Chapter FIFTEEN ~ She’s Gone
I’m standing in a fieldof flowers with the wind blowing my hair. Gazing around as white floaters carrying dandelion seeds blow with the breeze and fly through the air. Watching as the sunlight caresses the clear water, and it runs down the stream. Birds flying high through the sky with butterflies taking flight around me. The sight was beautiful and relaxing. Feeling at peace, but pondering why I’m here.
“Isn’t it beautiful here?” Annie asked from behind me as I spun around and faced my mother.
“Yes, mom, it is.” I responded as I smiled and her eyes sparkled in the sunlight. “But where are we?”
“It’s so warm and peaceful here.” Annie said as she took my hand in hers and peered out towards the water. “I wish you could stay with me, but they need you.”
“Mom, what are you talking about?” I asked with concern and couldn’t grasp her words. “What’s going on?”
“You know I love you so much and always will.” Annie breathed as her warm eyes shone into mine, she squeezed my hand and held it over my heart. “Whenever you need me, I will always be right here.”
“Mom, what’s happening?” I asked as my eyes grew wide and her face lit up, the light behind her blinding and it’s hard to make out her face. “It’s so bright and I don’t understand what’s going on?”
“You will soon, sweetheart, but don’t be scared...” Annie announced as her voice grew louder and she caressed my cheek. “I will always be with you.”
The light was blinding and I couldn’t see her any longer, but just felt her touch. It made me calm and warmth spread throughout my body. She caressed my cheeks, lips, hair and ran her fingers over my closed eyelids. Tears fell from my eyes, but she wiped them away.
“Mom, I love you.” I exhaled and just like that, everything went black.
***
“MOM!” I CRIED OUT ASI shot up in bed, my eyes opened wide and my breath elevated.
Peering around in my bedroom as sweat pools upon my chest and I calm myself. It was only a dream and I’m home in my bed on a Monday morning. Gazing over at my bedside clock to read the time and hitting the off button for my alarm. Realizing I only had so much time left to sleep before Grace came and I have to leave for work. Grumbling to myself as I push out of bed and get ready for the day. Peeling my nightgown from my sweaty body, grabbing my outfit for the busy day and walking naked towards the bathroom. A shower would do me good, washing away the night’s sleep and waking me up. Turning on the water and feeling it trickle down my flesh. Feeling the heat rise from it and I step inside. Letting the water beads soak my body as I lather the soap between my hands and wash myself. My hands caressing every inch as I fall into the relaxation of it all and it cleanses away the filth. Shampooing my hair as the fruity aroma fills my senses and I smile. Stepping under the water once more with everything falling down the drain to start a new day. I grabbed my towel and patted my body dry. Deciding to let my hair dry on its own and brushing my teeth quickly. Applying my makeup just right and brushing my hair. Smiling at my reflection in the mirror and heading out towards my mother’s room to check on her like I do every morning.
The weekend was amazing for her, and she was feeling better than she has in a while. We spent so much time together, smiling, laughing and making memories. Life felt like it once was and back to normal. The way it once had before her cancer, medical bills, hospital visits and sleepless nights. Life was brighter, and it makes me hopeful for the coming days.
I smiled as I saw her door and knew she’d be sound asleep, but wanted to check on her. Grabbing her doorknob, pushing and peeking through the door. It remained dark and I slowly crept into her room. I ran my hand against her bed sheet, trying to feel her body. My eyes slightly adjusted to the darkness and her face came into view, but her eyes were open. My smile turned into a frown and my heart hammered in my chest. Realizing something is wrong as I reach out and touch her cool body. My eyes grew wide with panic as I fumbled in the darkness for her light switch and stumbled over the dresser leg. Falling to the ground with my breathing erratic, knowing I need the light to see, even though my heart knows it’s true. Crawling the rest of the way towards the wall with the light switch and flicking it on. Spinning around as my hair flies and my eyes meet my mother’s. Her cold and lifeless body.
“M-mommy?” I whispered as my voice cracked and sounded unrecognizable.
Holding my hand over my mouth left in shock as I slowly walk towards her and reach out to touch her face. My body felt numb and I couldn’t feel her skin, but I could see her eyes. Her beautiful eyes, once full of life, were now dark and lifeless as they stared up at the ceiling.
“Mom!” I shouted at her and shook her body, only to hear the bed shake in response.
Falling backwards as my hands tremble and fall upon my head. Hitting the wall behind me as my body falls to the floor and grief consumes me. I wanted to cry, but I’m left with shock. No tears shed from me as I’m left numb with pain so great, unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. I wanted to scream, cry, and kick, but all I could do was stare. Looking at my mother, who was once so full of life and is now dead.
Suddenly, I hear the frantic knocking coming from the front door as the sound fills my ears and I find the strength to rise. Tearing my eyes away from my mother’s limp body and walking towards the front door. Moving as fast as I could and opening the door wide to stare at Grace. Her smile faded as soon as she saw my face and knew something was very wrong.
“Where is she, Gemma?” Grace asked as she reached out to touch me, but I couldn’t feel a thing.
