Forsaken Desires (The Deepest Desires 2)

chapter thirty seven

Knox

Two Months Post Break-Up—June

“You better fucking call me and text me all the time, Knox.”

“Relax, Katie. We will talk over the summer, I promise.”

“Ugh, we better. I’m going to miss you.”

“When do you fly out?”

“Bright and early. You drive home in the morning too, right?”

Summer break started today. I finished my last class yesterday and have been packing all my shit today. Katie is flying home to Savannah while I’m driving home to Bellingham. As excited as I am to not have school for two and a half months, I’m not looking forward to seeing my dad.

“Yup, Branson and Luca left this morning, Weston is flying there tonight, and I’ll drive there first thing in the morning.”

“How are you feeling about it? You know, spending the summer at home?”

“Katie, I appreciate your concern, but I’ve had to live with my dad my whole life. It isn’t like it’s the first time I’ve had to deal with him. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, but I mean it,” she says, walking to the door. “I better hear from you every day.”

“Bye,” I chuckle. “Let me know when you land.”

Spending the rest of the evening packing, I finish in time to drive Weston to the airport around ten. Why he’s flying and not just driving with one of us is beyond me. Although, I’m dreading the long ass drive tomorrow, so maybe he’s onto something.

Once I get home, I shower quickly and climb into bed. The plan is to hit the road as soon as I wake up. I don’t know how long I lie there, but I finally fall asleep and thankfully don’t wake up until morning.

Waking up, I stretch and grab my phone. It’s almost seven, and the sun is pouring through the windows. Hopping out of bed, I brush my teeth, then get dressed. I’m going to need to stop and get a giant coffee on my way out of town. I’m fucking exhausted despite sleeping all night.

Climbing in the Rover, I send Katie a text reminding her to let me know once she lands, turn my Spotify on, then hit the road.

It’s a nice day and the drive over the mountains is easy. With it being a Saturday morning, I also hit no traffic and make good time. It’s a little after one by the time I arrive at home. Dad should be golfing with his work buddies, so hopefully I won’t have to see him at all today.

We still haven’t spoken since I was home for break. I spoke to my mom briefly at the beginning of the week, only to let her know my travel plans and when I’ll be here. My goal is to avoid them both as much as possible this summer and return to school without getting any bruises or broken bones.

Probably wishful thinking.

Walking in the front door, it’s quiet, but that’s not unusual. Setting my bags by the door, I head farther into the house. Passing the kitchen, I see no one in there but notice the door to my dad’s study is open slightly. Not really wanting to see him, but also knowing if I don’t say hi, he’ll take it as a sign of disrespect, I trudge over and push the door open.

I immediately fucking wish I hadn’t.

“What the fuck!”

Daddy Dearest is sitting back in his desk chair, with some fucking tiny blonde on her knees in front of him.

“Knox.” He startles, pushing blondie off his lap. “What are you doing here?”

“Fuck, put your dick away. Christ!” I shout, covering my eyes. “I fucking told Mom that I was coming today. Didn’t she tell you? Who the fuck is this? And where the fuck is Mom?”

Focusing his attention on the bitch adjusting her clothes, he has the nerve to look annoyed. “You should probably go. Sorry about my son.”

“Yeah, you probably should fucking go,” I spit out.

“Watch your fucking mouth, boy!”

Here we fucking go.

“Where’s Mom? Does she know you’re shoving your cock down some bitch’s throat that looks young enough to be your fucking daughter?”

“I said, watch your fucking mouth, Knox. What I do is none of your fucking business and your mother is probably off fucking her tennis coach.”

“Oh! So, that is my business, but not the bitch on her knees? Unbelievable. I’ll be in the guest house.” Not waiting for a response from him, I grab my stuff that I placed by the front door and head out back to my living quarters for the next two and a half months.

Throwing my shit on the bed, I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial Katie. She texted me earlier that she landed.

