I look over my shoulder to find my mom standing behind me. “Hey, Mom, you ready?”
“Yeah, can you drive me home? I think Jayden wants to ride with Lucy and Jace to help with Angie.”
Lie.
“Or you want to talk to me alone and told them they had to ride together?” I ask and she smiles.
“Just hush and drive me home,” she says before turning and heading to Jayden’s car.
I shake my head and follow after her. When we reach the car, she hands me the keys and I get in, starting it up as she buckles her seat belt.
“Seat belt, Jude Marshall.”
I roll my eyes but do as she asks and off we go. She doesn’t say anything like I expect her to. She just rides quietly, her hands laced together in her lap. Every time she takes in a deep breath or clears her throat, I know it’s coming, but still nothing. I don’t get it. I thought she wanted to talk to me?
Glancing over at her, I say, “Good game tonight?”
She shrugs. “Eh, kind of. Your head wasn’t in the game.”
“Yeah, it’s been a rough couple days.”
“Yeah,” she agrees with a nod, and I wait. But nothing. That was the perfect opening! I basically gave it to her on a silver platter. I mean, I don’t want to talk about Claire, or maybe I don’t want to be the one to bring it up. It would be nice to ask what she thinks I should do, but I need some help here. I need her to pull it from me.
“I talked to Claire.”
Okay, maybe I don’t need it pulled from me.
“I saw,” she says with a nod. I glance over at her, waiting for her to ask what happened, but she just sits there. What the hell?
Clearing my throat, I readjust in my seat and then say, “She apologized.”
“That’s good.”
“And she says she still loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. I didn’t say anything, though. I just looked at her, and Mom, I swear it took everything not to lose it. I miss her.”
“I know, sweetheart,” she says, taking my hand in hers, clasping her other hand over it.
I suck in a deep breath. “I just don’t know what to do. I mean, how do I trust her? You know, like, how do I know she won’t ever lie to me again?”
“Do you think she will?” she asks as I pull onto our driveway. I take it slow and shrug my shoulders.
“I don’t know. I mean, if you would have seen the way she looked at me, I don’t think she would, but still it scares me. I don’t want to become the way you were with Dad.”
Her hand squeezes mine, and I know I shouldn’t have said that. It is still very raw, the pain she’s going through, but I have to be honest.
“Claire is not your dad, Jude. She didn’t tell you about a job that she had. She wasn’t sleeping with God and everyone,” she says as I pull up in front of the house. “I think that she made a mistake. Maybe she was embarrassed by what she was doing and didn’t think you’d stick around.”
“I don’t think she was embarrassed. I think she liked the money, but loved me and didn’t want to lose me.”
I look over at her, and she shrugs her shoulders. “You are the one in control here, honey. You can go back to her and make it work, or you can let her go. It’s going to hurt either way. I made both of those choices, and I honestly can’t tell you which one was easier. You have to decide what is best for you.”
I sit for a long time, my thumb stroking her hand as I think. Lucy even pulls up with the rest of my family, but none of them looks at us, they just head inside. I’m glad since I’m not done talking to my mom. I nod, my heart thudding against my chest. Meeting her gaze, I ask, “What would you do?”
“I have no clue,” she answers softly. “But I’ve been scorned too many times, and I’m bitter. I believe a relationship needs trust – it won’t survive without it – but I also believe people make mistakes, and everyone deserves a second chance to make it better.”
Biting the inside of my cheek, I look at the steering wheel, and I still have no clue what to do. While I agree that everyone deserves a second chance, I also agree that a relationship needs trust, and honestly, I don’t know if I can trust her.
But I also don’t know if I can let her go.