“I just don’t know,” I whisper, and I feel like the grip on my heart just got a little tighter. Looking up into his loving, supporting eyes, I bite the inside of my cheek as the tears well up in my eyes, threatening to fall at any second.
The words are there.
Just tell him. Tell him. Don’t hurt him too.
But won’t I hurt him? I’ve already lied, I’ve already hidden stuff from him, so no matter what I do, I am going to hurt him. I can be a coward and wait and pray he never finds out, or I can have the balls to tell him.
Stroking his thumb along my jaw, he kisses the side of my mouth. “I know you’re upset, and I know that you feel like this won’t work out, but come on, you know it will. How could anyone be that mad at someone like you? You are smart and amazing, Claire. He would be crazy not support you and love you.”
“You’re right.”
“I know, now kiss me, and don’t pick fights with me just ’cause you’re upset. Talk to me, I’m here for you, and I will help you through anything. All you have to do is tell me what you need. I love you.”
My tears spill over and roll down my cheeks as I nod slowly. “I love you too. I’m sorry.”
His mouth curves into a grin and then comes down on mine, kissing me so softly and so tenderly that my heart hurts more. With that kiss, I know that I’m going to continue to take the coward’s way out.
And just pray that in the end I have the safety and security of Jude’s love.
Chapter 43
Claire
Another day passes before I hear from Phillip. When I do, it’s in the form of a text while I’m teaching a bunch of nine-year-olds.
Phillip: Hey, come over to the house once you close up the studio.
I don’t bother answering him. Instead I find myself watching the clock, begging time to go faster. Once it is time, I close the studio and get in my car, driving home. Taking out my phone, I dial Jude’s number and he answers on the fourth ring.
“Hey, babe,” he says roughly into the phone. Glancing at the clock, I see that it is his workout time.
“Shit, sorry, I know you’re working out.”
“No biggie, what’s up?”
“I’m heading home. Phillip finally texted me.”
“See, told you. It’s going to be fine. Do you want me to go with you?”
I smile, loving that he wants to be there for me. “I’m almost there, thank you, though.”
“No problem. Call me when you leave.”
“I will,” I say. “I love you.”
“Love you too, baby. Bye.”
Smiling from the love that is bursting in my chest for him, I hang up my phone before I turn the music up and turn onto the street that Phillip’s house is on. Pulling into the driveway, I shut off my car and head toward the door. I think about knocking but then curse myself for it.
He loves me and this is my home too.
Opening the door, I enter and shut it behind me. “Reese? Phillip?”
“We’re in here,” Reese calls from the kitchen.
Placing my keys in the basket, I head to the kitchen to find them both leaning against the kitchen island. Phillip doesn’t look at me, but Reese does, and I can see in her eyes that this is all a mess. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife; it’s so thick and honestly chokes me. I hate it. There shouldn’t be tension. Our family is too solid for tension.
“Hey,” I say, waving awkwardly.