So, I shut her down. Or at least that is what I thought I was doing.
Obviously, I had no moral compass. Instead of opening my mouth, I should have left well enough alone. I should have known Mercedes was a conniving bitch. But I was too wrapped up in myself. Worried some girl would try to ruin what was already toeing the line.
Leaning forward, I rest my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands. “Jesus,” I mumble into my palms. “What was I thinking?”
Shelly rubs a hand up and down my back. The motion meant to soothe me. But hatred runs rampant inside me like a viral contagion. “Think of this as a second chance. A way to right your wrong.”
“No wonder she hates me. I was so self-absorbed, I gave no fucks about her feelings. Or how my words messed up her life.”
“Yes, you screwed up big time.” I peek up at my sister and she shrugs. “If Mom and Dad knew, they’d be pissed. All those years of teaching us to put other’s thoughts and feelings before our own.”
I comb my fingers through my hair and sit up, eyes on Shelly. Her eyes, just as blue and sparkly as mine, stare back at me with deep sympathy.
“How do I fix this, Shell?”
She takes my hands in hers and holds my gaze. “First, you apologize. Apologize like you never have before. And mean it.” I nod and she continues. “Second, you beg for her forgiveness. Grovel if necessary. After what you did to her. After how she was treated during those pivotal years, she may not forgive you. That’s her call. You can’t just ask for forgiveness, either. Show her you want it.”
“How do I do that?”
“Be the man I know you to be. The man Mom and Dad raised. Simple gestures and kind words. They go much further than most expect.”
I take mental notes of the sound advice only a sister can provide. “I will.”
“And lastly, don’t do anything to hurt her. Ever again.” I nod and she pokes my chest with a finger. “I mean it, Micah. You already hurt her once. Who knows what would happen if you did again.”
When I don’t respond, Shelly turns toward Cora and chats about the next bowling or karaoke night. Everyone around me carries on various conversations. Me? I stay in my own head and sort through the onslaught of memories and advice.
Little by little, I devise how I will fix this. Fix what I broke all those years ago. Fix the hatred Peyton harbors.
Because I like her too much to let her hate me any longer.