I is for Ian

I got my feet moving again, wondering if I was only getting so philosophical because my brain was now desperate to do anything to keep itself awake, and headed to the doctors’ lounge. It was deep down the hallway, almost the triage surgery unit which was purposeful. It had long been a place designed for doctors who ran themselves dry for hours and hours to lay their heads and nap. It wasn’t meant to be a place to get a good night’s sleep, but it was pretty good for crashing for a little while.

The room was dark, and I flipped on a switch. Instead of bathing the room in the brilliant white light hospitals normally had, it turned on a soft blue light from the sconces above. It was enough to see by, but it was blue so that if someone was sleeping, it likely wouldn’t wake them up by coming on.

It was also warm, and with the darkness and blue light, it was ideal for getting a nap in. I just needed three or four hours. Considering how early it was in the morning, I figured I was safe to get at least three and probably more before someone needed me to tag in. Dr. Rogers, the only other doctor besides Dr. Sutton and me, had just come out of the doctors’ lounge twenty minutes before after napping for three hours himself. Dr. Sutton wasn’t likely to come in there, though, and the nurses had all come in right before the place got locked down.

I tossed the bag I had carried in on the first bottom bunk I came to and unzipped it. Inside, I had a couple of changes of clothes, including my paint-stained lab coat. I dug until I found what I was looking for—a pair of sweatpants and a light, long-sleeved thermal shirt. My current shirt was tucked down into my pants, and rather than pull it out of them, I decided to just take off the pants first. The room was warm enough that I didn’t think I would get too cold anyway.

I kicked the pants off and caught them as they fell back to earth with a huff of triumph. I was tired, exhausted really, but my reflexes were still on point. Rather than put on my new sweats, I went ahead and yanked off the shirt and tossed that on the bed too. I had reached down to pick up the new shirt and shake it out to make sure it wasn’t inside out when the door opened.

I turned toward the door to make a joke about being in my underwear to whichever nurse had come in and froze. It wasn’t a nurse. It was Ian.

He was standing in the doorway, frozen in place. His eyes were wide, and his jaw hung open. There was a long, terribly extended time where we just stood and stared at each other. I blinked, and my brain felt like it suddenly caught up with reality.

“Excuse me!” I shouted.

“Sorry,” he rushed out as he shut the door in front of himself, his eyes squeezing shut as he did so.

I yanked the shirt over my head and stepped into the sweatpants. As soon as they were on, I realized I had them on backward and stomped them back off, flipped them around, and put them back on. My heart was thudding in my chest, and my blood was throbbing through my body. I felt wide-awake and mortified as I stomped over to the door.

I didn’t know what to say, pacing back and forth on my side of the door.

“I am so sorry,” Ian’s voice said from the other side. “I really didn’t mean to open the door on you.”

“Then why did you?” I thundered.

“I thought this was Dr. Sutton’s office. He said it was at the end of the hall before the ER surgery rooms.”

“It’s next door!” I shouted.

“Oh. Right. Sorry.”

I heard his footsteps as he walked away from the door and headed to Dr. Sutton’s suite. I still couldn’t believe that Dr. Sutton offered that room to the construction guys.

Letting out a groan that was sort of a growl, I marched over to the bed and threw myself into it. I kicked the bag to the floor, hearing what sounded like my compact and hairbrush clattering out. I was too angry to go get them.

Instead, I buried my face in the cheap hospital pillow and tried to close my eyes. But sleep wasn’t coming anytime soon. I was too angry, too frustrated, and too mortified. He’d seen me in my underwear.

And it wasn’t even my good underwear. They were essentially teal-colored granny panties.

It took a long time to finally fall asleep, but when I did, it washed over me like a wave. I felt a shiver and exhaled as everything just oozed out—the anger, the tension, and the frustration. My eyes shut, and the only thing that stayed in the center of my consciousness, the only thing that I could even think of, was the look on Ian’s face. The way his eyes trailed over my nearly naked body. How exposed I felt.