Homeless Heart

Chapter 14

Lizzie

Rushing into the café the next day, I was utterly deflated when I didn't see Phin sitting in his spot. I shouldn't have been surprised he said he might not be there. Like any other day, I got my espresso and quickly left feeling somewhat crestfallen. Now sitting at my desk thinking about Phin, I waited for the caffeine to jump-start my down attitude.

I'm not sure why I liked this guy so much, there was just something about him I couldn't put my finger on. Maybe Hope was right; perhaps he was only one of my strays or I was looking for a guy friend? No, I didn't want to be friends with this guy. I don't want to see my guy friends naked while I lick Nutella off their happy trail. Hairs and all!

For the few men I'd dated since Greg, it was my fault it hadn't worked out because my heart just wasn't in it. I was about working day and night at my job. Paying attention to a man would have given them too much power over me, and I wasn't about to let that happen after Greg and the miscarriage.

Now, at thirty-one, I was thinking it just wouldn't happen, so I'd stopped looking for my soul mate, and accepted the fact that maybe I would be alone. A lot of cats may be in my future. Unfortunately for me, I don't like cats. Dogs were the answer! Of course, I had my parents and friends, but maybe that was the problem. My life was a little too simple and easy for me to put myself out there. My parents were the role model for a happy marriage. They loved each other, they fought, but only about important things, and after thirty-five years of marriage, they were still stupidly in love. They ruined me for finding the perfect relationship because that kind of perfection never happened except in films or books. I couldn't believe I was blaming my parents for my lack of happiness due to their contentment. They just made it look so damn easy and finding love in today's world wasn't easy.

Like most women, I was a serial monogamist; if I wasn't in a long-term relationship, then I wasn't interested. If most women were honest, none of them liked casual relationships. I know if they ever dig deep into our DNA, they'll find that gene in there, the "monogamy gene." Mark my words, the Monogamy Helix will be a Nobel Prize-winning discovery. I bet a woman finds it because, you know, men can't find anything.

I decided I needed that indefinable chemistry, or I'd rather be on my own until I took my last breath. My friends were meeting guys on Tinder, and the thought of swiping my soul mate right made me throw up in my mouth. They told me I was picky and that I should casually date and give a guy a chance, saying things like, "You'll grow to like them." One of my favorite ones is, "It will come when you aren't looking." With my luck, my soul mate would accidentally trip me into a moving bus. I always nodded my head and tried immediately to change the subject to the social downfall due to the Kardashians or how the Real Housewives aren't real or housewives.

My work and life were way too busy, and I knew that there were people out there that needed my help more than some pointless date. My granny always said, "If it was meant to be, then it was meant to be." I always hated that expression, but I loved my granny too much to tell her to fuck off.

After college, I dated a few different men who I'd met at various charity events. Usually, wealthy guys at these events were entitled douchebags. I’d met Greg at one of the charity events I had organized. We had that spark, and he was the full package. Stupidly, I thought he was the one, and then he broke my heart. The thought of the loss of our baby was still something that caused a sharp pain in my chest. Most days, I did my best not to think about it.

As if by magic, Hope popped her head in my office. "You okay?"

I gave her a weak smile. "Yes, I think I need some afternoon coffee and a muffin."

Her smile was infectious. "I knew it! I'll go grab us a snack and then you can tell me what's bothering you and talk about the hot guy at the café."

"Okay, and how about we do some work when you get back since we have an event in a couple of days?" She smiled and left to get our snacks, leaving me with my thoughts. Hope had distracted me enough to shift my thoughts to Phin. I now imagined him in a tuxedo at the charity event, his hair slicked back and that one dimple showing. Slowly undressing him, revealing a toned stomach and his happy trail, created a damp patch in my lace panties.

The sound of a paper bag falling on my desk brought me out of my reverie. Hope stood on the other side with a smirk stretched across her face and a tray of coffee in her hands.

"Yum, Nutella," I whispered to myself.

"Sorry, they were out of Nutella muffins, it's banana. Now, do you want to tell me more about this guy at the café?"

