“I can’t believe you never told him,” she says, adjusting the camera.
“I know I’m an idiot,” I say, setting her with a look.
“You sure are, but I think this is going help him forgive you,” she says, sending me a grin. “You look mighty cute too.”
I smile as I look at myself in the mirror. I’m wearing Jude’s jersey with a pair of blanket tights underneath it and teal booty shorts. My hair is down in curls, and I wear no makeup because I want this to be completely raw. I want him to watch this and know that I’m miserable without him.
Completely and utterly lost.
“I don’t like the song. I think it should be something else.” she says, and I roll my eyes.
“Skylar, I’m broken here. I want him to know that, and the words in the song are perfect.”
“Whatever. I think you should do it to ‘All of Me’ by John Legend.”
I nod. “While yes, that is an amazing song, it’s not the right one for this moment.”
“I think it is.”
“Um, this is my ‘please take me back’ video. I hired you to videotape.”
“Whoa, wait, you’re paying me?”
“With ice cream,” I say and she smiles. I wish I could smile back, but I just don’t have it in me.
“Okay, let’s do this,” she says, taking the remote to the stereo and then setting up to where she isn’t in the mirror but has a perfect shot of me. Heading to the middle of the floor, I turn with my back to her and my head tucked between my arms, my fingers dusting the back of my neck. I nod once and then the music starts to Adele’s “Don’t You Remember?”
When the piano starts, I slowly move my body to the sweet music, moving around so effortlessly, as if I am air. I make myself one with the music, the way I know Jude loves. As I spin on my toes, my arms in the air in the most elegant way, I know this has to work. Tears sting my eyes and I allow them to fall as I sing along with the song. Each word is everything I want to say to him because I know he has to remember that he loves me. I know he does, he just needs a little push, and this is the push to do it.
Turning, I look at the camera, tears streaming down my face, my eyes wide and full of love and hope that this will work. When Skylar drops the camera, I close my eyes and wipe my tears free from my eyes. I try to pull it together. I don’t want to break down in front of Skylar, but I can’t stop this because if it doesn’t work, I might die even more inside. Squatting to the ground, I hold my face in my hands as the tears fall in torrents out of my eyes.
“Oh, Claire,” she whispers, wrapping her arms around me. “It’s gonna work out. This will work. Come on, let’s watch it and upload it.”
Nodding, I take in a deep breath as we fall to our butts and watch the video. Of course, I’m my own worst critic and see where I could have done something better, but I feel that Jude will love this –that this might be the golden ticket to get him to talk to me. I mean, I just laid it all out there. I’m basically begging here and I thought I would never do that, that I would never beg for someone to love me. But for Jude, I’d do anything.
“It’s perfect,” she says and I nod.
“I agree. Here, let me upload it,” I say, taking my phone from her and going to my Facebook. Opening a status, I type:
Jude Marshall Sinclair, I love you. More than words. I’m sorry.
I then tag him and upload the video. We don’t talk as we watch it upload and then wait as it processes. When it’s completely uploaded and I see it on my newsfeed, I wait. I know he has it set to where if you tag him, it text messages him. So as long as he has his phone, which he probably does, he has to have seen it, but I’m not getting anything. People are liking the video, even commenting that we’re the cutest couple in the world but nothing from Jude.
“Maybe he doesn’t have his phone?” Skylar asks after twenty minutes of staring at my phone.
“He always has his phone,” I say, clicking on the status again, but this time I see that his name isn’t tagged to my status anymore. “What the hell? Did I not tag him?”
“No, I saw it tagged,” she says, looking over at my screen.
“Shit,” I mutter and then click to tag him again, but when I do, I can’t find his name. “What the hell?” I whisper and then I type his name up in the search bar. When I click on his name, I see why he wasn’t tagged in my status and why I couldn’t tag him.
He unfriended me.
He doesn’t want me.
Chapter 47
Jude