Ringing a few times, the line connects. “Hey, bud. Miss me already?” I can hear the smile in her voice.

“You’re never going to believe what I walked into at my house.”

“What?! Tell me!”

“So, I thought my dad would be out golfing and figured my mom would be home. I walk in and notice my dad’s study door is open.”

“Yeah? Ew, you aren’t about to tell me you caught your parents fucking, are you?”

“No. He was in there getting fucking head from some blonde bitch I’ve never seen before.”

“Shut the fuck up! Knox, oh my gosh, that’s so gross!”

“You’re fucking tell me, dude. Last thing I wanted to see today was my dad’s dick.”

“Ew, shut up. You’re going to make me barf,” she says, laughing uncontrollably. “So, where’s your mom?”

“Who knows. Don’t even want to think about it.”

“Are you going to tell her?”

“Fuck no. Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

“Did you just get there?”

“Yup. How’s it going with you?”

“Oh, it’s fine, I guess. My mom’s happy to see me and we’re going to see our family soon for dinner. It’s hot as balls, though.”

“I bet. It isn’t too hot here, not yet.”

“Well, hate to cut this gossip session short, but I have to get ready to head out. Text me later, though?”

“Sure, have a good night, Katie.”

“Love you, loser. Bye!”

Fuck, it’s going to be a long summer.

******

Aston

Summer break isn’t starting on a good note.

As soon as Anderson and I got home, my parents informed us that our Aunt Connie died and we needed to fly to Texas for her service. We weren’t particularly close with her, but it’s still sad.

We leave in the morning and plan to stay there for a couple of weeks, since it’s summer. We don’t get to see our family there all that often, due to everyone’s schedules and it being halfway across the country. We visit for Christmas most years and Anderson and I used to spend summers down there when we were kids, but we haven’t done that since middle school.

Since we just got here and haven’t had a chance to unpack, we’re already ready to go. Anderson just left to go hang out with Crew, and I’m waiting on Luca to pick me up so we can go to dinner.

Pulling out my phone, I open Instagram while I wait, realizing there’s a new notification. Hmm… interesting. Katie is following me now. That’s random; we’ve talked like three times. Following her back, I exit the app when a new text pops through.

Luca: I’m outside, man.

Me: Okay, be out in a minute.

Grabbing my cigarettes and wallet, I make my way down the stairs and out the front door. His massive Jeep Wrangler is pulled up right in front of the house, and he’s got LOCO by Machine Gun Kelly blaring so loud, I can hear the lyrics perfectly before I even get in.

“What’s up, my man,” he says after he turns down the stereo a little.

“How’s it going, bro? Thanks for picking me up”

“Sure thing. Where do you wanna go to eat?”

“Pizza’s fine. Where’s Branson?”

“Out with Weston and Knox. They’re going to watch some local band play.”

At the mention of Knox’s name, my breath hitches, and I stiffen slightly. As much as I’d love to pretend he’s never on my mind, that’d be a lie. It’s absurd how often my thoughts wander to him.

What’s he doing? Is he dating? Fucking anyone? Does he think of me too?

Nobody has ever gotten under my skin the way he has. He’s become a part of me, like DNA, and I can’t shake him or the feelings he brought out in me. It’s infuriating that he fucking hurt me, toyed with me, and I have the gall to miss him?

It’s maddening.

It’s honestly surprising that I’ve managed to completely avoid him for months. For as intertwined as our friend groups are, I haven’t found myself anywhere that he was. And for that, I’m thankful. Especially after that weird as fuck conversation I was roped into with Katie. Luckily, I haven’t heard from her either.

“Right on, sounds dope,” I finally say, shaking myself from the thoughts of him.

He remains quiet for a minute, eyeing me in between watching the road, but I can tell he wants to say something. Luca and I never used to tip-toe around one another, but somewhere between him and Branson getting together and the shitstorm that was Knox and I starting up, we stopped telling each other things.