"No, I don't. Hope, we've got work to do."

"Yes, we do, but we can multi-task!"

Rolling my eyes, I couldn't help but love her for caring about my love life. We still had loads of work to do, and the Phin project would have to wait.

"I promise to tell you more, but we have to get through this catering order then we'll discuss him. You know he's going to be at the event on Saturday so you will get to meet him."

Her eyes sprang wide open, and she clapped her hands. "Oh, boy, I can't wait; you are so getting laid." God, I hoped she was right.

"First things first, muffin?" The word muffin made me think of Phin, and the blush resurfaced across my face. Hope didn't comment, she just smiled and stuck half a muffin in her mouth. The smirk on her face wasn't any reassurance that the discussion of me getting laid was over. I put a large piece of the muffin in my mouth to avoid talking about Phin any longer.

I considered checking Phin out online; I dismissed the idea because I didn't want to be that girl. I sure as hell didn't want him checking out my Facebook page. Plus, I always thought that looking someone up online spoils the fun of getting to know them in person. Call me old-fashioned that way. I hoped we'd find time to talk more on Saturday after the event. I'd need to be patient, so I didn't spook him away. He was a mystery that I wanted to solve.

Sitting at my desk late in the day, I decided to make the weekly call to my parents.

"Hi, honey, how are you? You are working too hard, aren't you?" This time of year, we never talked about anything too important, but it was always lovely to hear their voices and connect. My mom liked to save life-changing conversations for face-to-face visits.

"Yes, Mom, like every year, but it's for such a good cause."

"Lizzie, I know, and Rainey would love that you are doing this for her. I know she wouldn't want you to kill yourself for her either."

"I know." My friend Rainey might have been my first stray.

"Lizzie, we did our best to find her. I believe in my heart that she's living somewhere in the world, making it a better place." My mom was always glass half-full, and that's why I loved her.

These thoughts of Rainey brought me back to Phin. There was something about Phin that seemed a bit lost despite his confident exterior. He and Rainey had a similar sadness in their eyes. I knew there was more to him than what he looked like with his shirt off. Did Phin need saving?

Wanting to change the subject. "How's Dad?"

"Fine, dear, you know your father is out in the garage trying to fix that doohickey that's been broken for ages. You know what he's like with those things." My mother had a habit of a woman her age of calling things "doohickey" and "thing-a-ma-bob." Whenever I found myself lost for a word, I did the same thing now. Picking up my mother’s traits made me smile, knowing that I was a product of my loving parents.

"You know, Mom, it keeps him out of your hair when he's out there."

She laughed. "True. You all right, honey? Anything wrong?"

I took a deep breath; I hated that my mom always knew me too well. "Mom, how do you and Daddy stay happy and not get tired of each other?"

Her mother took a long breath. "Honey, it's a considerable amount of work for the long haul, but it has been worth it. We might want to kill each other from time to time, but your dad is my best friend. When something happens during my day, even after all these years I can't wait to tell him about it. Now that he's retired, he sometimes is standing right behind me, but I still love him. I am sure sometimes he wishes I wouldn't share so much, but he has always pretended to listen."

We both chuckled. Mom was the family chatterbox. "He's a good man, my best friend, and your dad. I was lucky. I don't know what else to say."

There was a long pause. "What's wrong, dear?"

"It's nothing, Mom. I am just getting older and thinking I am never find that guy. You know the guy who won't mind I am a bit messy or a klutz."

"Well, dear, be patient, I know he's out there for you. My sixth sense says so. You probably walked right past him on the street and missed him while looking at your dewberry phone.” Lizzie stifled her laugh at her mother’s funny name for anything technical. “You work so hard; you need to take better care of yourself. Let someone take care of you. Stop thinking that every guy is like Greg." My mother hated Greg and would complain about him forever, so I needed to nip this in the bud. "All right, Mom, that makes me feel better. Speak to you later. Love you."

"Love you too, Lizzie."

The pep talk had given me hope. My mother was probably right; I needed to stop looking at my phone and pay attention to what was in front of me.