Chapter 48
Phin
Later that night, lying in bed with a sleeping Lizzie draped over me, I thought about seeing my father, and it made me realize many things but foremost was that life is too short to be this angry. I may not have forever with Lizzie, but I want to make the most of it while I can. What if a bus hit me tomorrow? I don't want to regret waiting to be together for money, or not having enough time. All that stuff is fucking insignificant. If I learned anything from my time on the street, it's that time is valuable.
Forgiving my father will never be easy, but he was ready to let it go. I want to love Lizzie, have my kids to cherish and change the cycle of anger and abuse in our family. If my father survives cancer, maybe he can change enough by loving his grandchildren more than he was able to love me. Our kids can give him some redemption that we both need.
Lizzie's sleepy eyes opened and she leaned up so she can look at me. I can tell she knows what I am thinking without even saying a word. I move up and give her a gentle kiss on her cheek. Our bond is so deep that she gets it. My head was swimming with everything we'd done today and all these emotions with Lizzie.
"Let's get married," I blurted out. The look on her face was priceless; of course, it wasn't the most romantic proposal. I wanted to do this right, but I'd said it now, I couldn't take it back without fucking it up.
"Lizzie, today has opened my eyes. I don't want to wait any longer to start making plans. Let's get married before the bone marrow procedure."
I couldn't tell what she was thinking; she was utterly expressionless.
"Lizzie, if you want a big wedding, we can get married at City Hall and then we'll plan a big wedding and reception for later. I want you to have your special day." She still wasn't speaking, and I was beginning to worry. I rolled her over on to her back and trapped her in my arms. "Fuck, I've messed this up, haven't I? Say something, Lizzie, you are freaking me out.”
Lizzie
Was I dreaming?Did he just asked me to marry him? Leave it to Phin to ask me to marry him lying here naked. I know we talked about getting married and having kids one day, but this is out of the blue. Of course, I want to marry him, so I am not sure why I am just lying here not responding to him. Do I want a big wedding? Like any woman, I'd dreamed about my wedding from time to time. Now lying here, I am not sure if that matters to me or if just marrying this man is what matters. Like I could say no! I know he's talking to me, but I haven't responded, and I should put him out of his misery—poor baby. I snap out of my contemplation and give him my biggest smile.
"Yes."
"Did you say 'yes'?"
I nodded back. "Yes! Of course, I said yes, I was just a little overwhelmed." I held his face, placing my lips softly on his, relishing this moment. When recounting this story for others, we'd need to think of a more G-rated version of how he proposed. Phin had other ideas by deepening the kiss, swiping his tongue into my mouth and mine meeting his. He shifted on to his elbow so he could touch me; his other hand was stroking my nipple lightly. This boy knew how to rile up my engine. I was tempted to go at it again, but my body was bone weary tired, we'd already had sex several times before I’d passed out. Now, I needed to go back to sleep. I took his exploring hand in mine, and I broke the kiss.
"I know what you are doing here, young man. Seriously, you will break the baby maker before we get started. Let's get some sleep. I have a wedding to plan in the morning." I leaned up and kissed his shocked face.
"You're right. It's been a pretty insane day, and I don't want to break the baby maker. We will need it later." He chuckled into my hair as I snuggled closer into him so we could both go to sleep. I was never sure if that was because of his years of sleeping on the street, but he wouldn't go to sleep without me wrapped over him. I never needed covers or a blanket because he always kept me warm and safe. Phin was my home.