Homeless Heart

Phin

I asked Lizzie to repeat herself, unsure I'd heard her correctly. "What did you say?"

"Phin, your mother came into the office today about their contribution to the gala. She just dropped in. I didn't know she was coming in; otherwise, we could have talked about it."

I took a very long pull on my beer. I was stalling my reaction to what Lizzie was saying because I couldn't find my words. All the color on my face and feeling had drained from my body. Lizzie could tell by the look on my face that I was in shock.

"Phin, Phin, I am sorry. I would have warned you if I had known."

The panic in her voice was unnecessary. I knew she hadn't intended to deceive me. "I know, sweetheart, it's fine. It's your job. Did you tell her about me?"

She gasped. "Oh God, no, Phin! I would never do something like that to you."

She picked up one of my hands and laced her warm fingers through mine.

"Phin, I've got more news for you that might be harder to hear."

She paused and waited for me to give her the go-ahead to continue. I nodded and tried to breathe. "Phin, your dad has stage four cancer."

Again, she paused, letting me take in this news. Her warm hand anchored me to the spot.

"Wow."

"I know it's a shock."

"How long does he have?" Unable to think of how to feel or what to say.

"They aren't sure; your mother said he probably won’t make it another year."

I let go of Lizzie’s hand to have a drink of my beer; I didn't speak, and I am not sure for how long. There'd been so many times in the past I wanted him dead, now I was getting my wish. Lizzie just sat with me, knowing that I needed time to process this news. The numbness that had taken over my body was now shifting to anger and rage. Of course, that fucking bastard would get sick right now and take all the control away from me. Now I was being forced to talk to him and confront him before I was ready to do it. My progress was going well according to my therapist, but I wasn't ready to see him. I was still having trouble wading through my anger toward both my parents.

"Fucking bastard!" came tearing out of my mouth before I realized it. My body trembled, and I was having trouble catching my breath. Lizzie took both my hands with determination to anchor me.

"I know this is speeding up when you wanted to confront your folks. I think you need to at least talk to your mom and let her know that you are alive. Phin, she looked so tired and sad. When your father's gone, she's will be alone. I know you are angry with them both, but I think this is your chance to work on your forgiveness."

I sat there and continued to process what Lizzie was saying to me.

Lizzie continued to implore me. "Her having that one less stress in her life could probably help with taking care of your father. You don't ever have to see your father if you don't want to, but I think you should make amends with your mom. Give her the kindness she never gave you."

I stared down unconsciously tracing a circle pattern on one of Lizzie's hands as I took in what she was saying to me. I knew in my heart she was right about making amends with my mother, but my father was another story. I knew deep down she was a silent victim in that house. My therapist was helping me move toward an emotional breakthrough so I could work through my anger toward both of them. I was making progress, but forgiving her would still take some time. Thinking about it, I didn't want to be as cruel as they had been to me, so making amends now seemed like the right thing to do.

"Or you could tell her to suck eggs." Lizzie was trying her best to lighten the load. God, I love this woman.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Lizzie, you are right. I need to let go of this bitterness. The first step will be to talk to my mother."

I looked into Lizzie's ice-blue eyes for support and as I confessed my feelings. Her pallor changed, and the color came back into her cheeks. She let out a heavy sigh, and the smile crept across her face. The tension she'd been holding left her body as her hands relaxed in mine. She leaned over and gently placed her lips on mine. The subtle kiss took away all my anxiety, and we both relaxed back into the sofa.

After a few minutes and a couple of long gulps from our drinks, Lizzie turned to me and gripped my hands and held them tight.

"I am so proud of you, Phin. You have gone through so much and have worked so hard. I know this isn't something you wanted to do yet, but I love that you're brave. Of course, I'll be here to help you. I promise."

I sat up and kissed her harder this time and nipped at her lips, not taking it any further, but I needed to show her how much I loved her in this kiss.

Lizzie pulled away with a smile on her face. Her lips red and shiny from kissing. "I've been thinking on the best way to meet her. How about I set up a meeting for us, and I won't tell her you'll be here. I'll tell her I have to work from home next Friday, because we should have our meeting here. This way we'll be in our house, and if we don't like it, she can leave."

Smiling at her, I loved she called it our house. "Sounds good. Now I need to clean." I looked around the room that was immaculate to my usual standards.

She wrapped her arms around my neck, hugging me hard, and whispered, "Phineas Dunbar, I love you and especially your need to clean."

"Thank you for loving me. Now let's get dirty."

We both made a dash for the bedroom where we got our clean sheets very dirty.