Chapter 43
Phin
Lizzie stormed out, and I couldn't believe everything she said to my mother. I've never loved her more. No one had ever stood up to my mother other than my father. My Lizzie was ruthlessly loyal, and she wouldn’t let anyone talk shit about me or our life together. She was right. Fuck my parents and the money. We didn't need my parent's money, although it would have been nice. I'd rather work for it if it meant denying our relationship.
My mother's face was so pinched her eyes and lips were almost invisible, but she didn't say anything once Lizzie left the room.
"Well, Mother, I'm sorry things haven't changed for you. I hoped that my father's illness might have shown you that life is too short to think about money and what people think. Our kids not having you as a grandmother might be a blessing."
I think the last comment was cruel, but I hadn't said as much as I wanted to tell her. I stood up, trying to indicate she should go, but she stayed rooted in her seat.
Her face and body collapsed as she lost all of her composure and sobbed into her hands. She didn't speak; her body just shook as she cried, and I was unsure what to do. I did the one thing she never did to me: I consoled her. Sitting on the arm of the chair, I held her in an awkward hug. We sat there for ages; I handed her tissues while she cried into my chest.
Lizzie came back and stopped in the doorway to absorb the scene. Understanding our need for privacy, she mouthed, "I love you" and returned to our room.
Finally, my mother stopped crying. She wiped away some tears and spoke. I moved back over to the sofa to be able to have a conversation.
"Phin, I am so sorry for everything that happened to you. It's a shock seeing you here. Standing here happy and doing so well, I don't recognize you. You've become a man. I am glad you found Elizabeth and that you want to have a family. Your father and I tried to do what we thought was our best because that was how we were raised, but I know that's no excuse."
"Do what was best, Mother? Do you mean being drunk in your room while I was being beaten? I can't even understand how you could have stayed with father all this time. Why did you never make him stop?"
"Phin, I can't expect you to understand." Smoothing down her skirt and adjusting her hair, she tried to hide all the hurt and pain.
"You deserved better parents. One day, I hope I can make it up to you. I promise you that your father and I have changed since you left. We've gotten help, and he's doing much better with his anger issues. I'll talk to your father about your trust. He might have some conditions, but I won't know until I speak to him. He's softened a little since his diagnosis, and I know he'd love to see you."
I reached over and squeezed her hand and looked her in the eye. "I'll see him under my terms, but I won't agree to have Lizzie sign any contract. She will be my wife one day and have my babies, so I want her and our children to want for nothing. The money is rightfully mine and will be hers, so I won't do it if there are any strings. She's believed in me, and I believe in us. You should get to know her better before you make any more assumptions about her."
"I've known Elizabeth from the charity, and she's always been a whirlwind of enthusiasm and organization. I will apologize to her for my comments; I was upset. You should know that our work with the charity was to help to find you. We never stopped looking for you."
I nodded at her. "Yes, Mother, I know you looked for me. I am sorry I made you worry. I should have let you know that I was alive, but I was so scared of Father. I was afraid that he'd find me and bring me home. I couldn't stay and be beaten another day."
Lizzie came back out and sat next to me. She rubbed my back to comfort me. I held my mother's hand to try to extend that same comfort to her. "Mother, I'm working hard to find it in my heart to forgive you, and even Father. I'm not there yet, but I am working on it. Lizzie and my therapist are helping me work through letting go of the anger I feel toward you both. My therapist also suggested that you and I go in for sessions too, if you agree."
"I'd like that, Phin.” She gave me a weary smile. “Would you consider reading a letter from your father?"
"A fucking letter?" My leg was bouncing again. "I'll consider reading it, but I might throw it away or burn it."
"Phineas, he wrote it when he got his diagnosis. I think you should read it. I believe it will help. Let me know and I'll drop it by."
"I don't know if I want to read it. We'll have to take rebuilding our relationship slowly, and we'll figure it out. Forgiveness will not come quickly for me, despite Father's illness."
My phone pinged with a text message, breaking the moment. I stood up, and my mother stood up too, trying to ease out the creases in her expensive suit. I finally realized my mother didn't know how to show love and affection, so I would have to make the first move. I held my arms open and moved toward her to hug her. When I closed my arms around her, she let out a deep sigh and tried to hug me back. Her arms wrapped around me, but her back was still rigid, and her body was stiff. I've gotten better hugs from a mannequin. Teaching my mother how to hug would sadly be on our long list of things to do. How tragic it must be not to know how to hug.
"Please think about being a donor. Let me know if either of you have any questions." She gave a weak smile to Lizzie. "Elizabeth it was good to see you. Thank you for everything." She held out her hand to shake, and Lizzie took it.
After she left, Lizzie was standing in the doorway, crying. She bounded over and wrapped me in a warm, loving hug. Enveloped in her arms, I knew what it felt like to be hugged by someone who loved you.
I almost fell to my knees, but Lizzie kept us both from collapsing. After what seemed like forever, she peeled herself from my embrace, took my hand and led me to the sofa. I sat down, and Lizzie straddled my lap and held me more. She whispered things in my ear; soothing words telling me how brave I'd been. My breathing calmed down, and I started to come back to reality.
Pulling back, the concern on Lizzie's face devastated me. "Phin, are you okay? You did so well with your mom. You were so brave. I am proud of you. You did better than me, and she's lucky I didn't slap her."
A big smile broke across my face and when I laughed her expression became even more concerned.
My shoulders shook. "Phin, what's wrong? Tell me."
I buried my face in her shoulder as I continued to laugh. "Ah Lizzie, you were so cute when you yelled at my mom. I may have even fallen in love with you a little more if that's possible." I let my laugh die off; I think my body must have needed to release the nervous energy.
She swatted my chest, and her smile came back. "She would have deserved a slap!"
"I can't disagree."
"How do you feel it went?"
"I think it went as well as could be expected for my mother. She wasn't going to give me a warm hug and tell me she loves me. We have to give it time before I make any decisions about the procedure or the future of our relationship."
"Yes, Phin, but time's not on your father's side. Will you read the letter?"
I kissed her softly on the lips, to lighten the mood. "I will decide with your help when it arrives, but I won't let them intimidate me. I will decide when I am ready. Thank you for sticking up for me. I loved it. Now how about that massage you mentioned, I think we deserve it."
Lizzie led me to our bedroom for what I hoped would be a long massage session and some relaxing sex. Going a week without her was something I never wanted to experience again.