I felt things for him that I’d never be able to put into words. He was putting me together but tearing me apart in the same breath. I knew, deep down, I needed to put space between us, because the more we were together in these intense and personal moments, the closer I grew to him. I was becoming attached. I couldn’t stop the push and pull I was feeling. I couldn’t stop as I gripped his shirt tighter and flipped around in his arms, pressing my lips so forcefully against his that he stilled.
But then his hands clamped to my torso, just beneath my breasts, and he pulled me so I was straddling his lap. His long legs stretched out in front of him as I wrapped my hands around his face and moved my mouth over his as if I knew what I was doing.
In reality, I had no idea, but my body seemed to know what to do. There was an instinct buried deep within that was finally crawling out of the darkest parts of my body and allowing me to feel the desire and passion that we sparked to life every time we touched. I felt out of control. Wild.
“Fuck, Gemma,” he mumbled against my mouth as his hands roamed up my back and into my hair. I felt him beneath me, growing harder and harder, and it felt so good to move above him. To rock myself against him. I didn’t understand how it could feel so good, but it did. Even with clothes on. “Gem,” he rasped, pulling my face from his. “You’ve gotta stop.”
“No.” I shoved his hands away from my cheeks and brought our lips together again, pushing against him once more. His hand flew underneath my blouse, the same piece of clothing that had betrayed me moments ago during sleep as it showed Isaiah the one thing I hid from everyone. I knew I should have kept my blazer on. “I want you to just…” I pulled back, and his hand stilled just beneath the bottom of my bra. “Take it. Take it all. Just for the night.” There they were again—those four little words that I kept throwing around but ignoring seconds later. Just for the night. I had to say it to remind myself that Isaiah and I would never be a long-lasting thing.
His tongue jolted out and licked his lip. “Take what, baby? What do you want me to take? ‘Cause I’ll take it. Fuck, Gemma.” Isaiah’s throat bobbed, and his cheeks grew slightly pink. “I think I would do anything for you.”
A ghost of a smile washed over my face. “Take me.” I wanted to give myself to him. I wanted to cross over that line, because if by any chance Richard got me back in his care, at least he wouldn’t be the one to do it. I would have the tiniest bit of control left, even if, in reality, it wouldn't stop him from ruining me all together.
Isaiah’s nostrils flared as he clenched his eyes. “Gemma, you cannot say things like that to me, because I want nothing more than to drive my cock into your wet little pussy and make you mine. My hold on myself is slipping faster and faster, and you can’t possibly want that. I’m…fuck.” The more he talked, the more frustrated he sounded. “I’m not the one that should do this! It’ll mean too much.”
My hands fell to Isaiah’s shoulders as I scooted forward, causing a breath to rock out of his mouth. His forehead came down and rested on my chest, his fast breathing hot against my blouse. “Please, Isaiah.” My voice was strong, and it felt so damn good to take control of something and choose what I wanted. Because in the end, this was my choice. Even if Richard didn’t think it was. Maybe I was moving too fast, but it wasn’t like this exact moment, the moment where I lost every ounce of my innocence, hadn’t been whispered into my ear while being at someone else's mercy. I knew the time would come that I would lose my virginity, and I wasn’t sure I would have a choice in the matter. But I did right now. “If you don’t do this…someone else will. And I need it to be you. Let me have the choice.”
That was all it took. It was like a rubber band being snapped throughout the empty room. Isaiah climbed to his feet, wrapping my legs around his waist as he pushed the rest of the contents of Mrs. Fitz’s desk to the floor. Pencils flew, the lamp shattered on the floor, and papers swayed softly through the air.
My back was flat against the cool wood as Isaiah hovered over me, spreading my legs so slowly they trembled.
“Are you sure?” He peered down at me, looking so dark and dangerous. The promises I could see lurking behind his hooded eyes made my toes curl. “And this will be the last time I ask you, because if I don’t touch you in the next few seconds, I will need to remove myself from this fucking room.”
My hand stretched between us as I pulled th
e collar of his shirt toward me. His middle met up with mine, and desire raced to every part of my body.
“I’m sure,” I whispered, and his lips were back. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth, tugging on it, and I arched my back as his hands went up my skirt, gripping me by the hips and pulling me even closer. A soft sound left me as Isaiah peered down with a look so hot I was left panting. His eyes were lustful, his cheeks flushed and his chest heaving. He looked like he wanted me, and I loved how that made me feel.
His fingers left my hips, and cool air hit my legs as his hands came out from underneath my skirt. They landed on the front of my shirt, and Isaiah watched me closely as he popped each button through its rightful hole until my shirt was wide open and my bra was exposed.