“S-she’s in h-her bedroom...” I stammered as my lips trembled and my body shook.
“Okay, why don’t you sit down.” Grace said as she guided me towards a seat, sat me down and knelt in front of me. “I’m going to go check on her and I’ll be right back.”
Grace left me alone with thoughts, and they spun wildly around in my mind. The room spun and my vision grew blurry. I fell into a foggy haze as I held my hand to my head and stopped it. Taking deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth. Trying to calm my rushing heart and pounding head. Feeling like I’m a ticking time bomb about to explode.
“Gemma?” Grace announced, and she entered the room. “Gemma, I’m so sorry, but your mom has passed.”
I peered up at her from across the room as she wandered towards me, and my eyes grew blurry. Shaking my head and swallowing hard as I clear my throat. “T-thank you, Grace...”
Grace spoke, but I couldn’t hear her. Her voice faded away as I rose to my feet and wandered to my cell phone, still charging in the kitchen from the night before. Dialing Lawson’s Legal and holding the phone to my ear.
“Hello, Lawson’s Legal, how may I help you?” Mindy chimed through the phone line.
“Mindy, it’s Gemma. I won’t be coming into work today because my mother passed away.” I said with a firm tone, but my body trembled. “I need time to process everything, get her body picked up, make arrangements and phone calls.”
“Oh my gosh, Gemma, I’m so sorry, if there’s anything...” Mindy breathed with the sound of grief in her voice that I wished I could feel, but all I felt was numbness.
“I know, Mindy, and thank you, but I should go.” I interrupted as my lips trembled and my heart raced.
“Okay, Gemma, I will let Drake know and please call me if there’s anything you need.” Mindy said, and I stared straight ahead.
“T-thank you and I-I will.” I stammered as my world shook and vibration took over.
I couldn’t bear to speak goodbye and hung up the phone. Shutters took over me as I grew cold and the air chilly. Grabbing the nearest blanket from the couch and wrapping it tightly around my body. Looking up to see Grace look towards me as she talks on the phone, but I couldn’t hear her. My ears are ringing as my eyes grow blurry once again and my head feels heavy. Letting it fall back against the cushions and closing my eyes. I knew I needed to make those dreaded phone calls, but it had to be done. Keeping the surrounding blanket, I rose and did what had to be done.
Time passed with multiple people entering my home and I watched everything unfold. People spoke to me and I responded, but couldn’t remember what I said. Watching them take her body away inside of a black bag and wishing for this ending to be different. For my mom to be in my arms, holding her warm body, kissing her sweet forehead and stroking her smooth hair. Longing to hear her voice as her beautiful smile spreads across her face and her words fill my soul. Instead, I’m left with nothing but a cold and empty house. My mother's gone and everyone left with her. Leaving me to grieve even though I want nothing more than that one person I couldn’t have.
My mother.
Suddenly, a light knock fell upon the front door and I frowned, pondering who it could be. The day had passed quickly, with the evening falling upon me faster than I’d expected. Multiple phone calls and talking to people taking up most of the day. A day that I should’ve spent at work caring for Hope while my mother was alive at home being cared for.
“Who is it?” I asked as I reached for the doorknob and turned, pulling it open.
“It’s me...” Drake announced as the air swooped inside and his handsome face appeared. “I heard what happened and knew I needed to see how you were.”
I stared back at him, bewildered, and couldn’t believe he was here. Standing at my doorstep and looking just as good as ever. Wanting to feel my heart beat wildly at the sight of him, but knowing it’s overshadowed with grief.
My mother’s gone, and she’s not coming back.
I wanted to feel anything other than this and I couldn’t take it anymore. Grabbing onto Drake’s shirt collar and losing all control of my emotions. Crying out as I fall to the floor and he falls right along with me. Holding me in his embrace and cradling my body close as grief takes over. All the sadness, anger and loss I’d been feeling all day crashing into me all at once.
“My mom’s gone, Drake...” I sobbed as my body trembled and he stroked my hair. “She’s never coming back.”
“Sh, baby, I’ve got you and I’m not going anywhere.” Drake breathed as he held me and I wept.
Crying for everything that I’ve struggled with since this all began and everything I’ve now lost. My beautiful mom was just here last night smiling beside me, her eyes shining and watching her every move. The way she drank from her iced water, ran her hand through her hair and laughed with me. The grief of it all took over me to the point I felt I couldn’t breathe. Breathing fast as I cry and everything shakes.
“I can’t do this, please Drake...” I pleaded with him and peered up into his gorgeous hazel hues. “Please take away my pain.”
Tears streamed down my cheeks, blotchy red patches spread across my face, and my red veiny eyes peer into his. But he didn’t care. His hand left my hair and cupped the sides of my face as I leaned into his touch. Feeling his warmth instead of the numbness I’ve suffered and his lips inch closer towards mine. His eyes locked on them as his thumb caressed me and I closed my eyes. His lips tenderly locked with mine as I lost all sense of my sadness and fell into his kiss.