Mister Dixon (Mister 3)

Chapter FOURTEEN ~ Poisonous Memories

The clouds closed inoverhead, and the day looked gloomy. No sunlight in sight and waiting for the ugly appearance of rain, but no drops fall. The ground is still dry, but the air is chilly.

I sat on the picnic table behind the flower shop for my break, watching the clouds from above. There’s not much scenery from back here, but the view of the sky is always nice. Taking it all in, whether it looks like this or a beautiful sunny day.

“Is this seat taken?” Dante asked from behind me and pointed at the empty spot in front of me.

All I could manage was a smile and gestured for him to help himself. I’m exhausted after being in bed for weeks on end, not doing anything. Being back at work has been nice, but it’s a change. My body needs time to adapt and get back on track. I used to do this job seven days a week and now I don’t know how I did it. It must have been my drive to succeed and never go back to the way my life used to be.

My gaze caught sight of birds fighting nearby. Foods scattered on the ground from a passerby and left just for them. They pecked their beaks at one another and ruffled each other’s feathers. Taking flight, only to swoop back down and try for the next bite. Feathers fall from the flocking fiery of trying to be the one to get the bread crumbs. Collecting on the ground as birds peck and tweet at each other. Staking their claim and trying to show the food was theirs. The kind gesture has turned into a fight among the fittest.

I narrowed my eyes at the sight and sighed. “Life’s full of unexplained events.”

Dante frowned and tilted his head to the side. “I’m not quite following.”

I saw the confusion on his face as he tried to piece together my words, but came up empty-handed. I pointed towards the birds and nodded in that direction. “Just look at the birds fighting over the food. Someone left it for them to eat and probably didn’t even think about them fighting over it. They just wanted to help feed them, but instead it created chaos.”

Dante turned his attention towards the angry birds, and his face softened. “I can see where you’re coming from, but what’s the actual story behind this? It can’t be just about those damn birds?”

I blinked my eyes and gave a slight smile. “Ya, you’re right. It’s not just about the birds, and more about the way my life started. You would think a baby would be the most precious gift a woman could receive. But in fact, for some, it’s the complete opposite.”

I have no idea what I’m doing or why the conversation has ended up here. But it has, and it’s too late. I’ve officially opened up the biggest can of worms into my personal life that not everyone knows about. There’s no going back now, and the truth is all that needs to be told. My past is just that, but it haunts me even to this day. I’ve always been trying to run away, but somehow, she keeps creeping back up inside. The one person I want to stay away from, but it’s so difficult. Everything is still so fresh even though it happened years ago.

“You can trust me, Cassie.” Dante breathed as his eyebrows knitted together with concern, and he looked at me.

His eyes shine deeply into me, telling me I could trust him with this. A truth I like to keep hidden deep down inside of me. But with everything falling apart around me recently, it somehow brings its way to the surface. Breaking free and filling my mind with thoughts of my drug addict mother. The memories eat away at me and make me remember the times I’d rather forget.

But life’s not that easy.

***

THE SKY WAS BLUE ANDbright, but inside it was dark. Pitch black and lonely. The only person I have is my mother, but she has her drugs and men. One of those men over the years had been my father, but she couldn’t remember which one. The drugs had taken care of that and given her a daughter. One she would raise all on her own, but did a very shitty job at it. She always claims she was doing the best she could or that I’m just an ungrateful brat. But attending school had made me see that just wasn’t true.

Every holiday always sucked because my mom was high on drugs. Birthdays were the worst. She hated them.

I’m only sixteen years old, but I sure knew how to make a cake. Celebrating my birthday by myself was never fun, but it was all I had. Lexi would sometimes sneak over, but mother doesn’t like her very much. So, we always have to be careful.

“Home sweet home...” I grumbled as I kicked the dirt and frowned at the run-down house my mom owned.

The white house with the worst shingles on the entire street. Grass that is never cut and long with weeds. The broken fence falling over in the backyard and the broken window still out front. I remembered that time an angry customer threw a rock right through it. I can never understand how my mother gets away with owning the ugliest house on the street and raising me. But she has and I’m too afraid to go up against her. Knowing the abuse, she could lay upon me at any second if she wants to. The beatings and black eyes. One second hitting me and then claiming to be sorry. How she loved me so damn much and didn’t know why she did it. But deep down I knew she never wanted me and I’m just a burden she has to live with.

I opened the squeaky front door and laid my backpack on the floor. Pairs of shoes I didn’t recognize lay on the dirty rug with my mother’s fancy heels. She never bought them, but a lover gifted them to her. One she did sexual favors for in order to get her next high. But I haven’t seen him around in a while. She either kicked him to the curb. He’s in jail or dead.

Take your pick.

I kicked my shoes off with the rest of them and heard a commotion coming from the living room. I wanted to avoid that situation and carefully crept into my bedroom. Just wanting to escape and avoid a random beating, argument or her guests.

