I scrunch up my face. “I didn’t mean to make you feel any of that. I’m confused—”
“Classic fuckboy excu
se!” she yells, and now she jump serves, which makes the ball even harder and faster as it flies by my head. She’s going to kill me. “Why did you even kiss me back? You should have just pushed me away or something.”
I balk at her comment. “Push you away? You must have not kissed yourself.” She gives me a blank look, and I shrug. “I’m nervous as fuck, Ally. Cut me some slack. This is all new territory we’re going into.”
“Whatever. Just go. I’m good.”
“No way,” I say, taking a step toward her. “We’re gonna talk this out.”
“What for? It’s obvious you aren’t into me—”
“Who said that?”
“Your actions!” She crashes her fist into the ball once more, and it bounces above her head. “I’m so fucking confused. You’re not violent, you’re easygoing, but you fought a guy for me. I thought that meant you were into me the way I’m into you, and so I kiss you and get ready for Jesus since he’s coming home because it was the best kiss of my life, and then you ghost me! So please, explain to me how any of that means you are into me?”
I swallow hard as my heart pounds so hard, I feel it in my neck. I have no clue what to say or even do, but I gotta say something. “I never meant to make you feel like that, Ally.”
“Well, you did,” she says simply. “Can you just leave me be?”
“No,” I say, coming up to the net. Hopefully, it’ll block her angry serves. “I want to know when your feelings changed.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she says, smacking her fist into the ball.
“It does. I want to know.”
She looks away, and I can see the tears gathering in her eyes. “When you were sixteen.”
Man. Whoa. Okay. “Wow, cradle robber, huh?” She flashes me a dark look. “Sorry, I say stupid things when I’m nervous.”
“Why are you nervous?”
“Because it’s you, Ally,” I say, staring at her in shock. “My best friend is admitting to having feelings for me since she was sixteen. That makes me feel stupid.”
“How?”
“Because I’ve always had this attraction to you,” I admit. “Don’t you remember, I tried to kiss you at prom?”
She looks back down at the floor. “I didn’t want a relationship at that time. And I knew, with you, it wouldn’t be just a roll in the sack—it would be forever. You were only eighteen, and I didn’t want to tie you down like that.”
It’s like she’s kicked me in the chest. If she had kissed me then, Jasmine wouldn’t have happened. “I thought you weren’t into me.”
She toes the gym floor, making a squeaking noise. “I was. I really was, but I was young and scared. I didn’t understand those feelings, and hell, I still don’t. But when you became a pirate for me and said why so beautifully, as if I was the only one you would fight for, I couldn’t hide my feelings anymore. I couldn’t resist you anymore. So, I acted.” She wipes her cheek, and my stomach drops. “But now I know that was a mistake.”
“How so?”
She meets my gaze. “Because it’s weird now. We don’t know how to act, and we don’t know what to do. It’s obvious.”
“What do you want to do?”
Her lips tremble as she throws the ball in the basket. “I don’t want to answer that.”
“Why?” I ask as she starts for me. I brace for impact, but she stops right in front of the net, meeting my gaze. “You can tell me anything, Ally.”
Her eyes search mine as she inhales deeply, letting it out through her nose. “I want to give us a chance.” She might as well have spiked a ball in my face, jump served it in my chest, and kicked me in the balls instead of saying what she did. I knew she felt things for me, but wanting to be with me? I hadn’t considered that. I thought she just wanted sex. I never have allowed myself to think this way. Damn it. “You can be attracted to me but not want to be with me. It’s okay. I can handle it.”
I blink, then narrow my eyes. Without really thinking, I take her by her shirt and pull her to me. Her body is flush with mine, her hands to my chest as I hold her hips. Her eyes widen as I stare at her through the net. I should move it, but I’m stunned by her eyes. They’re pleading with me to want her back, and she doesn’t have to plead for anything. She takes in a shaky breath, and I’m stunned to silence. She’s so beautiful, and I’ve always known this. Always. But it’s like I’m seeing her in a whole different light. A blinding light that is driving me into an asylum, but I can’t look away.