Chapter Twenty-Three
Jesse
Before
When I should have been at work, when I should have been home with my family, I found myself parked in the lot with the three brick buildings, the library the one in the middle. While the engine ran, my hands gripped the steering wheel, bracing myself for the guilt. It started at the back of my throat, eating its way through the rest of my body like a foundation full of termites.
My kids deserved this time with me.
My husband.
Why am I here?
I couldn’t answer that. But it had been three days since I’d been here last, and I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about this place. Something in that library was calling to me and I had no idea what it was.
I grabbed my purse and climbed out of the driver’s seat. As I walked in, there was an older gentleman sitting at the front desk. We saw each other at the same time.
“Hello,” he greeted me.
I moved closer, not needing to look at his name tag when I said, “Good morning, Gregory.” I wasn’t going to apologize. Bay said I didn’t need to. I still wanted to acknowledge him, which was the opposite of what I had done the last time he saw me.
“Morning,” he replied.
I reached my hand in his direction. “I’m Jesse.”
“Nice to meet you.” I slowly pulled my fingers away and he continued, “Enjoy yourself today.”
I thanked him and moved deeper into the stacks. I took the same approach as last time, not heading in a specific direction, just wandering the aisles, catching titles that didn’t look familiar. Within a few rows, I came across a dull teal cover that had gold lettering on the spine with flowers etched into the thick, heavy binding.
I didn’t know what genre I was in nor did I recognize the title, but I lifted it off the shelf and brought it over to a chair, opening to the first page. I wasn’t more than a few paragraphs in when I heard, “You’re back.”
I looked up and Bay was standing only a few feet away. I shrugged. “Apparently, I just can’t stay away.”
She sat across from me, staying at the very edge of her seat. “How have you been, Jesse?”
I went into my purse, grabbed the book I had borrowed, and set it on the table between us. “It was excellent.”
A grin filled her whole face. “I was hoping you read it. Tell me what you loved about it.”
My eyes fell to the cover, remembering the story inside and the journey it had taken me from the moment I had opened it. “The voice of the heroine.” When I glanced back up, there was a warmth in Bay’s stare. It made me not want to look away again. “I fell for her tone immediately. At eight-two, she was confident from a lifetime of experiences and so wise. I’m envious of her knowledge.”
She turned her head as though she were intrigued by my answer. “Were you expecting the granddaughter to be the villain?”
I crossed my legs, wincing from this morning’s run. “You know, I thought it was the daughter up until the very end. The granddaughter came as a total surprise.”
“Same.” I didn’t think her smile could get larger, but it did. “What’s next on the to be read pile?”
“What’s …” My voice trailed off. I needed to get a little personal with her again. “I haven’t been reading, which is so out of character for me because it used to be one of my favorite things to do. But, when Dad got sick, it started to feel like a chore, just another thing that wanted something from me.”
“It lost its purpose.”
I thought about what she said, unable to describe it any better. “Exactly.”
“That can happen. We go through phases. There are certain things I didn’t like when I was younger that I love now.”
“Like?”
“Tomatoes. I thought they were the vilest vegetable when the fast food restaurants would put thick slices of them on my hamburgers. To make it even worse, when I tried to take the tomato off, it took all the mayo with it and left behind all its seeds.”
I laughed. Tommy also hated tomatoes and the same thing had happened to me on more than one occasion. “I can relate on so many levels.”
“But I love tomatoes now just like your love of reading has finally returned to you.”
I squeezed the new book in my hands. “Do you know this one?”
Bay held out her hand. “May I?”
I gave her the hardcover and she gazed at both sides. “I haven’t read it. Haven’t even heard of it, actually.”
“I love the cover.”
“It’s happiness.” She set the book on the table beside the one I had borrowed, which had a much more somber theme. “Especially in comparison to the darker one you just finished.”
“I agree.” I tightened my arms around my stomach. I wasn’t sure why this question made me nervous, I was sure she was asked it all the time. “Would you suggest a book for me to read?”
Her grin caused my own lips to tug at the corners. “I’d be honored.” She stood and said, “I’ll go get the one I’m thinking of. I’ll be right back.”