Music blared as I went by and vibrated against the wall. Making it tremble as I slowly make my way down the hallway and to the safety of my room. I exhaled as I closed the door shut and laid back against it. Looking around my bedroom with not much inside. I had a bed, dresser and television.

That’s all mine.

Along with clothes, but never the ones I wanted. A lot were hand-me-downs from my mom because we’re pretty close in size now that I’ve developed. I gazed down at my skinny body that’s covered by baggy clothing. Never dressing like all the other pretty girls and never fitting in. But Lexi didn’t care.

She’s my best friend and has always been there for me, no matter what. She’s the only one who knows how bad it is here and someday wants to get me out of here.

And I hoped she could.

I took off the big sweater that covered my upper body and got comfortable in a shirt. Not the greatest looking, but it would do for bed. I’m just going to sleep, anyway.

I peeled back the sheets and laid down on top of the hard mattress. Trying to get comfortable, but it’s difficult every time. The bed is firm and certain spots dig into my backside, creating a restless sleep. That’s not something I want tonight because tomorrow is exams and I want to do my best. I want to graduate and get the hell out of this nightmare that I live in. A repetitive cycle that doesn’t feel like it should be my life, but I live it day in and day out.

Suddenly, I hear my door open, and my back is pointing towards the bedroom door. I lay still and hold my breath. Praying that whoever it is will just leave me alone. Fighting the urge to turn around and scream. But I knew it wasn’t my mother because I could smell him as he inched closer. I could smell his dirty masculine scent mixed with alcohol. I knew if I screamed, my mother would find out and that would be the end of me. I’d be in for another beating and it would be all my fault.

So, I remained still as I felt his hand run over my body and creep up my thigh. Hitting my waist and traveling higher towards my breasts. Groping the one closest to him as his gross breath touches my face, and I want to gag. I knew what he was doing wasn’t right and I should fight back, but the beating would be worse. She would punish me and I’d be to blame. My developing body would be the problem and take away from her paying customers.

His other hand lingered upon my face and his fingers smelled of weed as he ran them over my lips. They trembled, and he stuck his dirty finger in my mouth. But that’s when I had enough.

I clenched my teeth together and bit down hard. “Ah, fuck! What the hell? You fucking bit me!”

Suddenly, my bedroom door hit the wall, and I shot out of bed. My mother stumbled into the room. High and drunk as could be. “What the hell is going on here?”

Her stoned blue eyes stared at her lover and back towards me. Her red hair is frizzy and out of place. With her clothing barely hanging onto her thin shoulder blades as it droops down. Her cleavage was very noticeable and an accent I’m sure she thought attracted many men.

But it made me want to throw up.

“I-I...” I trembled as I tried to get the words out, but they failed me.

Too scared to think because I knew what was coming. I could almost feel the smack of the back of her hand as it struck my face. Stinging the skin there and leaving a welt. Swelling as the pain radiates there and trying to figure out how to hide it. How to cover it up and stay away from the next brutal blow. But it never comes, and she glares towards the man that entered my bedroom unwelcome.

“Why the fuck are you in my daughter’s bedroom?” Felicia asked as her voice shook with anger, she pressed her finger into his chest and pushed him out of the bedroom.

“I thought this was your bedroom, baby, but it was so dark.” The man mumbled a stupid excuse.

My mother turned her attention towards me, and I trembled with fright. Fear of what would happen if she left me here with this man and what she could do to me if she believed him. Her eyes roamed over mine and I’m sure it’s all over for me. She would see it as betrayal and me trying to steal her latest business away from her.

I braced myself for impact and closed my eyes. I knew what was about to happen and I’m cornered with nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide and time wasn’t on my side.

But then a loud smack filled the air, and I opened my eyes.

She had slapped her lover across the face and her eyes glared at him. “Get the fuck out of here and never come back!”

She continued to swat her hands at him, and he backed away. Punching at his chest and her fists beat off of him. He flees before things could get any worse and yells at her. “You’re a crazy bitch!”

I stared after them, and my entire body vibrated. Collapsing on top of my bed once again and curling up in the corner. Unable to believe that just happened and picturing it much different in my mind.

I’m still waiting for that brutal blow and know it’s coming. She won’t like this and I’d have to suffer the consequences because some assholes stupidity. I’m creating chaos in her life and ruining it like I always did.

I heard her footsteps first as she entered my bedroom, and then I could see her look down at me. Her face was unreadable, and I waited for the blow. She liked to slap, but I wondered if it would be a punch to the gut this time or a cut to my lip. But she did something she never does and sat down on the edge of my bed.

“Are you okay?” Felicia asked with genuine concern in her voice.

I’m left bewildered and can’t answer because I’m unsure how to react. My mother does one thing she never does and pulls me in close. Wrapping her arms around me and I don’t know how to respond. So, I just lay there as still as could be while she just holds me. Cradling me in her embrace, I rarely ever feel my mother give me and I barely receive. But it was different this time and I will never forget it.