Normally, anxiety would have been holding me back, and I’d have been terrified that someone was about to see me bare. The only times I’d ever been naked, other than showering, were the few times Richard really upped my punishments and left me cold in the basement, without a single layer of clothing, but this was so different. Isaiah’s gaze drank over my skin, his eyes scorching my flesh as he pushed my shirt off my shoulders and down my arms. My plain, white bra was all that stood between his eyes and my breasts, and when his finger traced over the thin delicate strap over my shoulder, I shuddered.
“I’ve never seen something so goddamn perfect in my life.” Isaiah’s mouth descended over the thin cotton straps, and he pulled them down, one by one, with his teeth. The scrapes against my skin had me withering underneath him, and I had never been more wound up than I was now. I needed him to touch me. I needed him to ease the bundle of nerves that were coiling in my lower stomach that I was beginning to recognize. And I needed to get lost again. I wanted that feeling that he gave me the other day. I wanted that feeling he gave me hours ago in the forest.
“Isaiah,” I whimpered.
The sound of him unclasping my bra shot through the room, and I held back a gasp. “Patience, Gemma. We have to go slow, or it’ll hurt you.”
My brow furrowed as he stared down at me, pulling my bra from my body and dropping it to the floor. His lips parted, and there was a big part of me that wanted to hide, but his expression changed that feeling in me within moments.
“Shit.” His head dipped down, and I felt the warm, wet touch of his mouth over my nipple, and at first, it surprised me, but after a second, I was gasping for air and enjoying it. It felt…amazing.
“Isaiah,” I said again, this time even more desperate. His licks and kisses branded my body as he worked his way over both my breasts, my nipples tightening just as quickly as my center. I couldn’t believe how good it felt. How lost I became in his touch. I couldn’t fathom letting Richard do this—and he wanted to. He wanted to touch and lick and keep me all to himself, like my mother.
“Oh my God,” I whispered, and he popped his head up just before his kiss touched my hip bone.
His smirk was devilish, but the look in his eye told me that he was just as infatuated as I was. That he was just as lost as me. “We have to go slow. You have to be ready.” His head tilted in the most predatory way I’d ever seen. Whoa. “Unless…” His lone finger trailed up the side of my leg, and it tingled all the way to my toes. I opened myself to him even with the small amount of nerves that were there in the back of my mind, and he hissed, slipping past my underwear and running the pad of his thumb over my opening. His eyes clenched as he threw his head back. “It was like you were made for me.” His head came back down, and my cheeks flushed. “And only me.”
I gulped as I watched him rip off his shirt. I awed over each curve of his chest and abdomen. I knew that he was fitter than most due to lacrosse. I’d watched him play several times, and each flick of his stick showed a thick band of muscles that liked to tease me, but seeing him without his shirt was mesmerizing. There were dips and valleys of hard muscle, and without even realizing it, my hand slipped out from the desk, and I slowly ran my finger over each hard ab. Once I got to the bottom, just above the hem of his pants, his hand gripped mine, and he squeezed it. He was the beautiful one. My heart crawled up my throat as something intimate was shared between us. Something that couldn’t be described in words. Only actions.
Isaiah took a step back from me, and I sat up from the desk slowly. My long hair fell down in waves behind me, caressing the bareness of my back. The beating of my heart grew as I scooted myself to the very edge and reached my shaky fingers out in front of me. We held eyes the entire time. His baby blues collided with mine. The button of his jeans was slowly pushed through the hole, and my fingers trembled as I pulled the zipper down. Isaiah’s stare darkened as the pad of my finger touched over his boxers, and once I pushed the rest of his jeans down to the ground, he stepped out them and hooked his fingers into the waistband.
I knew what awaited me. I’d felt a man before. But never like this. I’d never come face to face. I’d never actually been intimate with someone. I’d never wanted to see. But it was all different with Isaiah. I was hungry to make him lose himself in me like I’d done on Monday when he had pushed me up against that tree. I was eager to do this with him. To have this moment with him.
Our gazes collided as Isaiah pushed his boxers down. I heard the soft fabric hit the floor, and slowly, so slowly, it felt like time had actually stopped. I pushed my hand out and dropped my head.
My heart slowed as I waited for fear, or anxiety, or even surprise, but the only thing I felt was heat. He was hard and long, and my escaped breath propelled me to touch him, to feel him in my hands, to make him come undone, and to please him. I wanted him to feel good. I wanted to drive him crazy. I wanted to do what that girl did in the forest. I wanted Isaiah to want me. Hearing his sharp inhale of breath when I finally reached out and ran my finger around his hardness gave me an incredible amount of confidence. I shot a quick peek up to him, and his jaw was set, and his eyes were pinned on mine.