Homeless Heart

"As you can imagine, my parents were so excited about being grandparents. They were on board with helping, and we had started to make plans for the baby's arrival. Just around my twelfth week, I went to the bathroom, and there was blood in my underpants. Shortly after that, the baby was gone."

"Lizzie, I am so sorry, but I know one day we'll have babies of our own."

"Phin, you are in your twenties, I don't want you to give up this valuable time in your life. You've spent so much of your life in a shitty place that I wouldn't want you to give up any chance of having fun. Also, I don't want you to give up the opportunity of having your kids because if we decide to wait, we might not be able to do it later. You will have your inheritance soon, so you might want to go off, and party and have sex with random girls. I wouldn't want to keep you from enjoying your life to the fullest. I want to give you the chance to think about this because maybe this isn't won’t work." After blurting all that out, I tried to catch my breath and slow down my heart, which was beating through my chest. He saw the tears fall down my cheeks and pulled me closer to give me a tender kiss and comfort me.

"Sweetheart, we'll make this work. I am not giving up on us because of a calendar or a clock. I've realized that money isn't important to me other than to help build our future." He wiped a tear off my cheek. "If I didn't think it would help us and others, I'd just leave it."

I sniffed and rubbed the back of my hand across my runny nose; worried I had a booger hanging off it. "I would never ask you to give up the money."

"You should know I would if it meant me making a choice."

"Well, I’m glad not to have to make you choose. I've been thinking of something we could do." He smiled at me; the tension I'd been holding through my entire body slipped away.

"Of course, you have. Lay it on me."

Looking at Phin, I relaxed more and then I laid out my plan for him. "You could go to school while working at the shelter then we could start to try having kids. Maybe two years from now, I would only be thirty-three at that point. Having kids at that age might be difficult, but I think we could do it. Well, at least we'd have fun trying to have one. What do you think?"

He gave me a reassuring kiss. "Ah, my little planner, you've already got it organized."

Panicking, I didn't want him to think I railroaded him into something he didn't have a choice in. "No, this was just an option. If we have any chance of a future, we have to talk about these things and not run off when it gets tough."

His head was hanging down; he whispered, "Lizzie, I am sorry. Will ever forgive me?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean it the way it came out. Phin, I promise I have forgiven you. You have to understand with both you and Greg leaving me, I am still a little anxious about people taking off. I want us to be able to discuss difficult topics."

We sat curled up for what seemed like ages. I finally broke the silence.

"I don't think we should even think about your money until we have it. "

"They owe me, Lizzie, I will get it."

I looked up at him, wanting him to understand my sincerity. "Phin, there's one more thing I want you to think about that I know might be difficult. If we do decide to have kids, I think you should consider repairing your relationship with your parents." I felt him tighten up, but I held him tighter. "If you don't want to reconcile with them, then I think you should talk to a therapist about your past."

He let me go as he sat back, running his fingers through his hair, I felt his palpable anxiety. "Yes, I get it. I know this is coming from a good place, but it's still tough for me to talk about, even with you. I promise to think about it."

He looked away, scrubbing his face again, and then the smile came back to his face. "Well, that was a fun discussion. Heavy much?"

I wrapped my arms around him in a tight bear hug. Before he could move away, I spoke into his ear, "Thank you for my wonderful welcome home tonight."

"You're welcome. I am glad we talked about the situation. I won't run when it gets difficult."

I climbed onto his lap and put my lips on his, showing him all the passion I could muster. He must have sensed my desperation because he was laughing through our kiss.

“Is it time to practice our baby-making skills?”

“Yes.”

“Practice makes perfect, Lizzie.”

There was no doubt we will both enjoy practicing making babies.