After several minutes, he finally decides to speak up. “What’s the deal with you and Knox? What happened after that time you guys hooked up at the frat party?”

“Nothing happened.” My response is clipped, and I can’t look at him. Why am I fucking lying to him?

“Don’t bullshit me.” My eyes dart to him, surprised at the sternness in his voice. “I’m not an idiot. You guys hooked up, and I doubt it was the one and only time. And now, it’s like we’re back to square one, but without the anger. You’re both sulking and neither of you will talk about it. So what gives?”

Swallowing hard, my mouth is suddenly drier than the Sahara Desert, and the temperature in this car feels several degrees hotter. This is not a conversation I wanted to have today, or any day. It’s been months since Knox and I have even spoken, and I’m perfectly content with shoving that shit down and pretending it didn’t happen.

Clearly, Luca has other plans, because the tense silence and pointed look he’s giving me scream that he isn’t letting this go.

Letting out a heavy sigh and forcing myself to relax, I look over at him and finally speak. “We, uh…” My voice is quiet, almost a whisper. “You were right, okay? We were hooking up for a while. It continued after the party, but it’s over now.”

His gaze turns toward me, the confusion and hurt evident in his eyes. “Why wouldn’t you just tell me that? And why would you tell me part of the story if you couldn’t trust me with the rest of it?”

“I don’t know, man. It’s confusing. My feelings for him are confusing as fuck. We couldn’t stand each other for years, and suddenly we were ripping each other’s clothes off instead of being at each other’s throats, fighting. I guess I didn’t tell you because I didn’t fully understand it myself.”

He doesn’t say anything after that and neither do I. We get to the restaurant and head inside, a thick, tense air surrounding us now. I hate it. I feel like shit.

With it being Saturday, the place is buzzing with families and kids who are home for the summer. Getting a table is probably going to be a bitch.

“Hey,” the friendly hostess greets with a smile. “For two?”

“Hi, yes.”

“Can I get a name for the table?”

“Luca is fine.”

“Okay, the wait will be about twenty minutes, give or take. Take this.” She hands us one of those puck things that vibrate when it’s our turn. “We’ll let you know when your table is ready.”

“Thanks so much.” Luca grabs the puck, and we head out the doors to the outdoor waiting area, taking a seat.

“Okay, back to you and Knox—why did you guys hate each other so much? I’ve never understood this, and nothing stands out as to what would’ve caused such a rift.

“Uh, okay. There was a party at Crew’s the summer before sophomore year that we all went to. A lot of us—not sure if you were too—were rolling. Anyway, Knox and I wound up outside together, smoking. One thing led to another—probably because of the fucking drugs—and we kissed. He freaked the fuck out, in true Knox fashion, punched me in the face, and hated me ever since.”

“Damn, dude. I don’t know what I was expecting, but that was not it.”

“Yup, a stupid fucking kiss that happened years ago is the root of all the issues.”

“But how did that turn into hooking up? Like I know what happened at the party with Tony Troy, but after that… how?”

“We had a class together last semester and, by some fucked up luck, we ended up having to sit next to each other and be project partners. It just happened, honestly. What started out as me enjoying fucking with him to piss him off, turned into hate sex, which then morphed into… something else. At least for me.”

“So, what happened?”

“It just ran its course. Fizzled out. It was never meant to be anything more than what it was, and even then, it shouldn’t have escalated as far as it did. End of story.”

“Fuck, Aston. I wish you would’ve told me sooner.”

“I know, man. But hey, can you please not mention this to anyone? I’m sure you’ll probably tell Bran, but if you guys could just keep it between you two?”

“Absolutely, dude. Lips are sealed.” He mimics locking his lips with his fingers, and I laugh at the ridiculousness of it.

Our puck buzzes and we’re taken back to our table. For as nervous as I was about telling Luca, I feel lighter. Sure, Anderson knew, but I made it a point to not over-share with him because, at the time, it hurt too much. I can’t bottle this shit up forever, though, and getting it off my chest helps.