Barred Desires (The Deepest Desires 1)

“Yeah.” He sniffles, running his hand through his hair. “I freaked out and couldn’t breathe. Her words took me right back to my time with him, and I couldn’t handle it. It’s like all the years and all the effort to move on from what happened to me was wrecked in that moment.”

“Is that when the nightmares started? Or have you had them all along?”

“The nightmares had almost fully stopped, until yes, that night. Before you, I’ve never told anybody what happened to me. I’ve tried my best to bury it all.”

That fucking bitch. Whether or not she knew about his past doesn’t fucking matter. You don’t ever touch someone without their consent. She said she loved him, but you don’t do that to anyone, especially the people you love. You just fucking don’t.

“And then the night you broke up with her… what happened?”

He hiccups and lets out another humorless laugh. “Basically, the same thing. I was actually in the middle of having a nightmare, and I was pulled out of it by her groping me. She had used her key, came in, and got into my bed. Decided to try to have sex with me and wake me up that way. I woke up and fucking panicked. It took me entirely too long to figure out I wasn’t back there. It was the last straw. Every reason I stayed with her and tried to make it work, she shattered by doing that.”

Lying us both down, I keep him in my arms, facing me. He keeps his face in the crook of my neck, but his breathing has calmed down a bit, so I don’t think he’s crying anymore.

My pulse is racing, and I can hear the blood whooshing in my ears. I’m furious for him. It all makes sense now, though. Why they stayed together as long as they did, even though I knew he wasn’t all in. He felt safe with her, and she fucking destroyed that. She triggered his trauma and threw him right back there again.

We lie in silence together for a while, with me rubbing his back, and him holding on to me tight. There are so many more questions that I need answered, but now is not the time. I need to hold him, comfort him, protect him.

Luca falls asleep quickly while I can do nothing but stare at the ceiling, wishing I could take all his pain away. Also wishing I could go all Dexter on that fucker. Chop him into dozens of pieces for ever laying a hand on Luca—or any child, for that matter.