“That’s not what I said. I’m not trying to be controlling or tell you what to do. You said you wanted to take back your control. I’m letting you know what that next step is to take.”
“That’s not what it sounds like to me,” I grumbled.
Scott let out a sigh. He was too quiet for my liking. He was in his head, which was usually never good.
“Love, I would never force you into anything. We don’t want you to go. We’re here for you in any way you need us. I’m just trying to help you see what you could be without her.” Ty got up and walked over to me. He reached out to touch me, but then thought better of it and returned his hands to his side.
“I know what I need to do, but I can’t do it. I’m not as strong as you. I’m lost in all this. Once I leave her, I have nothing. My mother is the one with the connections, the one who was able to afford to send me to the best instructors, helped me get onto Charlie’s team. If she hadn’t sacrificed for me, I wouldn’t have a shot at the Olympics.”
“What do you mean? Once you leave her, you’ll have us.” Ty indicated toward Scott with his hand. “You don’t need her like you think you do. She’ll only drag you down further. I don’t like how she treats you.”
“So, you mean until I let her go, you don’t want me? Is that some sort of ultimatum you’re giving me? It’s either my mother or you two?” My heart stopped. Did he really think this was the way to make me muster up the courage to let my mother go?
“I didn’t say that. Stop twisting my words around.” Ty’s voice rumbled with anger.
Scott shook his head and stood. “Just let her go, Ty. It’s not like she was actually going to stay with us anyway.”
Ty turned his angry gaze at Scott. “What do you mean? Why would you say that?”
“Think about it. Grace was going to leave us when she got a shiny new team to be on. We were just something to pass the time with. We may have fallen for her, but she still just sees us as her bit of fun while she’s here.”
My hand flew to my chest. “I can’t believe you would say that.”
He turned a disbelieving gaze at me. “Really, Grace? We were ready to tell you we’re in love with you, but do you honestly think you could say that back to us right now and mean it?”
We’d only been together for such a short time; I hadn’t expected him to tell me he loved me. I opened my mouth to speak and shut it again.
He scoffed. “That’s what I thought.”
My heart beat against my chest so loud I was surprised they couldn’t hear it. They were in love with me? Tears gathered in my eyes as I stared at both of them. They’d come to mean so much to me, but I knew deep down what I felt was love.
I wanted to tell them I loved them, but he was right. Was it fair to declare my love when I was still torn between looking for a new team and staying here with them? If I had gotten an offer two weeks ago when I first got here, I wouldn’t have had a second thought about leaving. But I’d grown closer to them and didn’t want to think about having to leave. I honestly was believing I wouldn’t be able to leave them behind anymore, but until I was sure, I couldn’t give them false hope.
But if Scott didn’t have any faith in our love now, there was nothing I could do to change it unless I knew for sure I was staying. And even then, what we had wasn’t guaranteed. What if they decided this was all a mistake? That he was hasty in declaring his love for me? And I’d have given up my dream to sit around here and do what with my life? I had nothing if I didn’t have riding and my dream to head to the Olympics.
Maybe it was time to step away before we all got hurt even more than we were. Before we said things we’d regret. If he truly thought all I wanted was to have some fun, then I guess the fun was over, and it was time to get back to work.
Storm was ready to train again, so I needed to be focused on that goal. Getting on the US Olympic Team and going to Brazil this summer. It was the one thing I knew I could count on.
I squared my shoulders and schooled my face. I wouldn’t let them see me break down. “You’re right, Scott. This was only supposed to be fun. Thank you kindly for reminding me. I guess I’ve overstayed my welcome.”
Without another word, I went from room to room, grabbing everything that was mine in sight. I would come back again tomorrow to do a more thorough search while they went out on their rotation. It couldn’t have come at a better time. The more distance we had, the easier it would be to get over them.
I went to the mudroom and pulled on my boots.
Scott and Ty followed me without saying a word. I saw Ty reach for me out of the corner of my eye, but I quickened my steps.
It took all the strength I could muster to walk out the door and not look back. I stopped on the porch and looked around, realizing I didn’t know where to go. It was late afternoon, and everyone was getting ready for dinner. I couldn’t go to Jessie. She would be working, and I couldn’t go to Blake after the fiasco with our mother. Hopefully Gavin and Travis were comforting her. The last thing she needed was for me to barge in there and dump my problems on her.
I had only one place to go really. Back to the bunkhouse. Caitie was probably still there. I hoped she wouldn’t mind my depressed self staying there again. I wouldn’t mind a pint of ice cream and a couch to binge watch rom-coms on.
I turned in the direction of the bunkhouse and blinked back the tears that threatened to spill over. I wouldn’t allow myself to cry until I was safely behind closed doors again. Because I knew once I started, they wouldn’t stop.
“Grace,” Ty’s voice cracked. “Don’t go.”
I couldn’t turn around. If I did, I wasn’t going to be able to leave. I stayed silent as the crack in my heart grew bigger and bigger with every step I took.
I was right. When I finally shut the door, I collapsed and let the tears fall freely. Caitie was there to pick me up off the floor. I made her promise to not tell Blake before I spilled everything to her. She called Jessie, who brought over dinner and a gallon of ice cream from the main kitchen.
I’d tell Blake when I was ready. She was still fighting her own demons tonight. Mine could wait.
Around three in the morning, my eyes had finally dried up. I knew my head would be throbbing in the morning from the bottle of wine that Caitie, Jessie and I went through, plus the crying, but I didn’t care. Blake could come find me and yell at me about missing practice in the morning if she wanted, but I needed the night to drown my sorrows. I was allowed to be sad.
I sighed. Except, I needed to step up and show everyone that I could handle myself and not let personal problems affect my training. This had been what Blake was afraid of all along.
I took a deep breath and let it out. I could do this.