“Yeah, I mean, he’s cool. Super good-looking and he’s real nice. I had to do a project with him, and he was the sweetest even after I told him he wasn’t getting any.”
“He tried to have sex with you?”
She nods. “Of course he did. He loves it. I even accused him of being addicted to it.”
I laugh with her, but it’s empty. I don’t know why I’m letting this bother me. I haven’t before, but now as I sit here putting gloss on my lips, I can’t help but be jealous of all these girls. What if they come back, or what if he meets someone better than me? No. It won’t happen. He won’t hurt me.
But if he’s addicted to sex, maybe he will?
“I know that look, and don’t let what I say bother you. I’m just surprised that he’s settling down, but that’s wonderful. All guys grow up, and you’re the one who’s gonna make him ’cause we all know you won’t deal with being cheated on.”
I bite into my lip. “We’re only dating. He could do what he wants.”
“But he won’t. I’ve heard all about the way he looks at you. Everyone who isn’t being a jealous bitch is saying that it’s like he’s a different person. Embrace it, babe. Enjoy it. He’s a fine, fine man.”
She’s right. “Yeah, I like him a lot.”
“Good,” she says, throwing a tee on before reapplying the makeup that could have come off. When I reach for my brush, I see that my phone is blinking with a text message. It’s two in the morning, who would be texting me? Maybe Skylar, but when I read the display, it’s from Jude.
Hey Jude: I know it’s late but I just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you.
My heart feels like it’s coming out of my chest, and I know there is no stopping the grin on my face. As I glance over at Tessi, she’s oblivious to my happiness and doing her makeup, and I hate how much I want to show her the text message to prove that Jude is amazing and sweet and now a one-woman guy. I shouldn’t have to prove that to anyone; I shouldn’t care, but something inside me wants everyone to know that he’s a good guy. I don’t know why he’s slept around so much, but I do plan on finding out. The only thing is I know when I ask that, I’m gonna have to tell him about my past, and I’m not sure I can do that.
“Does he know you work here?”
I glance over to see that Tessi is watching me, a small smile sitting on her lips. Shaking my head slowly, I say, “No, I don’t want to tell him. I haven’t told anyone. Only Reese knows and then, of course, the girls who work here.”
“Yeah, I don’t know if I’d tell him either. He might not like that.”
“What guy would?”
“True, but it’s good money.”
“Damn good money.”
“Claire, honey.”
Tessi sits up, and I turn to see Ms. Prissy coming toward me in a leopard-print bodysuit. Her bright red hair is up in a high ponytail, with her plump, red lips bright and shiny. Her breasts are huge and her ass is even bigger, filling out her bodysuit nicely; the older men go crazy for her. Smiling up at her since I know she’s still mad about the fact that I gave her a schedule for the dance team and what days I need off, I say, “Hey Ms. Prissy.”
“Listen I need three new numbers, two group and one solo for Tessi. Something hot for her and burlesque for the groups, but still sexy. Also, I need a new pole routine for you and Ellen. I need it in a month, the third of November.”
“For? It’s not time for new routines yet.”
“I know, but I have some investors coming from Vegas, Florida, and New York, so I need to impress them.
”
I nod. “I’ll get it done.”
“Fabulous, thank you.”
“No problem,” I say, and she smiles before walking off. I say I want to quit, but I’m comfortable here and I love my job offstage. I mean, being onstage doesn’t bother me much, but still some days I wish I were strictly backstage. No one looking at me, no one judging me, or getting hard from me. Sometimes I feel like a piece of meat, but then other times I feel incredibly special. I love the audience when it’s full of classy men – not the drunks that come in after a night of drinking to try to convince me to sleep with them – but the ones who appreciate a beautiful woman moving in a sensual way. Thankfully, we have more of the latter, and that’s why I stay. But now that I have Jude in my life, I don’t want anyone looking at me because I don’t want anyone looking at him.
But how do I quit? I need the money, the security, because I might not have the blanket of support and love I have now forever. It could all end, and then I’ll find myself at rock bottom, a strung-out stripper like my mother.
I can’t let that happen.
I won’t let that happen.