Chapter FIFTEEN ~ Heartbreaking Reality
I’ve hardly seen Grantexcept on set. I’m left with nothing but photographing them. Watching them caressing and holding hands all for the camera. Their closeness is all but a slap in the face directly at me. Yes, I know it’s my job, but I couldn’t help feeling cheated. Cheated out of a chance to see where our budding relationship could’ve gone. Cheated out of an explanation from him of what the hell was going on, and I deserved that. I packed up my belongings like I would every day after a job well-done. Merlin stood back and gazed upon Flow as she hung over Grant’s every word. There’s been rumors flying around that Merlin’s trying his best to push the relationship in the right direction and in my eyes, he’s succeeding. I don’t want to believe it’s true or even think about it, but Grant’s been very distant since Flow’s arrival.
I’m heading for the door when I feel that warm tingle surrounding my body and it stops me in my tracks. I don’t move because I’m frozen in place and my legs just wouldn’t work. Feeling a warm touch caressing my shoulder, closing my eyes to the touch and my breath catching. Drinking in the feeling his touch leaves on my skin. This touch I’ve craved so much, and I know it’s Grant.
“Come with me, beauty, because we should talk.” Grant whispered in my ear and chills ran down my spine.
My body obeyed as it finally moved and followed him out the door. He directed me towards an empty office and I walked inside. Closing the door behind me and locking it. Feeling he wants privacy, but I want answers. He didn’t touch me, but stalked towards me. Causing me to back up against the wall and his lips capturing mine with a greedy kiss. His hands caressing my body and his lips devouring mine. His tongue dived in, I opened wider for him and my hands flew up into his hair. Grabbing on tightly to his silky locks and biting down on his tongue.
“Ouch!” Grant glared at me, grabbed his mouth and looked at me with confusion. “What the hell was that for?”
“That’s for not talking to me!” I snapped as I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him backwards. He backed off, and I created some much-needed space. “And that’s for putting your hands all over her!”
I walked over to the window and felt Grant behind me. Feeling he wants to touch me, but unsure if he should. I spun around at him and glared. “And don’t you think about touching me right now until you tell me what the hell is going on? I think I deserve at least that.”
He retreated and placed both his hands up in the air. “Okay, you’re right and you deserve an explanation, but I need you to calm down.”
“Calm down? Calm down! I would’ve been much calmer if you would’ve talked to me sooner than this.” I glared and his face fell with defeat.
“I’m sorry, but I thought you would understand. I thought...” Grant’s voice trailed off as his hands ran through his hair and he sighed with frustration.
“Well, you thought wrong, Grant.” I snapped and frowned at him. “You can’t just have your way with me and toss me aside because that’s not how it works. That’s not what I...”
Suddenly, Grant’s lips were on mine and I couldn’t deny him. The taste of him, the sweetness of his kiss and his masculine scent consumed me. He had a way of taking over my body like no one else. My body’s leaning into him and it’s responding openly. He slowly breaks the kiss and our lips are inches apart. His warm breath caressed my skin and whispered to me. “You’re right, I can’t just toss you away and that’s not how it works. You mean so much more to me than that and I should’ve come to you sooner. I should’ve shown you sooner that I only have eyes for you, beauty.”
“Oh, ya, and what about Flow? You seem to have your eyes and hands all over her.” I responded angrily and my index finger jabbed him in the chest.
“That’s what I meant by I thought you would understand. I thought you would know that Flow means nothing to me. Merlin’s been pushing me towards her, but it’s not like that. I can’t when I...” Grant said, but his voice fell silent.
Narrowing my eyebrows at him in question, but I’m too upset with him to deal with all this right now. I’m feeling anxious and like the room would swallow me whole. Needing to get out of here and away from him so I could think properly. I needed to make my decision on this matter without him near because I couldn’t think right with him around. His scent, presence, body and eyes constantly distracted me.
“I’m sorry, Grant, but I have to go. Please, don’t follow me because I need space.” I glared as I pushed my way past him and didn’t look at him. I couldn’t take his pleading eyes begging me to stay, and I’m afraid my body would give in. Walking as fast as my legs would take me, exiting the building and not turning back.
***
I TOOK A DAY OFF TOgather my thoughts and sink into my own self-pity. I couldn’t stand going into work just to see them together again. Grant had told me it meant nothing, but it meant something to me. It meant something to me because I couldn’t help but love Grant Bennett with all my heart. My heart’s captivated by him, my body craved him and my mind wouldn’t stop thinking about him. My whole being consumed by that gorgeous and creative man that I loved from the very first sight. I sat on my couch with a tub of fresh chocolate swirl ice cream and a big scoop. Stuffing away myself pity and watching a romantic chick flick. The one with a happily ever after that I’ll cry over and wish I could have. Knowing full well I couldn’t because my heart chose a famous man that never belonged to me. I could have him, but only in secret. Our affair remains just that, a hidden secret.
Could I live with that?
I could try, but not with Flow hanging off his arm or the next famous chick in line. I’d be lingering on the sidelines and waiting for my chance to be his. When in fact I could never be, and that truth hurt. It hurt even more than having to watch Flow trying to grab his attention. Just to hold up appearances for the media, but what if it wasn’t just an appearance?
What happened if the famous Mr. Grant Bennett actually could have feelings for the famous supermodel?
I felt tears sting my eyes and I’m lost in my thoughts. Wanting to push them away, but they linger freshly in my mind. Feeling the tears fall and watching the husband kiss his new wife. They smile at one another happily, face their family and sob as I watch the movie come to a happy ending. One that I knew I wanted for myself, but Grant couldn’t give me. He couldn’t give me a family, a marriage, a beautiful home together or children. That’s all what I wanted and so much more, but the man that I love with all my heart could never give this to me. That’s why I must decide, and that’s why I must choose what I should do. What my next step would be for my life’s path. I always wanted this path, but not like this. Never like this.
Should I stay and live tormented by what I couldn’t have?
Should I try to live the life I wanted, even though it would break my heart in two?
Knowing deep down what I must do, but it’s killing me inside. Tearing me apart piece by piece and shattering my heart into pieces. Ripping it out and stomping on it. The heartache needed to begin and I must go on. I needed to push forward towards what I wanted, even if it’s without him. I needed to do it, and it needed to happen now.