck? Is he trying to wake up our parents?!

Pulling the curtain open to look, it’s still fucking snowing.

Jesus Christ.

He’s not even wearing a fucking coat.

Running to my room, I slip on my shoes, heading outside after him. Luca, you’re a fucking dumbass, you know that?! It’s fucking freezing, and the snow is coming down rapidly in thick flakes. By the time I get onto the street, he’s halfway down the block. What, is he running a fucking marathon?!

“Luca!” He ignores me and continues his swift pace. Stubborn motherfucker.

“Goddammit, Luca! Will you fucking STOP! Please?!”

I am practically jogging at this point. In a snowstorm. Without proper clothing. At this rate, I will get frostbite before I can even catch up to him.

Finally, more than a fucking block away from our house, I catch up to him. Grabbing his arm, I turn him around to face me. His eyes are filled with unshed tears, brows pulled together, lips pinched in a thin line, and his jaw and neck muscles are constricting. I truly can’t tell if he’s more pissed or hurt because of me.

Either way, I did this to him. I caused him pain.

“What the fuck do you want, Branson?” he hisses through his teeth. “Haven’t you done enough?”

“Don’t be like that, Luc. I’m trying to fucking do the right thing. The responsible thing. What happens when these feelings pass between us? What then? Go back to being brothers, pretend it didn’t happen?!” I am out of breath and so fucking cold, but I barely even notice. “You really think if we were to cross that line, we would ever be able to go back to normal?”

“Why are you so damn sure that this will pass? What is it about me that makes you feel like it’s temporary?” His eyes are sad, pleading with me. “Besides,” he adds, snorting, “do you honestly think we can go back to being just brothers at this point? Think we can ever look at each other and not wonder how the other tastes or act like we don’t know how good it feels to fall asleep with one another?”

The knife in my heart twists, cutting deeper. I can’t fucking breathe; it feels like there is an impossible weight on my chest, suffocating me.

Every excuse and every logical thought are flooding my brain, and I’m trying so hard to hold on to reasoning, but I can’t physically do this anymore.

I can’t.

The pull between us is too strong.

I’m done trying to be the bigger person.

I’ve tried to pretend the feelings aren’t there. I’ve tried to ignore the longing stares from him, or the way my heart skips a beat every time he comes into the room. Tried to forget the way his breathing calms me while we’ve slept together, or the way his body feels against mine.

I’m done, so done, pretending I don’t ache for this as much as he does.

I don’t care how wrong it is, or about any of the reasons that this could blow up in our faces. All I know, at this moment, is I need Luca like I need my next breath.

Stepping closer to him, breathing heavily, yet feeling like I’m not breathing at all, my heart’s pounding painfully in my chest. He’s close, so fucking close, staring at me with heavy lids, blown pupils, his lips parted. I can’t feel the winter chill or the snow falling around us anymore, because all I can feel right here is him and this crippling desire to consume him wholly. Consequences be damned.

“Please,” he whispers, his warm breath fanning my lips.

Without any more hesitation, I close the distance between us and crash my lips against his. Time stops, the outside world completely disappears, the only thing existing is him and I—together. This is the moment that will likely change everything forever.

But I don’t fucking care anymore.

His lips are softer than anything I have ever known, perfect like untouched snowfall. His kiss tastes sweet like ice cream on a summer day and heals me like medicine after being sick. His kiss revives me, brings me back to life, and I never, ever want to be without it. Without him.

With his tongue caressing mine, with the gentlest of touches, his soft sighs singing in my ears, I know I will never be the same. Irrevocably. Nothing will ever feel as good as he feels on my lips, with his hard body pressed against mine.

My hands slide into his hair and grip, opening his mouth up wider to me. Devouring him like I’m famished, and fuck, I think I am. His hands slide around my hips, bringing me flush against him. I can’t help the moan that escapes me.

This is better than I could have imagined.

His rock-hard cock is rubbing against my equally hard length. It’s fucking divine. The friction feels amazing, but it’s not nearly enough.

I move my hand to cup him over his pants and he groans so beautifully. Breaking the kiss, I bring my lips down to his neck, kissing and sucking my way to his ear.

“Fuck, baby, look how fucking hard you are for me.”